Home security cameras and MIL

[AWildPlaceToStart]

We have had security cameras fitted at our new home that we moved into 3 months ago. They record all around the outside of the house and parts of inside but just by external doors and our home offices. There are none in our family’s actual living space.

My MIL has kicked up a huge fuss saying that she doesn’t want to be recorded and is refusing to come to our house unless we get rid old them or turn them off when she’s here which we won’t be doing. We have asked what exactly the problem is and she just says she doesn’t want to be recorded in our home but can’t or won’t really say why.

Would you have a problem with the cameras? If so, what would be your concerns as I’m trying to understand what MILs issue is.

For the sake of keeping the peace I’d just nod and smile and say you’ve turned them off for when she visits.

That's because she wants you to turn your cameras off so she can visit. You're not going to so she's not going to visit. I don't understand how this isn't viewed as sensible. You have your reasons, she has hers, and you've both managed accordingly. It might not be making everyone 'happy' but it's the only solution since no one is going to budge.

Your choice, you obviously choose the cameras.

She's therefore not going to visit.

You maybe need to explain very clearly to her that you will never change this position so she will never be able to visit.

Then she will have to stop asking to visit you.

You're not the first person to say that, even on this thread, but I would feel awful lying as she obviously feels strongly about it and I respect that. I suppose if she told me she had done something and I found out she hadn’t, it would ruin the trust I have in her so I wouldn’t do that to her.

I can understand why you would feel anxious in that case, but if MIL is adamant she won’t be filmed and you would still like her to visit then it might be a case of weighing up the risk/ likelihood of a break-in actually happening during the time she is visiting and trying to find a compromise you can both agree on.

So how long does she visit and which rooms does she actually use? If she’s only visiting in the daytime maybe a compromise of only having the external door cameras on whilst she’s there but turning off the camera in the kitchen. If she stays overnight maybe the compromise of having internal cameras off during the day but on overnight. I understand your anxiety if you have been broken into before whilst home, but realistically the chance of someone coming in through the kitchen door in the middle of the day whilst you and MIL are sat there having a cup of tea does seem unlikely so maybe you do need to try and not let your anxiety rule on this one for the sake of your relationship with MIL.

The suggestions to lie are exactly why people like MIL are uncomfortable with cameras. So, I applaud you for not stooping to this level, OP.

I wouldn’t lie. I would just have to accept her decision she wasn’t visiting.

Security from what? What do you need security from inside your own house?

How were you burgled when you were in, had you left external doors/windows open?

I personally wouldn't have cameras indoors as I fkn swear like a trooper when anything goes wrong or gets on my nerves, and I don't want anyone to see or hear that! Outside covering access points, back garden, drive, doors no problem. I can't be heard there.

Look, you sound very determined to keep the indoor cameras on, so do that. It is not essential though so you could actually turn the damned things off for the duration of her visit. You don't want her there do you? Seriously now, no excuses, your reasons for keeping the indoor cameras on for her visit are quite spurious, and provocative IMV.

I accept I’ve not got any control over who sees me via cctv when I’m about and about. I’ve nothing to hide.

but I assume my home and private homes that I visit are just that - private. I wouldn’t want to feel that I could potentially be being watched. Or a recording me being played back. I’d feel uncomfortable rolling my eyes if you forgot to put sugar in my tea, or if I slipped on a banana skin in your kitchen, or if I needed to adjust my bra strap while putting my coat on beside your front door.

and, to be honest, I’m conscious of ‘big brother’ and that any data is unlikely to be fully secure.

having said that, I respect and understand why you are security conscious. It must have been such an awful experience. But surely you can turn the cameras off when they visit? I really don’t understand why you’re refusing to do that if they visit during the daytime.

I’d hate to visit a house where I was being recorded. I wouldn’t do so, in fact. And if I found out I’d be recorded without my knowledge, that would likely be the end of any friendship etc.

You don’t need to know the ins & outs of why, you might find some of it insulting. You just needs to respect your mother in law’s fears.

Read the thread

Some of us have had incredibly traumatic experiences in our own homes…

I did. She was broken into but still doesnt explain why cameras are needed inside the house.
It makes sense to have them outside as a deterrent. It doesnt make any logical sense to have them inside covering only entrance doors and office space. I think a better idea would be to move or get a big dog. I feel a bit sorry for MIL who can't relax but sure shes only the husbands mum she doesnt matter.

I have a couple of cameras pointing to the front and back and tbh, I hate them. I can understand your MIL's concerns, I don't like being filmed either. I block the one in the garden now unless we leave the house. Is there anyway you can just cover them for her visit or are they too high?

We have cameras all around the outside of our house. Anyone who doesn’t want to be filmed arriving or leaving can just not come to my house! The only inside camera we have is on our cats automated feeder so we can check on her, and top up her bowl
remotely, when we are not there.

My general thought on this is that people can do whatever they want to their houses and it’s nobody else’s business. But other people can also say “I don’t want to come to your house” and that is also fine.

Cameras do not stop horrible things happening. I cant understand the logic of what they would help with when only covering office areas?

She probably just wants to be able to pick her nose or scratch her bottom in peace, OP.

I love my MIL and I like her!

No we hadn’t left doors and windows unlocked, but as the police said, if someone is determined to get in, they will.

Spurious? If you have read my comments and believe that then there isn’t much to say and I won’t reply further to you.

Your post was unnecessarily passive aggressive.

I have a friend who has cameras in her house, including her dc bedrooms, I think it's really creepy, tbh

I think it's a massive red flag and seems very controlling. For children to not even have privacy in their own bedrooms. Not to mention the risk of a data breach or cyber attack on the company who owns the cameras.

Thats not true thankfully. They can be a deterrent. Plus they provide evidence that might prevent others suffering harm.

In any case, it’s OPs house, she can have cameras in every corner of every room recording 24/7 if she wants. Her decision. And of course, MILs decision not to visit.

I've got cameras inside as well, but they are only enabled when we are all out, in case of intruders otherwise we'd be getting endless notifications on our phones every time someone walked across the room. Are you sure he's actually recording all day long? Seems unlikely.

The only reason I’m trying to find ‘the ins and outs’ of why, is because I thought if I did, we might be able to reassure MIL and then she’d be able to visit, as she wants to. If she wasn’t bothered and was happy to just see us at her house and outside of our home, I wouldn’t be asking, but she’s not.

hmmm have you offered to meet her outside of your house?