Husband's bad mood on holiday has made the whole trip miserable

[TheLizardQueen]

Holiday ruined 😡 Arrived in the Lake District on Friday. All going well until yesterday we went to explore. DH moaned and rolled his eyes all day making it not a nice experience. Same again today when we went out. Moaned at DD because there were shops she wanted to visit. Said he was going to wait in the car for us. Didn’t come into any shops and instead waited outside in a mood. Went for dinner as a treat. He said his meal was horrible (ours was great) complained about the table next to us talking too loud. Complained all the way home because DD sat in the front and played her music, which I don’t mind. DD can’t sit in the back due to windy roads and travel sickness. Then he told her she was making it all up because she wanted to sit in the front seat. I’m the driver btw, DH doesn’t drive. She was mad that he said she lies about having travel sickness. Then he told her to not talk to her for the rest of the holiday. She’s in her room alone. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife. Worst thing is we’re here with his parents (who I love) but his mum is taking his side in all this. Me and DD just want to go home. We’re walking on egg shells. I can’t even look at him, he thinks he’s done nothing wrong. Seriously thinking about my future now 😞 Been together 23 years. DD is 19 and still (usually) loves coming on holiday with us. I’m so sad 😞

If you’ve got assets then you’ll be ok after a divorce. You’ll have to give him half but anything would be better than living like this.

You're only fifty. You could easily live well into your eighties. That's a very long time. Do you really want to spend it with him.

Get rid. In the divorce, he can go and buy himself a small flat. Unlikely, his daughter will ever want to go and stay with him and she's not a child so he doesn't have to keep a bedroom for her for contact.

Get a smaller place, and as you earn more money than him, you can hopefully start to build up some savings.

I would say if you don't stop constantly complaining I am driving back home with DD in the front and you can please yourself.
Don't listen to his Mum , she is hard wired to take his side- he needs to pull his socks up or get lost.

Can your PILs drive him home at the end? If so, I’d get the hell out of there!

Then initiate divorce proceedings once you are home. You can sell the house and get half each and be free of this misery.

I think she was talking about how nice their holiday home is, where they are now.

Ah, ok I need to improve my comprehension skills!

Still, my point stands WRT to their own home.

Sorry - think I posted in the wrong place! Apologies

Can you and DD afford to stay somewhere else and still have a holiday, just the two of you? Leave H and his mum to their own misery.

You both deserve better than this manchild (moaning because his DD needs to sit in the front - stupid, unkind man). Please know your future could be so much better without him.

For the holiday I’d just crack on with dd and leave the 3 of them to it.
Once home seriously look into divorce. Life is too short. You have a house that can be sold and work you’ll be fine. You don’t want to live like this for rest of your life.

You cannot change him. This is who he is.

Do you really want to remain married to him all through your retirement?

When you decide you are ready for divorce, start a new thread and you will get loads and loads of practical advice and support here.

And this is a time that she can sit in the front, so why not allow that because a sulky man wants to be in the front?

Initially, I was going to say that maybe he just didn’t want to go shopping etc and your DD could take a travel sickness pill and today is another day but your subsequent updates have totally changed my mind!
What a miserable arse!
I think I’d either tell him to get a train and bugger off home, or I’d bugger off with DD and leave the miserable bugger with his parents.
He’s got it made hasn’t he? He hasn’t paid for the holiday, you earn more than him and can’t afford to save because you pay out more than he does and then you have to be his personal taxi driver because he can’t be bothered to learn to drive.
On top of that, he’s treating your daughter (and you) appallingly!
I’d rather rent a little flat with DD than spend another day with that useless excuse of a husband and father!

If you told him you want a separation would this be a wake up call for him?

If you do separate, could you sell the house, take half and buy a smaller place for your DD and you?

Yes I know. I get travel sick myself. That’s why I was asking why were they mentioning seat distances. It seemed odd to me to pretend to be travel sick just so you can sit in the front!

I’m sorry,he is jealous of your daughter,spending time with you.my “dad” was like this,as a adult I went to visit and stay for a few days,he would shout me awake every day,his wife would ask what i would like to eat etc,and he would blow his top at her,stop running around after her, etc etc,which she wasn’t at all,just being a good host,I guess.but it all came down to he wasn’t the centre of attention,at that time and I was and he hated it.it sounds like your dh is taking his resentment out on your dad the same way.there was a lot more to my “dad” i haven’t had contact for many years and he hasn’t ever met my two youngest.

What do you want to teach your Ds about relationships and what is she learning here?. Do not stay with him
now just because he refuses to leave/has nowhere to go. Where he goes when you separate from him is not your problem. Your house can be sold and the two of you should go your separate ways. You would not want your dd either to be married to such a man so stop showing her this is at all acceptable to you still
on some level.

Sorry I meant dd

Also people should stop mentioning travel sick pills. If you get sick the best place is the front.
If he doesn’t get sick then there is no issue for him sitting in the back. He’s being ridiculous.

Also the pills aren’t magic. I’ve puked after taking them many times! They don’t always stop it!

Agree that this does not sound a healthy or happy dynamic at all. Have you talked to your husband about depression? Has he seen a gp?

The holiday has highlighted this issue, but it's clear from your follow up comments that this is a much bigger issue and that he's just not engaging fully with life. The aging dog gave him an excuse to hide behind, and before that your dd was fairly young so a bouncy distraction in the house.

Sounds to me as if he is unhappy if not clinically depressed and existing rather than coping with life, and as so many men fail to do, has not addressed it head on. I would be pushing him to see his GP and sign up for counseling asap

Book an appointment with a specialist divorce lawyer and find out what your options actually are. This isn't the Victorian era, you should be able to ditch this malignant growth if you choose to, especially if you're the breadwinner. Would you expect him to put up with this behaviour from you if the situation were reversed? Bet he'd be gone like a shot.

Why the GP purely because he’s making a choice to be a dick?

You absolutely could leave, he’d struggle but that’s not your problem.

He is dragging you down .
DD is 19 now so old enough to understand that things aren't great she will soon be off living her own life and leaving for uni or something.
You say you can't divorce but 5years left on a mortgage.
Start living your own life leave him behind in his stale miserable mind .
You're worth more than putting up with this you woukd probably thrive in a little place of your own and your daughter can spend time there with you.
As for the in-laws id put it too them honestly and say your not doing this anymore.
It already shows that life is far nicer without your husband around you.. you've outgrown the miserable bugger .. get out there start living a life without him holding you back its scary yes but more scary to think you be stuck with him in retirement xx

The house with the hot tub is where they're staying on holiday, not where they live @panomara

I agree though about selling their actual home and moving on from the husband.

Oxenholme is your answer.