Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

Feeling carsick has nothing to do with the difference between the distance of the front and back seats ffs. It's to do with how your brain processes the view you see from the car, which is totally different in the front and back. If I had to sit in the back of a car for more than 10 minutes I'd vomit. In the front I still feel sick but can generally not actually be sick.

Travel sickness is a horrible affliction and makes every journey a misery. I've suffered from it all my life and learning to drive at 17 was game changing for me. I've always been the driver since.

Fortunately I married a nice, understanding man who let our travel sick daughter sit in the front with good grace, because after all who sits where is not a fucking power trip when someone is constantly feeling and or being sick.

As for you denying someone feeling ill the front seat basically just because you feel like it - you are a disgrace. Thank your lucky stars you don't really get unwell and try a bit of empathy.

OP, you sound so absolutely passive.
Your poor daughter.
What a childhood.
Don't kid yourself that she isn't affected by this lazy, nasty, selfish loser.
You 100% can stop paying for anything that includes him.
You can refuse to drive him anywhere.
You can refuse to do shopping, laundry and cooking for him.
You can refuse to tolerate him bullying your daughter.
There is lots you can do.
Reach out for support and advice.
Get legal advice.
Sell the house.
Divorce him.
By a two bed flat.
Tell him to get a lift home with his mother or the bus.
Stop allowing him to bully your daughter.
Car sickness is very unpleasant.

OP I think neither you or your daughter should speak to him for the rest of your hard earned holiday. I'd just blank him, do your own thing, have a nice time without him and leave him to spend his time with his parents.

As for when you get back home, is this really how you want to grow old? because I think it's likely he'll only get worse as he gets older. Surely however difficult separating is, you can't live the rest of your life like this.

No wonder your daughter isn't keen on a relationship 😬

You and your daughter deserve better. I’m so sorry 💐

Next time, leave him at home.

This
Then drive home without him or telling him once you are ready to go home.
That will give him something to actually moan about and his parents can drive him back.

I think you misunderstood my post completely. I was saying she should stop pandering to someone who needs to be dragged out (and driven!) to do something fun with their own family is not someone who deserves any energy expended at him.

So i think she should continue to ignore him, have fun with her DD and give some serious consideration to potentially ending the marriage.

Life is too short (and too hard at times all by itself) to live with a misery guts in your own home.

You’ve tolerated this shit for 23 years
wtaf
why???
you and your daughter deserve better if leave him to be honest - life is too short and you both deserve better
raise your standards here and set a good example of how things should be and what is acceptable (and what isn’t in this case!!) for your daughter

You’ve got one life to live, OP. Is this how you want to live it? With a whiny manchild that contributes nothing but misery to your life and your daughter’s?

He didn’t contribute anything towards it? You said you have to pay for so much you’re unable to save and I’m just wondering if either of you have any spending money at all?

I was thinking the same. If he won't go with you.. your DD will have flown the nest and you will be left doing everything on your own.

"I will always take DDs side!"

Even when she's obviously wrong?

In that case why are you mad at his mother she is only doing what you will do, supporting her DS no matter what he does.

I’ve just read through, and have been left wondering what this lazy, critical, tightwad, misery guts brings to your life.

He really does sound joy-less. I guess some days he pulls his head in, and those days aren’t so bad….and that might be your rationale for staying with him.
Maybe I’m wrong, if so my apologies for assuming incorrectly.

Kindly, I wonder if you have been too obliging, too ready to carry the load, too accepting of his behaviours in order to keep the peace. He seems too depressing for words, and the thought when your daughter does spread her wings, you’ll be left on your own with him is fairly dire to contemplate. Do you call him Victor Meldrew to his face…if he were my H, I definitely would! And I’d be calling him out about his boorish-ness, also get him behind the wheel, well time you stopped ferrying him about. Time for him to be an adult!

You poor thing and your poor daughter. I can see that the prospect of splitting up seems very daunting but you have to find a way. Tell him it’s over and you are divorcing him. Get estate agents round and put the house up for sale. A small flat for you and your DD would be amazing compared to living with this poor excuse for a human being.

Can you sell the house and buy somewhere with your dd @TheLizardQueen ?

He sounds ghastly. If you divorced could you buy somewhere for you and DD with half the money from the house?

You could explain the impact the moods are having on your relationship and suggest couples counselling to talk out the issues in a more managed way. He might reject that idea out of hand. If he does you have other options.

1. Try to discuss the issue with him in private . Pick you moment carefully and listen to what he has to say.about his triggers. You might be surprised that what you are doing is triggering this reaction. You may have to compromise a bit to mitigate the impact, for example not going on holiday with him,. If you just tolerate the situation without any attempt at resolving matters you might end enabling him to become worse as he gets older.
2. Agree to live separate lives in the same house while maintaining your joint standard of living band while tolerating each others behaviours.
3. The nuclear option:. Separate and/or Divorce and accept the financial repercussions.. Get some advice on what a 50:50 split would look like as it sounds like neither you or he could buy the other out and keep the home. So it would be sold and perhaps enough to put towards small home each. Any other savings or pensions would be also in the matrimonial pot as part of the settlement. A divorce later in life is almost always financial suicide unless you are a wealthy couple, but if you think you ( and maybe him) would be happier apart then, you and he have to deal with the lower standard of living that goes with that freedom, and possibly work longer to recover financially.

It's up to you to decide what's right for you .. Do get financial and legal and tax advice before you take any steps to divorce,.though.

What changed to make him grumpy, has he been unwell? Why can't he drive?

she said his parents are there. @TheLizardQueenthey can drive him home.

Seriously just go out with your dd for the day and leave him to do what he wants

I once had a boyfriend like this. I organised and paid for a whole holiday to Venice for us (because he “didn’t have the money” and wanted to go somewhere nice). He spent the entire holiday miserable and complaining. About everything. The only time he was happy was when he was buying designer t shirts in the airport (suddenly had money). He did the same on a trip I paid for to Berlin (including the t shirt thing). I didn’t dump him right away but it certainly added to my list of “reasons to dump him” and contributed.

Honestly, I’d maybe consider not bringing hik
next time…

Your DD is 19 adores her father and usually absolutely loves family holidays. On this holiday she’s very unhappy, he seems to be almost bullying her and she’s desperate to go home. I am confused then… is this a complete personality change in him? But then all your follow up posts indicate he’s been like this for years @TheLizardQueen ?

I’d go out for the day with just my daughter, and on the way out remind him you’re still waiting for him to pay his share of the holiday. I suspect he has no respect for you and has never considered you’d actually leave him. He’s way too comfortable.

He sounds like a child. And what is it with grown men not driving? I’ve experienced this, and being the driver whilst having someone sitting in the back, complaining. Needless to say, we are no longer together.

So many mumsnetters seem to live in the arse end of no where “very rural” with multiple children and don’t drive but rely on their partners to drive!!

He sounds exhausting to be around. Go out with your daughter for the rest of the trip without him and talk to a solicitor when you get back, life's too short to be this unhappy with someone