Should I say something about non-vegan gifts from my in-laws?

[SoFarFromHome]

I would appreciate some opinions on what to do in this situation.

I have been with my partner for 20 years and have been vegan since before I was with him. His family know as we’ve obviously eaten together at each others houses and out in restaurants many times. They have seen me refuse chocolates and sweets made with animal products and when asked why, I’ve told them. I’ve been shopping with his mum where she has suggested things she thought I’d like but they’ve been leather and I’ve said I don’t use/wear leather due to being vegan. It gets a bit wearing after 20 years but I just explain and move on until the next time.

His PILs sometimes buy me chocolates for my birthday, Christmas and Easter that I can’t eat. I don’t bother saying anything anymore as when I have in the past, they have still bought them for me again. My partner eats them or I pass them on to someone else or give to a food bank. It’s annoying but no big deal.

My dilemma now is that they have bought me a leather handbag for my birthday as well as a very large, expensive box of chocolates containing milk. I won’t use the handbag or eat the chocolates. Would you say anything? I don’t want to cause an issue but this isn’t just a £10 box of chocolates this time. They have spent a lot and will expect to see me with the handbag. Do I just thank them and never use it? Thank them but tell the truth? I also think they may mention the chocolates as they’re expensive.

My partner thinks that because they know I’m vegan and have told many times before that I don’t use leather, that I shouldn’t have to be grateful and say thanks. He thinks they are rude to have ignored the fact I’m vegan all these years. I agree but not sure I can be bothered talking to them about it.

I last went shopping with his mum only a few weeks ago and bought some non leather trainers. His mum was pointing out leather ones and I said again that I wouldn’t use leather due to being vegan so it’s not like she has forgot.

We have always tried to buy thoughtful gifts for them. His mum doesn’t like yellow gold jewellery for example so we have only ever bought white gold as that is what she likes. When his dad was on a health kick, we listened and stopped buying him things he had given up like alcohol.

What would you do?

Usually on threads like this it boils down to the fact that the OP has a DH/DP problem because he is too spineless to speak up with his parents. You don’t have that problem, OP: your DP is willing and keen to say something. I don’t think you should stop him.

Start buying MIL clothes that are 2 sizes too small.

The leather is the skin of a slaughtered animal. If its high quality, its possible the animal was slaughtered just for its skin. But even if it was a by product of the meat industry, it still a major contributer to the industry. So if a person doesn't want to collude with the slaughter of animals for commercial purposes, they will not want to use a leather bag.
They may also find the smell offensive.

I’m not vegan, but this is outrageous. Worse than just being rude and disrespectful, she is actually spending money in your name on something you morally oppose. If I were in your position, every birthday and Christmas present to DMIL from now on would be a generous donation to PETA until she stops with the anti vegan bullshit.

Because it’s leather. Vegans don’t eat or use any animal products. It’s not a question of OP being ungrateful - they’re trampling over her beliefs and principles.

Really not seeing the problem of your partner having an argument with his parents. He clearly wants to.

Handy blunt instrument the evidence an be cooked and given to the dogs....

My ex mil bought me a rolling pin and him a hammer for Christmas my ex and I were wondering if she wanted me and him to fight it out turns out she was trying to be practical I like baking and he kept stealing her hammer for DIY 😁

This year buy her yellow gold jewellery. Also, tell them to stop buying you gifts as never use them.

YANBU. It’s a dick move. Unless they’re both on a cognitive decline I would say it’s deliberate.

Let your husband tell them and return the presents. Life’s too short for this kind of shit.

You username suits you very well.

So it’s gone on for a long time. It’s irritating you. Your partner has offered to speak to them to support you but you don’t want him to. So how can this ever be resolved?
why are you posting here if not willing to address it?

It’s been 20 years! They are absolutely thoughtless. My in laws are in their 80’s and have family members who are vegan and they have never ever done this.

Then fuck them. Ask for a receipt then just stop getting them gifts in the future. Two can play that game.

They either don’t like you, or don’t respect you. Either way, you’re not a doormat, and shouldn’t have to put up with the constant insults.

I love this idea.

She's doing it deliberately, she either doesn't like you or she thinks veganism is ridiculous.

