How can I be sure I'm not his retirement plan?

[800wow]

As sure as anyone is?

I'm comfortably off in middle age, and have been seeing a man for nearly 2 years. He's lovely we have a great time together and also enjoy time doing our own thing. We don't live together and never will (been there done that, not doing it again).

He pays his way and we are able to do lots of nice things without worrying about money. Our finances are completely seperate, his money is none of my business beyond the fact that he pays his share, but I suspect he's much more live for today than I am. He doesn't own his own home for example, having never wanted to be a homeowner.

As we're starting to look like this is a long term thing, I've started to ponder what would happen if/when he can't work.

I've made it clear we won't live together and he's accepting (happy) with that but at the same time, we probably both know that if it came to it I'm not going to see him on the streets. It was supposed to be a bit of fun, but has gone beyond that now.

His finances are none of my business but it is starting to feel like they do affect me. That said, am I going to finish with him because he doesn't have adequate pension arrangements?!

I am a bit of a catastrophosizer. Is this a valid concern and what, if anything should I be doing avout it at this stage?

Not if they aren't married and don't live together it won't.

I work in content marketing as a freelancer and I earn more than I ever earned in full time employee roles at major corporations.

Yes, there are lower paid positions, that's the case in most industries. I think you are making a lot of assumptions.

I only have 1 initial question: Are you in love with this man? x

There was a thread on here by an older MNetter. Similar. Lovely boyfriend/partner who was chaotic with money. No security at all. Whereas she was very comfortable, with I think adult children.

He tried really really hard to convince her he was a viable option (not to live together necessarily, just to convince her he wasn't a waster). Finally, she ended it. She wanted to maintain her security more than she wanted to be with him.

And I don't blame her.

Can’t you have a conversation with him?

just casually say you were chatting with someone and they were talking about retirement planning and financial advisors etc…… what are your plans for when you retire???

he could have a tidy pension tucked away, be making massive contributions, relying on inheritance.

Huh?

Sure, but asking him questions about his pension / plans for the next c.40-50 years doesn’t have to mean disclosing EVERY shred of financial information on either side. You can keep it light. The fact you very much don’t want to disclose makes it feel like you really don’t trust him - maybe that’s you overthinking, maybe it’s a spidey sense tingling - none of us can answer either. Just ask for a general gist/overview, out of interest.

because I didn't want to tell him what a good catch I am

You're fully retired at 47.. do you think he is stupid?

Late 40s! Goodness - he still has at least 20 years of work ahead of him.

He's in his late.40s, she's 7 years older - therefore she's not 47

I read it wrong as him being 40! But same applies to be honest, if he is 48/49, then she is fully retired at 55/56.. and presumably has been for at least the 2 years they've been together.

People don't fully "retire" in their 50's unless they are set for life. It's ridiculous to think that just because she hasn't told him she's well off he doesn't know!!

I'm sure the law is changing OP, so that if couples have cohabited for a certain time ( something like 2 or 3 years) the non home owner will have a claim on the property.

Yes, it is easy to say no.

But he doesn't know how big the prize is because OP said she deliberately hasn't let him know how comfortable she is.

No

If he worked!!! Which does not seem to happen very often

And I am sure those that are in full time marketing freelance, work extremely hard, he however does not work very much at all according to op

Are you saying you know he has no pension he's paying into or you haven't discussed? And he stands to inherit a big property - will that be shared with a sibling he has? is his current rent expensive? Does he live in a desirable area ? Could he potentially downsize If doesn't ever put other visitors up ?

If you are a worrier, ( sorry can't think of a less critical word in this heat), I'm sure he should be ok with you raising these questions at a suitable time, eg when you might want to share some little tidbit about your financials or if he ever raises the question of his inheritance again. Pick the time carefully and go for it. You can sit and wait for a good moment. Hope he can assuage your worries.
Good luck.

He must know how much her property is worth. Plus any mention of previous employment will be an indicator of pension. I don't think he needs to be Sherlock Holmes.

Why are you making stuff up consistently?
OP has said many times. He works. He definitely works.
She's said he doesn't work a lot. Yet he seems to be able to afford stuff. Maybe he's very well paid for what he does do.