Home security cameras and MIL

[AWildPlaceToStart]

We have had security cameras fitted at our new home that we moved into 3 months ago. They record all around the outside of the house and parts of inside but just by external doors and our home offices. There are none in our family’s actual living space.

My MIL has kicked up a huge fuss saying that she doesn’t want to be recorded and is refusing to come to our house unless we get rid old them or turn them off when she’s here which we won’t be doing. We have asked what exactly the problem is and she just says she doesn’t want to be recorded in our home but can’t or won’t really say why.

Would you have a problem with the cameras? If so, what would be your concerns as I’m trying to understand what MILs issue is.

Jeez, where the F do you live OP, sounds like a very dangerous place given your need for all that security when you are IN.

But maybe you are out in the countryside with nothing around you only burglars.

OP, many people have told you the same thing. They feel intrusive, that's the reason. People feel like they can't be themselves and worry about data breaches etc... it's okay if you don't like the answers but many people have explained the reasons.

@OP - I have read the thread , but if I have missed this , I apologise. Have you shown her on the monitor / screen exactly what you can see from each internal camera. If she can see where she can / can't be seen would that make her feel better. Again if you've said this , sorry.

Data breeches, I get but it will literally be her arriving and leaving our house. Not being able to be yourself, I will discuss with MIL, but as I’ve said, wherever we would be sitting, she wouldn’t be on camera. She understands that and isn’t bothered with the cameras hearing her. She just doesn’t want to be recorded arriving and leaving even though we’ve explained we will never look at the footage unless there is an issue.

We will speak to MIL again when she brings it up. If she cant deal with it, that’s fine but we will need to tell her that she won’t be able to visit and to stop bringing it up

I wouldn't like the cameras inside, I wouldn't mind the outside ones. We'll be getting security cameras at some point but I absolutely wouldn't agree to any inside.

Inside it feels like an invasion. Do they have audio recording on them or just video? I wouldn't want a conversation to be able to be replayed and listened to later. It's the same if someone points a camera at you, you don't act naturally as you know it can be watched back.

I know you said you won't turn them off but surely chains on the doors would be more secure than inside cameras. Preventing people getting in would mean you don't need evidence for when they do.

Also maybe she just likes to remove a wedgie r something before heading inside but doesn't want you seeing that or knowing!

Me too.

Its a horrible invasion of privacy and tbh I've wouldn't visit anyone who has cameras recording me in their home as I wouldn't want any private conversations recorded.
Outside on the street and in shops, offices etc i expect it these days and never have private conversations nor am I in my pj's (i know some people ware them outside but I dont), but in a private home is wrong, creepy and there's absolutely no need for them to be recording in the house when people are in imho

I don’t think MIL should have the final say in what goes on in our home.

That is your boundary and you are prepared to not host your mil (and dh is prepared never to have his own mum) in your home again to enforce it. It is like people refusing to put their dog in the kitchen if someone visits. You can refuse and the person invited can also refuse to come.

Nothing anyone will say will give you a magic formula to change your mil's mind (just like nothing you say to someone nervous of dogs will make them comfortable). She has decided. She is entitled to boundaries too.

Are the cameras really that important to you for the couple of hours your MIL will be in the house? Is it really that difficult to turn them off and back on again? Sounds to me it is like the principle of the thing for you - sounds like a bit of pissing contest you and dh are in with his mum. Doubt the relationship is that great anyway in that case.

Why??? How can you be comfortable doing anything knowing you are constantly being watched like in Big Brother? So bizarre

Have you seen the clips from social media of people, for example, tripping up on the way to the door, or jumping in surprise at something.

People do odd things with camera footage. Not saying you would, but it can make people uncomfortable.

Knew it wouldn't take long to see that comment 😂

Your home security is more important than your MIL getting pissy about cameras @AWildPlaceToStart. Your DH can visit her or you can all meet in a café. Your home, your rules.

Does she avoid supermarkets too?

Op I’m one of the ones who find it intrusive, and I’m sorry you think people are being vague.

I’ll try to be very detailed instead - I fear you’ll think this is passive aggressive but you’ve asked for clarity so I’m trying to provide it.

There are LOADS of psychological studies that show that being observed changes your internal reactions. The first is the observer effect. It’s one of the weird reasons why it’s always really weird to type when someone is watching you. People also report higher levels of anxiety and an increased fight-or-flight response. The same responses have been found with AI note takers in video calls - which I use - the participants report low-trust and it changes the culture.

Of course the same is true for burglars, right? Knowing that they are being watched is a huge deterrent. But shrugging your shoulders and making MIL out to be weird is dismissive of tonnes of scientific studies.

As others have said, you are entitled to have them on. She’s entitled (and human!) for saying they make her uncomfortable.

I have them downstairs. I have a mischievous dog and I like to be able to check on him when I'm out. I don't think they record though it think it's live feed only.

A win for her, certainly.

Our indoor cameras only record when we are not in , they are linked to our phones and switch on when the phone location moves away from the home. I find it strange people recording their home, like these viral videos on DIY disasters like why were you filming inside your home?

I wouldn't want to be recorded in someone's home and in my world is isn't normal. The constant presence of a recording device breaches a social expectation of privacy. It certainly doesn't enhance any feelings of being welcome or of relaxation. I can quite understand anyone feeling uncomfortable about it. It's hardly mind blowing.

If the cameras record audio as most do these days you would be liable for civil claims and breaching both gdpr and human rights laws.

@AWildPlaceToStart Don't lie just switch the audio/camera off when she's there or accept that she will never visit, its up to you to choose whichever one you prefer

I would hate it too - they are intrusive and unnecessary. Of course, OP, you have every right to do whatever you like in your home, but your MIL also has the right not to visit you.

I’d hate it. Just not a nice feeling to be watched. I don’t blame her.

@MayWelland People have said it’s weird of us to have cameras, but I haven’t, and wouldn’t, call anyone, especially my MIL weird.

I was hoping to find out why MIL was against them, as she really hasn’t said much, so that with some reassurance, she could visit, because she wants to.

I really like my MIL and some people are being quite nasty in the things they’re assuming and saying.

We will talk to her when she brings it up again and try to provide reassurance, but she really can’t accept the cameras being there, then she will have to accept not visiting and not talking about us turning them off. Some problems can’t be solved I suppose.

This 100%.

Again, I’m fine with her not visiting if that is how it has to be for her to feel comfortable, but she is upset that she can’t visit so I was trying to help her feel comfortable by finding out exactly what the issue could be and hopefully providing reassurance. She can obviously choose not to come but she wants to come, so I’m trying to find a way she can, as turning off the cameras is not an option we are willing to do.

@AWildPlaceToStart Sorry if you've already explained this, but can't you turn the interior ones off when she visits? Is that impossible. Surely inside cameras are only really advantageous when you're not actually at home.

We don’t want to for reasons I’ve explained if you read my pp.

She doesn't want her MIL to dictate what she does in her own home - even if that involves recording MIL.