Gutted - can’t take job offer for my absolute dream job 😞

[TheDrswife]

Anyone else had to swallow a very bitter pill? I’m a copywriter and I’ve been offered a full time hybrid role for my favourite ever brand that I buy a lot of.

The problem is that I also have a three year old in term time nursery only (no scope for more days). I doubt I could find another suitable setting so quickly and tbh I don’t want to - she’s my priority and I don’t want to just shove her in some random childcare that she doesn’t know.

So I get that it’s my fault for being so inflexible but I just don’t see a way I can accept this job 😞

Why can't DH "help" and why is it even "helping" ?!

His schedule has been tied down for the next 6 months due to his profession.

As someone who has always worked full time with kids, there is always a reason not to take the job.

If you do take the job then you’ll make it work. There is unpaid Parental Leave to give you 4 weeks PER CHILD of unpaid leave per year. I use it to take 4 weeks per year of extra leave to boost my 6 weeks annual leave to 10 weeks. It wouldn’t cover it all but holiday clubs and childminders and grandparents all help.

I am now coming out of the other side. My eldest is 15 now (so preschool and primary years were pre-wfh normal) and my youngest is 6. I have an intact career. I have covered it all without asking for much from DH (another story) and it does take planning, and sometimes you fudge work, and sometimes you’re late for childcare, and sometimes it is all too much and you have to raid Tesco for breakfast pastries on the way to school, but the security of still having a job I know and understand, with people I have spent time building a reputation with, as I enter my 50s absolutely makes every one of those juggles and sacrifices worth it.

I can’t get my head around this being a dream job, but then not doing even 2 mins of research in to possibilities but instead choosing to starting A Mumsnet thread about how gutted I am that I can’t take on the role

I was in a similar position. I accepted the job and am very grateful but asked if I could adapt my hours to suit school pick up time. Explain how much you want the job and thank them for the offer. Good luck!

Can you do some of your hours on an evening when your 3 year old is in bed? Ask the question for flexible working for work/life balance. The worse they can say is no

Might also be worth having a look on childcare.co.uk, social media and any other local networks to see if anyone is up for a nanny share. I can imagine this is also an issue for other parents at your child’s nursery, so do ask around.

Contact your nearest uni/college doing childcare/teaching courses there will be students wanting holiday jobs and all DBS checked etc.

Well you know what they say, never meet your heroes.

This is why we chose a childminder rather than a nursery :)

Please do not give up on your dream!! I got my dream job when my little one was 3 and we made it work. It was really tough in the beginning and a lot of juggling but he is now 8 and a second one not also and it works much much better. Show them it’s ok to follow your dreams and put yourself first sometimes 🥰

MN threads are research!

Have you tried to look for say a childminder? My son went to one post covid and he had the best time. He was there from aged nearly 2 to just before starting school. Lots of day trips. Year round care (aside from her holidays). Ability to drop off before 9am and collect before 6pm.

Read the Op
the Op isn’t asking for help
she has resigned herself to rejecting the job offer
despite having done zero research

This. And your child won't care.

It'll be less essential when you're earning a good salary.

If you spend every penny you earn on a nanny, it's still a good investment.

If it's your dream job and dream brand you won't get over it. Especially as a copywriter in the current market.

Have you spoken to them? Also speak to your dh. When this happened to me, I made enough in the new job to cover him working 4 days, so he was free for a days childcare. If start date isn't an issue, you have plenty of time to look for a childminder you like for holidays. I don't think you need to turn it down, just discuss with them and calmly worth through your options.

Ask you husband to sort it out. His full-time job is causing your new full-time job a problem, so he'll need to sort out childcare for his child.

I suspect if you were the busy GP and he'd just been offered his dream job, you'd still be the one sorting everything out. Let him be a modern man.

He has committed to a schedule for the next few months

are you saying he renege on that?

No, I'm saying he can arrange the childcare, instead of assuming the mother will

Well they can work together on it
but seems a little unfair for him to arrange childcare entirely when he had already committed to a
work schedule at the time the Op was working hours that didn’t necessitate childcare

You can sort this is you want to, OP. If literally the only problem is childcare, then that’s a problem pretty much every set of working parents have and yet they figure something out, and that’s for jobs that are far away from their dream. You still get PTO, as does your husband. Hire a nanny to cover the rest and take the job.

Depends on where you live. Childcare places for school age kids are like hen's teeth round here. I have had to limit my hours because of it.

If it's your dream job, you need to be a bit ruthless about it.
You tell your dh that you want to take this job and that you both need to figure out how to make it happen. It's not all on you , he's a parent too.