Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

Tell DH to get out of his grumps.
Set up different dynamics for the rest of the holiday. Sometimes have a girls car and boys car; DD with grandparents etc.
Make sure you and DH have some walks alone etc.
Communication is a bit odd between you and your husband. When are you ever alone?
Try to rebuild a good relationship in earnest.
It will be nicer if you can. It could take a long while after years of DH and dog while DD takes front seat. Maybe insist DH learns to drive...

You should definitely divorce, you can’t live the rest of your life like this.

The house will be sold or maybe his mum will give him the money to buy you out? It doesn’t really matter. You will be happier in a tiny flat without him surely?

@TheLizardQueen Does he have you drive him wherever he decides to go? if so, that would end.

Start saving. Stop spending anything on him, including food and stop doing things for him. Save up and giv ehim the choice of either leaving himself or he can pay the mortgage when you leave with DDand until he is forced to sell the house.

This is good advice. Even pack his bags for him if he won't do it.

He has to know you're serious.

And seriously, divorce him. This is no way to live.

Why should the girl literally drug herself to pander to a man’s ego at not sitting in the front of a car?

I agree with this.
You either never go out with him, take friends, live separately but under one roof and crack on doing things that make you happy or you divorce. It’s actually quite freeing when you stop worrying about their happiness and just pursue your own.

I would see what sort of mood he is in today and if not good, leave with DD.

I would tell him that you see that his bitch whining is to deliberately spoil your holiday, so you will remove yourself from the situation. I would make it super clear that things will be changing at home and if he thinks yesterday’s performance counts as a good marriage or a good relationship he can shove it. He can make his own way home at his own expense because he is selfish entitled and profoundly ungrateful. His poor parents having raised such an embarrassment.

The only thing to do.

My DH has form for moaning on shopping trips. The girls ended up telling him not to come. He doesn’t drive either so we didn’t need him on these trips.

Also he never liked getting up early on holidays. I was always up by 7:30 wanting to explore - so off I went alone for a couple of hours.

Basically I would just say “be grumpy when you are outside your familiar territory, but I’m going to get on with my trip”.

I love it when the kids put on their music. I’ll sing along to Bad Bunny and Taylor Swift any time. I would tell him that he needs to bring his choice and they can take turns, 30 minutes each.

So treat him like a child and get on with your trip. However our eldest gets travel sick so sits in the front. We all know!!!! We would not have been able to go to the lakes because of it. Surely your DH knows too. That for sure is mean.

Be strong and enjoy a beautiful area.

So you can split up then, you're not stuck because you rely on him financially?

Yes. Don't waste the rest of your life on him. He doesn't sound likeable or as if he particularly likes you tbh. Just do things with your DD for the remainder if your hols and sort the rest when you get back.

I'm going to assume you do most of the house stuff too. If you stop carrying him, do you think he'll move to his parents' so they look after him instead?

Formally separate when you get back. You are right that he’ll probably refuse to leave the house but at least you can get the legal ball rolling.
Living your life like this is not really living.

Ask him what he would like to do today? Or just say that you and your daughter seem to be getting up his nose, but don't mean to, and ask him how he would like to move on to make this holiday more agreeable for everyone? If you don't get anywhere with attempts to try to rescue the holiday, and perhaps your marriage, it looks like it's make your mind up time.

And yet again on a thread like this, I find myself asking what exactly the point of him is. I could understand if logistics with small children meant it was easier to stay together, but you have no life! You do everything, he’s a drain on all of you and you’re the breadwinner. Of course you can split and live a lovely life without his misery. His parents are enablers! My DM would have told him to snap out of it - MIL wouldn’t though, so I see why you’re stuck. It’s almost like gaslighting when there is very definitely a problem but they’re making out like nothing is wrong. I’d take your daughter and the car and leave. Go somewhere together for a couple of days. He can get a lift back with his parents. Or - tell the three of them to leave as it’s you who’s paid and as they don’t like it, they can all F off home!

Go home and let his parents take him home?

Move out. Contribute 50% to the mortgage and initiate the divorce. It should be quite simple as you don't have young children living at home. He works so just go in at keeping your own pensions and assets and splitting the house equity 5050

He sounds exactly like my ex-DH . He did suffer with depression, which was medicated, but he drank a lot and always wanted to be in control. DS and I walked on eggshells round him on holiday and bent over backwards to accommodate him . It was like he was jealous of DS because we got on well. He was constantly criticising him and knocking his confidence. I also paid for all the holidays . I knew I couldn’t spend retirement with him. It came to a head when he attacked DS while drunk. I did what I should have done years before and left . It was a financial struggle at first but at last we could relax and we are very happy . Think long and hard sbout what the future will look like with this man x

He sounds exactly like my ex-DH . He did suffer with depression, which was medicated, but he drank a lot and always wanted to be in control. DS and I walked on eggshells round him on holiday and bent over backwards to accommodate him . It was like he was jealous of DS because we got on well. He was constantly criticising him and knocking his confidence. I also paid for all the holidays . I knew I couldn’t spend retirement with him. It came to a head when he attacked DS while drunk. I did what I should have done years before and left . It was a financial struggle at first but at last we could relax and we are very happy . Think long and hard sbout what the future will look like with this man x

Why move out and have to pay rent at the same time?

If the op wants, she can move into a spare room, start divorce proceedings and pop the house on the market. Move out when it sells.

I mean his behaviour is clearly rubbish, but it does read from the op and the updates like the family dynamic is you and your daughter are a tight pair and he's the 3rd wheel. I can imagine a vicious circle, he feels left out, he behaves ridiculously, you leave him out more and it just continues. Either you are done with it and are accepting of that and it's time to call it a day or you try and shift the dynamic towards being more of a trio and see if things improve. Honestly putting him in the back seat seems ridiculous though and would not be helping the dynamic, we have teens/tweens that suffer with travel sickness, every time we drive up to the Lakes we have to stop for a bit because someone is nauseous (we go cross country, no motorway from our house), but that doesn't mean we let the kids sit in the front seat at the expense of the none driving adult.

Because even simple divorces take at least a year, she's miserable. And it helps him see there's no coming back so he's going to be more amenable.

Just as an FYI, @TheLizardQueen there are plenty of train stations up here. Get him booked on a train home and enjoy your stay.
Welcome to.the lakes, btw.

Stop enabling him ! Stop paying for everything, letting him get away with being an arsehole!. You need to have a serious talk when you get back. Tell him he needs to feckin drive for one coz your days of chauffeuring the lazy bastard around stop here (how does he get to work, go out day to day etc when you not around ?) , stop calling all the shots re house etc and if things don’t change you’re gone ! See a solicitor and start getting your ducks in a row . Show him you mean business and let mummy know she can have her Godforsaken lazy ignorant poor excuse for a father back !

Whilst you are away, google divorce solicitors. Ring and make an appointment for when you get back from your trip.
They will tell you your likely position in a divorce. If you have a spare room you can probably sell then house and downsize?
Imagine how lovely it will be to decorate your own home to your own tastes and not have him walking around it like a black cloud.
He will get older and grumpier and if you don’t take action this crap will be your life for the next 40/50 years.

Why doesn't he drive ?

Leave, as in today. Drive home or go stay somewhere else you and DD. His parents can spend a couple of days listening and talking to him. You and DD can stay somewhere else or go home. Leave this awful man. Put your house on the market and file for divorce you deserve so much more than this