Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

Ugh. My dad has always been like this during family trips and it's super exhausting. Can you really go and do something fun with your DD only? He can be salty all he wants but it shouldn't ruin others' holidays.
PPs say they might feel left out, which can be true but it's also on him. Building a relationship is hard work and if he didn't do any of it he can't expect a strong bond.

Oh god bin him off. Your dd will realise as she gets older that he wasn’t a good dad and the two of you walked on eggshells around him trying to stop him being a dickhead. And he is a grown ass adult man, if he fweels left out it is up to him to use his words to explain that and do something about it himself, it is not up to all the women in his life to patiently put up with this shit.

I couldn’t have respect or love for a man at 50 who can’t be bothered to learn to drive but moans about sitting in the back, doesn’t sound like he has a great job but happy to spend other people’s money, has an awful personality and is jealous of his dd. Go and see a solicitor op and go and live your life

D.I.V.O.R.C.E

Rest of your life with this miserable arsehole?

I'm sorry he is ruining your trip! My ex was the same for years - ok at home but irritable and just horrible when we were away as a family. We would all walk on eggshells waiting for the next outburst. He was not like this at home. It got to the point where the rest of us dreaded any kind of family holiday.

It turned out he had a massive porn addiction. Any spare moment he had alone he was watching and wanking. How he/it destroyed our relationship is another story but when we were away as a family he couldn't get his "fix" which made him just a horrible person to be around.

I'm not trying to suggest your husband is a massive wanker BTW, but him missing something he gets at home could be one explanation.

Given everything you have said, I’d drive back home with daughter and leave him to make his own way. Then look to separating when you get home. After all, what is the point of him?

I’m a bit with TeamGeriatric on this. It’s all ‘me & DD’ your dynamic seems odd & his Mum has likely taken his side as she can see he’s pushed out all the time while everything revolves around your DD. OK he’s not handling it well but have a look at yourselves instead of focussing on him being miserable.

My Dad was jealous of my Mums relationship with me & could be a miserable & grumpy sod because of it - but there was a balance. It doesn’t seem like there is in yours - when do you make time for him? How long has he been the 3rd wheel…

I'd say 'It looks to me like you're not enjoying this very much, I'll take you to the nearest railway station and you can go home early'. It seems a shame to waste a holiday which has been booked and paid for simply because one person doesn't like it.

Maybe consider splitting up long term once the holiday is over.

What a load of handmaiden rubbish.
They want him to have fun with them but HE is repeatedly choosing to moan and ruin it instead.
He wants every bit of attention and is clearly jealous of their good relationship- forged because he refuses to have fun with them.
Don’t make men’s moods and egos women’s problems.

He’s effectively opted out of family life. I’d make a serious plan to opt him out permanently. And as his parents are happy to support his nihilistic personality they’ll be delighted for him to move in with them.

😆😆

Because at 19 years old the daughter is an adult and there may be a time when for whatever reason she is unable to sit in the front seat of a vehicle. Lots of people including children take anti sickness travel tablets to help them.

I couldn't find a man attractive if he couldn't drive

It did cross my mind that there may be a hidden reason: affair, addiction, depression, narcissism. But OP says he’s like this all the time at home, too.

Did you pay for his parents too?

You need to start divorce proceedings and get rid of him and his whole toxic family. In the meantime, stop driving him anywhere and stop subsidising his low wages. He is basically coasting through life with minimum responsibilities and relies on you for all the wife-work. This should stop now.

It’s not the distance, it’s the visibility. Sitting in the back seat means you have a head rest and a person in front of you. One of the ways to avoid travel sickness is to look ahead and see the horizon so your brain can adjust to the movement.

It does sound a bit like dd is running the show…
Annoying to have to go to a shop whilst in the Lake District! All the beautiful walks and places to visit.

Tell him to go back home with his parents.

We have lots of loveky independent shops here that appreciate the tourists too. Pretty sure you can bith walk and enjoy a little shopping trip during the week. Plus husband could have taken himself off to explore if he didn't fancy a shop.

If my sons behaved the way your dh is I’d be telling them to grow the fuck up! No way would I be siding with them (and I absolutely adore them).

I’d either go home (if dd wanted) or go out and do things with just my dd - and take the car!

If he doesn’t want to be left out and wants to be closer to his daughter, he shouldn’t be telling her not speak to him for the rest of the holiday! That’s disgusting behaviour

Yes, if he wants to sit in the front he can get a licence and go in the driver’s seat. He sounds like a petulant child.

That alone would make me want to divorce him. I can’t imagine telling one of mine not to speak to me. Awful, immature behaviour

How is it going @TheLizardQueen ? Plans for today?? It's actually raining where we are for the first time in approx 100 years.

I know. That's what I thought. There are many other reasons but as you say this one alone, is enough. :(

A house is just bricks and mortar. A home is your haven.

What you have is a prison.

You can have a nice home without him. Don't be so materialistic, that is to the detriment of your happiness. That big house with the sex pond (hot tub ha ha) when sold will set you up for a new life.

I think you like the material things and are reluctant to lose it, at any cost.

Big house or happiness? Think about that.