Home security cameras and MIL

[AWildPlaceToStart]

We have had security cameras fitted at our new home that we moved into 3 months ago. They record all around the outside of the house and parts of inside but just by external doors and our home offices. There are none in our family’s actual living space.

My MIL has kicked up a huge fuss saying that she doesn’t want to be recorded and is refusing to come to our house unless we get rid old them or turn them off when she’s here which we won’t be doing. We have asked what exactly the problem is and she just says she doesn’t want to be recorded in our home but can’t or won’t really say why.

Would you have a problem with the cameras? If so, what would be your concerns as I’m trying to understand what MILs issue is.

Yes in the bedrooms but we have a laundry room/walk in wardrobe type room off the master bedroom that we often change in, only the doorway to that room is in view of the bedroom camera. We also often change in the bathrooms which do not have cameras.

Can you go to hers or meet at a cafe?

Yes, we visit her at her house, go for meals, to the theatre etc so she does see us but obviously our home is a big part of our lives and she would like to be part of that and visit us at home. Before we moved, we lived quite far from her so she didn’t visit, but it’s an issue now we are closer.

I have to admit I’d feel uncomfortable knowing I was being recorded by family or friends. I find the idea of it quite odd, although thankfully I don’t know anyone who would impose that on their guests. It probably wouldn’t stop me from visiting, but I’d be very conscious of it and I doubt I’d feel able to fully relax.

If it were while visiting ds, I think I’d find it particularly strange. If I were having a 1-1 conversation with him, I’d feel very uncomfortable knowing that I could potentially be being watched or listened to later, however irrational or unlikely that might actually be.

It also doesn’t seem like a huge ask to simply switch it off while you have a visitor, so I’m struggling to understand why you’re so resistant to doing that. It would be a small compromise that would make a visitor feel much more comfortable.

It’s difficult not to wonder whether the reluctance for something so easily done is about something more than just wanting the system left on and whether it’s part of a wider issue around monitoring or control.

You have probabaly had this discussion before but in case you haven't, have you put it to her that you are very happy to visit her at her house if she doesn't want to come to yours and that you won't be turning the cameras off because of the burglary. as i said I may not be the ob=ne to ask though as ulitmatums do not go down well with me.

"so I’m struggling to understand why you’re so resistant to doing that"

because their home was broken into while they were actually at home and footage helped to catch the thieves

Don't you worry about data breaches etc... Do the cameras pick up sound?

I think you should turn them off when she comes over.
Have you gotten any therapy after the burglary? If it's interfering with your life you probably should. Security cameras are all well and good until they are upsetting your personal relationships.

We put internal cameras in at my mums for her. You just don’t think about it
I would just say they are not being removed will only be looked at if there is a problem and does she realise that she will be being recorded walking down her street by neighbours cameras, in supermarkets when she is shopping, walking down the high street etc et
cameras are everywhere

It’s not easily done when you have been through what we have. The cameras being on make us feel more secure so they won’t be going off.

You can't lie to her, that's no way to proceed.

I think this dislike is neither rational or irrational. To me it's like some people not minding sitting right up to people on public transport (don't even notice it), and others needing a wide berth. Everyone's different.

Can you show her what a person might see on the recording? You will have told her about the previous burglary, I'm sure. Have you told her that the recordings are only kept for 30 days, that you never look at them, that you couldn't care less what's on them, that they're only there for the police to access if/when the need arises?

Well the cameras inside the house very usefully provided the police with nice clear pictures of the burglars...

Why wouldn't you just turn off the internal cameras when she visits? Surely you don't have some principle about having cameras on when people visit? Yeah maybe she has a bee in her bonnet about the cameras (lots of people don't like it - I'm one of them) but couldn't you just say "margaret - what is she like about the cameras - ridiculous. switch them off Derek so she'll visit"

There are hills MNers die on with their family that are incomprehensible to me. And yeah MIL could suck it up too - but being filmed is intrusive to her. Not filming isn't intrusive to OP and her DH.

This
Just point out to her that every time she goes to the supermarket, shopping centre, walks through town or visits most shops she will be on camera!

The truth hurts.

You are being provocative and belligerent, and you bloody well know it. So leave your cameras on, I really couldn't care less what you do, but your poor MIL, don't you see her point of view at all? Get a dog and let MIL visit without being recorded scratching her backside or blowing raspberries, probably at you!

They’re not going off, I’ve been clear on that. We are fine, living life, but we want the cameras for security and a deterrent. The police said they were a good thing to have so we will listen to them. Without the cameras, the burglars probably wouldn’t have been caught and we wouldn't have got our things back. No one else has an issue and I don’t think MIL should have the final say in what goes on in our home.

The cameras don't make you more secure, they only potentially provide evidence after the fact. Locking the front door/any doors you are not nearby, for example, would be more secure if security is your concern. Or if you have a big house leave cameras on in areas you are not actually in while MIL is visiting.

You have your boundaries.
Yoour MIL has hers.

Neither of you are wrong.
Therefore you cannot meet inside your home.

(Can you turn the audio recording off independently to the visual?)

Inside cameras are an invasion nod privacy not security measures. External cameras absolutely fine. I also wouldn't be visiting

I’ve explained they have been a deterrent in the past, specifically one we had monitoring inside the house in one of the back rooms. They saw it and fled.

Im not going to keep replying to posts like this. I’m wanting to understand from anyone that wouldn’t like cameras, why that is, not to argue about cameras themselves.

It's weird to me.

I can just about see why you might want to have cameras recording while the property is empty, or maybe at night. But during the day - while you're just living your lives. Yeah, that's weird.

totally agree.

The police are not mental health experts. It's not normal to be so worried about another burglary that you can't temporarily turn off inside cameras when your MIL visits.

I said in my first post why it would make me uncomfortable. But you chose to reply only about you need for security not about why it made me uncomfortable.

Honestly you do sound very uncompromising for the comfort of your guests when you have options.

Can you please stop.