She’s leaving today

[slippingthroughmyfingers1]

My daughter is leaving today. She graduated from university this summer and has found a great graduate position and is moving 2 hours away for it. She has worked so hard, done everything she needed to and she is so so excited about her future.

I’m so incredibly proud of her and the woman she has become and I know that this is the natural order of things, we raise them so they can go and live their own lives but I’m also just so sad this morning knowing that she will never “live” here again. She will come for visits and we will visit her but it won’t be the same. I thought her leaving for uni was hard but this is just more final than that was.

I wouldn’t change a thing, she needs to go and live her life and I’m so excited for her to do that but also just incredibly sad this morning.

We have still got her younger brother and sister at home so the house won’t be empty by any means but it still really hard and I don’t know where all that time went!

Well done to her for getting a graduate job so quickly in the current market. It will be different it's the casual conversations over a coffee in the morning, shared TV shows etc that go. I get being a little bit sad but you should be so very proud of her. She'll also love it when she can invite you to her place and cook you dinner etc!

That's amazing and well done to her for her hard work and brilliantly achievements. It'll be so hard, of course you'll miss her just take each day as it comes and plan plenty of visits.

I imagine the 'point' of OP's post is to try to process the sort of grief that some DMs feel when their eldest child 'officially' leaves home. Some parents do have those sorts of feelings and in my view she's doing something helpful for herself by asking if others have struggled with the same feelings. Just because you can't see 'the point' doesn't mean there isn't one, or that she isn't immensely proud of her DD.

People can feel more than one emotion at a time 🤷🏻‍♂️

This is a chat forum on a parenting website. She wants to chat about how she feels as a parent as her child moves out. Doesn't seem entirely unreasonable to me.

Anyway, well done to your daughter op. As others have said she's done well to get a job in a tough employment market. I'm not sure if this helps or not but me and my siblings all ended up bouncing back to my parents house a couple of times after moving out so she may well be back at some point! Not because of any disasters but job moves/saving for a deposit or whatever.

You should be so.pleased and proud that she is moving on with her life in such a positive way.
Of course you will miss her. That is natural.

Op I get your point.

Well done your DD.

Hugs to you x

The thing is, you are being unkind. We are not all the same, well done for feeling proud, the OP is talking about herself and not you though.

You are being unkind or obtuse.

its a chat forum. OP’s point is that’s she’s understandably a little sad that her lovely daughter has now fully left home to start her adult life.

OP, it’s natural to feel this way and it will pass as the new normal sets in. Can you arrange a call and get a visit in the diary in the not to distant, so you have something solid to help?

You are being unkind really, and lacking empathy. Everyone is different, and everyone reacts differently to situations like these. Let people feel without needing to comment and judge.

OP, huge hugs to you. You, and she, have done amazingly! And of course, things WILL be different now, and you're allowed to grieve the stage of your relationship that has gone, though do let yourself know that this new stage can be exciting and brilliant. I guess that this is the bit where you'll establish how often you'll see one another/get in touch, so maybe that's worth thinking about a bit! When will you go and see her?

Saying “I am not being unkind” doesn’t actually
mean anything, you know that, right?

What an odd response.

I understand op. The mixed feelings between being so incredibly proud of this adult person who you have helped shape, and the sadness that they won't be right there anymore.

I saw a thing the other day on Instagram that made me chuckle as its so true

☆☆☆
Apparently raising independent adults means they become independent adults

I really feel like someone should have explained this arrangement more clearly..
☆☆☆

It's ok to have mixed emotions about this your life is changing it's ok to have feelings about this change. I am waiting for our last to say she has a job and will move out. I feel so proud of her I could burst and also sad all my babies are out there doing their life not right by us. I wouldn't want it anyother way but them managing life as they are. Just sometimes I'd like a rewind button for a day.

There is a maxim of things to consider when deciding whether to say (or post!) anything - is it true? is it kind? is it necessary?

Your post was unkind and unnecessary.

Well done @slippingthroughmyfingers1 - a bittersweet moment and you have done brilliantly

Well done op, you’ve done amazing, have a celebration perhaps that you got one out the door and succeeded in your job to raise a lovely and successful adult.
it’s hard that it’s the end of an era but after a little moment of grief perhaps look at the positive fun new ways your relationship can evolve now and new ways you may be able to stay connected.

I hear you op. I know I’ll be the same. Immensely proud but will miss them. More initially. We all adjust though and it’s absolutely fine to feel like you do.

Jesus it's a chat site!!

I understand. For what's it worth, I always needed my mum, wherever I went and whatever I did I always went back to tell her about it and to get love and comfort when I really needed it.

I hear you, OP. I'm in the same boat- dd graduated and has a job, a boyfriend and a flat. They are talking about buying a flat in the next year. Last time I visited her wee flat and saw the home she had made for herself I got a bit emotional, realising she was really gone! I still see a lot of her, but its a weird feeling that she is unlikely to live in our house again! Proud of her, but it is emotional!

So that makes it ok to be unkind and show no empathy?

Sending solidarity - dd is moving out soon too. Feeling a mix of excitement for her, pride at the amazing young woman she’s become and genuine sadness.

You’re both going through a transition so be kind to yourselves. Remember you’ve given your dd the gift of knowing that she always has a safe harbour to return to if needed and this will give her the confidence to fly.

Thank you to those who get “the point” of this post. Yes we are incredibly proud of her and don’t want to stand in her way. It is entirely normal for her to leave and live her own life now but I don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable for me to have mixed emotions about that. As another poster said, we can feel more than one thing at a time. I’m happy for her and sad for me!

anyway, yes we have a couple of things planned before Christmas, her brothers birthday is at the start of October so she will pop home for that and her birthday is in November so we are travelling up to visit her then and will stay with her for a few days.

we are setting off shortly to drop her and all of her stuff off - hoping the bank holiday traffic isn’t too bad. I think once she’s actually dropped off it will feel a lot easier, like when she was at uni during term time I guess it’s just the finality of it that’s hitting me this morning.

I get this (& your username). My DD is moving 4 hours away for a graduate position next week. DS will be back at uni. DD was 3 hours away for uni but at least I knew she’d be back in the holidays, with a job that’s different isn’t it?

Very unkind. What was your point of adding to the thread? YOU feel that way. OP feels different as its just happening now to her.

You don't have to comment here but you did 🙄 just don't bother next time.