I'd gift both the bag and the chocolates to her for Christmas. Then do this every single time she buys you something non vegan.

I'd also stop putting thought into her gifts, yellow gold it is from now on...

I have listened to what people here and said I will get my partner to ask for the receipt without calling them rude. Hopefully that will result in them stopping so hopefully it will be resolved. I’m sure if they aren’t apologetic, my partner will have a more serious conversation.

I understand your point of view, however you seem to be denying human existence, which was to hunt and kill wild animals to survive.
You also appear to be incredibly insensitive to those, who are allergic to animal products.
In addition, can you honestly say that synthethic substances, such as plastic, are better than organic?
And do, please, assure us that you walk everywhere in bare feet.
Get a grip!

This ...

But it also strikes me that you have repeatedly asked him not to argue with them about it.. aid its not worth the hassel..

I think they were pushing the boundaries because they don't believe vegan ism is real and as far as they know, you've accepted chocolates for your birthday without complaint so they maybe think you are a lax vegan, just playing at it.

We're vegetarian and people still offer us meat .. they just don't want to give in to what they think is some kind of nonsense on our part. Its maddening.

Text them. Ask for the receipts and say.. .I don't want leather goods or chocolates which have animal products in them. It's blunt but I think you have to be blunt with people who are capable of taking in formation and understanding but just don't want to.

On the off chance that they are toying with you.. Call them out on it.

This sort of thing really annoys me. I’m an independent jewellery designer/maker, and any sort of metalwork always uses rawhide leather mallets. I use rubber mallets, because I don’t want to use animal products in my workshop and when I saw my jewellery is vegan friendly, I mean it. But I don’t know any other jeweller who does that.
If you buy any sort of handmade precious metal jewellery that has had any sort of shaping or forming or flattening then they will have used a leather mallets, and when jewellers post photos or reels from their studio, you see the leather mallets yet… they’ll use hashtags like eco friendly, vegetation, vegan etc. Just to jump on a bandwagon and try and benefit from a new advertising stream. I hate it.

Supply and demand.

Hi, I’m sorry that you are dealing with this. I have experienced something similar. My husband and I have been together since we were 21, we are 45 now, and I’ve always been vegetarian. Despite this, whenever we go to my in laws for dinner, my MIL inevitably offers me some form of meat and regularly adds comments like ‘oh you like a bit of chicken don’t you?’ Or ‘try the spaghetti bolognaise, cherieamore’
i always smile politely and remind her that ‘no I’m a vegetarian, I don’t eat meat’ but my gpd, it’s infuriating!
my FIL never comments so I’m unsure if he’s ever even registered me mention being a vegetarian.
What is even more annoying is that my SIL (part of the family for a slightly less amount of time) decided around five years ago that she was becoming a vegetarian. My MIL went overboard whipping up special ‘meat free dishes’. This carried on for a few months before SIL decided that she missed bacon too much and abruptly left her vegetarian lifestyle behind her.
I am quite numb to it now so continue to trot out the well worn phrase that I ‘don’t eat meat’ through gritted teeth.

There is no point to human existence, and we don't need to do that now anyway do we?

Noticed the oven-like summer and drought this year? Meat and dairy production contributes as much to climate change as all transport.

Many non-leather materials are available for shoes and clothing.

Join us - you know you want to....xx

This is a prob when others buy gifts.
My DD is vegan and also has severe nut and peanut allergies.
Lots of people/family over the years have either never taken these things on board..or just ignore..
People seem to think nut allergies only refer to things that are eaten, they aren't. Many cosmetics and make up and body washes etc inc nut oils.. someone even bought her hair straighteners that had almond oil infused in the ceramic plates. It stated it all over the box..
We are done explaining and just gift them elsewhere. Although if asked..we tell them the truth. They were unusable by the the person they were intended for.

Expensive gifts though..I'd ask for the receipt to change it.

Is this a joke?!

It is odd but some older people really are set in their ways like that.

I have a sibling who will only buy gifts for people from a certain catalog whether they like it or not. It would just never occur to her to buy a gift that the person actually wanted and liked

Is she like that with everyone?