Will I get in trouble with the school?

[wanderingtopographer]

DS13 has been ill this week with a bad cold and has had 4 days absence. Nothing serious enough for the GP but in bed for the duration with Calpol and feeling generally unwell - I've also caught it and am feeling rubbish so it's clearly contagious. I have called the school every morning to keep them updated. For what it's worth, He performs very well academically and his behaviour at school is excellent so there are no other causes for concern.

I was on the sofa in my PJs when there was a knock on the door and two people from the attendance team were on the doorstep to do what they called a welfare check. I told them what i had said before - he's tucked up poorly in bed. They then asked if he could come down or put his head out of the window!

I was quite taken aback, as well as being slightly out of it, and said that no, he is poorly in bed, I am his mum and that feels like a big overstep on their part. I didn't raise my voice and said it politely but it feels absolutely wrong to have him forced to present himself as proof when he is feeling ill and not even dressed. We have never had any issues with the school that I think could warrant them disbelieving me or being otherwise concerned about his welfare - he is a nice, happy, well adjusted kid who happens to have a stinking cold!

They didn't push the matter and went away, but am now worried that it will be a mark against my name or they will raise it in school. Does anyone know if they will take this further?

Off the back of a long summer break and then immediately ill and not at school they just wanted to check he hadn't come to any harm. To be honest he could've stuck his head around the door, he's not that ill if it's just a cold.

I wouldn’t bother about it. If they’d asked me to do the same I’d have told them to bugger off.

It's ridiculous the way they calculate the percentage attendance.

They calculate the days missed as a percentage of the days of term already served. So if only 10 days of term have elapsed and your dc is off for 3 of those days, you're already down to 70% attendance. What they should do is express the days missed as a percentage of the whole school year. 3 days missed of approx 180 school days gives a lot higher percentage.

So they didn’t see your son at all? I assume you have checked the visit was definitely genuine? I agree that you feel it was overstepping I would too, your word as his mum should be enough. But sadly horrible things happen to kids and then everyone says why didn’t school/SS do something. As you refused sight of your child, this could escalate OP.

Has he actually been back in school yet? It doesn’t sound like he was so ill that he couldn’t stick his head out of a window. Why make yourself look uncooperative like that over something so minor?

They will have been checking two things, one that he was safe, and two that you weren’t on holiday. You may get a further phone call from social care but I’d be surprised if there was anything more than that. Because school haven’t seen him since the break they have a duty of care to check he is ok.

I had this hapoen. Its a welfare check to make sure the child is safe. As much as I'm a million % sure i would never harm my children. The school doesn't know that and they have a duty of care.

Edit to say dd came to the window and waved. I didn't want socal services on my door step I just let them see her so its done.

He has been back since the last week of August so they have seen him. While I understand the safeguarding aspect, I would only find that appropriate if there had been other incidents / observations that the school felt were a cause for concern, which really isn't the case. He's had similar length absences from primary school without this sort of follow up.

Anyway, I have sent an email to the school, reiterating that I have called every day, and that I didn't feel it was appropriate to get him out of bed when he was ill, and that if they have any further concerns they can either call me or speak to him themselves when he is back at school.

And now I am going to have a lemsip and a lie down ;-)

Should also say, thank you for the replies.

This makes my blood boil. 4 bloody days off and they're sending round the welfare team?

I know a parent who 'homeschools' their two boys. Except they don't - the parent has never taken them to a playgroup and they have never been to nursery. One should now be going into Y1 - his speech is very delayed, and his parent never spends any quality time with him - he is literally glued to a screen unless he is sleeping. She never reads to him and rarely interacts. How is this home schooling? His younger sibling is also heading the same way - he is 3 and has zero speech.

They do have a social worker - I admit the circumstances are pretty complicated. But surely this is more reason for the child to go to school and the younger one to nursery? They have never had a visit from the welfare team and social worker is happy for them to stay with the parent full time. It's these families that should be having visits not families like the OPs. Another example of a broken system.

Honestly if this happens again I’d just get him to pop his head out of the window so you don’t stress about it after, at 13 with a cold im sure he could manage that. But im also sure they will know enough about your son and family to know he’s likely fine and I doubt they’ll take it further. It may be there’s high levels of Absance this time of year so they are making a point to everyone, who knows. I agree it’s OTT, but it doesn’t seem worth fighting it

With such limited and stretched resources available, I am getting increasingly fed up at this sort of thing. I hope your son feels better soon. It might also be covid in which case he’s better to rest as that seems a factor in reducing the risk of long covid in children - many of whom are now in the “persistent” absence category with fuck all help.

Our school has a strong policy of “eyes on the child” and they state they’d rather be an annoyance than to miss a safeguarding issue. I agree with this.

The thing is, if you’d got him up to stick his head out of a window they probably would have said “if he’s well enough to go to the window he should be in school.” You just can’t bloody win.

You know at 13 he can just have regular paracetamol/ ibuprofen tablets? Don't waste your money on calpol

I was thinking the same, at that age ours had paracetamol. No harm to them at all.

Honestly, I wish something like this was around when I was a kid. Funny thing is though, I remember once being congratulated (Got a house point!) for 100% attendance. My home life was abusive and neglectful, if we the children could be loaded off elsewhere we would be, hence always going to school!

There must be some prior concerns if they are already coming around checking if he is absent

He could literally have just said hi to them and shown his face but I'm afraid to say you denying that has probably exasperated the situation

Also give him a tablet or a cold and flu capsule probably be downing 2 bottles of Calpol to have the same effect

I'd have just told them to go on up and empty the puke bowl while they were up there. Cheeky fuckers.

It’s definitely more of a safeguarding issue as PP have said. I work for an LA and tutor in the home. If a child is persistently absent and cancels we still have to pop round so we can see them - however briefly, ill or not. Of course they don’t have to come to the door if they don’t want to and if that’s the case we just monitor and escalate if we haven’t seen them for more than 3 sessions.
On the back of the long break your son’s school need to do due diligence.
If your child has good attendance normally it should all be ok. Especially if he’s back on Monday.
I hope you both feel better soon.

Of course there’d be no harm to them, calpol IS paracetamol 😂
But my DD is 11 and can’t swallow tablets. Just can’t. My grandmother actually has calpol because she can’t either

Sorry, just RTFT to see he has been back since the break. Apologies.

That’s ridiculous. I’d have told them in no uncertain terms to fuck off

He’s probably contracted the virus from their school!