Home security cameras and MIL

[AWildPlaceToStart]

We have had security cameras fitted at our new home that we moved into 3 months ago. They record all around the outside of the house and parts of inside but just by external doors and our home offices. There are none in our family’s actual living space.

My MIL has kicked up a huge fuss saying that she doesn’t want to be recorded and is refusing to come to our house unless we get rid old them or turn them off when she’s here which we won’t be doing. We have asked what exactly the problem is and she just says she doesn’t want to be recorded in our home but can’t or won’t really say why.

Would you have a problem with the cameras? If so, what would be your concerns as I’m trying to understand what MILs issue is.

Ask your mil if she sits and follows everyone on the find my app. If she says no that's weird then explain that it's the same with the cameras, even if you have a monitoring package, they won't be sat watching everything you're doing. There will be a trigger that alerts someone to check.

I hate cameras but as long as you don't make me watch it I don't care where they are if it gives you peace of mind.

It seems that the world is split into people who are completely happy with being recorded 24/7 no matter where they are, and those who are not. I, like your MIL, am in the latter group. You are in the former group.

There is nothing more for you to understand about your MIL's feelings about being constantly monitored. She doesn't like it and doesn't want to be in your home while the cameras are on.

You put your desire to be able to deter/identify burglars above your MIL's perfectly normal desire not to be under constant surveillance in your home. That's your decision. It's one which I consider to be unreasonable, and to be honest, quite paranoid (even allowing for your previous experiences) but it's up to you.

Personally, I'd move house rather than live somewhere where I'm always on the alert for burglaries, especially during the day when people are very obviously at home.

I really can’t see what the fuss is about. My whole family has cameras in every room, as well as outside, for security - one of my sons had a burglar and I had an ex-stalker once breaking in, it makes us all feel more relaxed knowing there is a deterrent effect if anyone did try to break in, and proof for the police if they did.

The only time we look at the inside ones is if the toddlers do something funny we want to share, or once when there was a mysterious wet patch and we wanted to see if the dog had weed inside. It’s actually really really tedious scrolling through old footage, so no-one in their right minds is actually watching it without a very good reason.

If anyone chose not to visit my house because of that (I do make them aware they exist), then they can happily stay at home.

Are you genuinely happy for your naked children to potentially be part of a data breach? Or videos leaked of you having sex? What will you do if your children tell you they are uncomfortable being recorded 24/7? I ask all of this genuinely because it's utterly baffling to me.

Ok, my bad, I should have said we have one in every room downstairs, plus one aimed at the stairs, we don’t actually have them in the bedrooms, I think that would be weird.

She wouldn’t be under constant surveillance. Inside the house there are 5 cameras on entrances into the house. She would only be recorded when near to the entrances. There are a further 2 cameras, one in each office which she will never have to go in.

The rooms we would most likely sit in wouldn’t even pick up audio.

Disgusting advice.

OP: what is with this camera / spying obsession? Criminals wear masks. What are you trying to achieve with these indoor cameras? And why on earth would you refuse to stop recording while you're home and have visitors? Please stop recording people in private areas. Homes are supposed to be private. Even those aren't safe anymore. Wish cameras had never been invented.

I'm a MIL and just wouldn't dream of telling my son and DIL what to have in there own home

Why on earth do you need cameras in every room? That's beyond weird.

To those who seem surprised that people can be burgled when they’re in, there was an awful incident on our road which we learned about when the police knocked on doors the day afterwards. Basically the burglars used tools to rip off the French door handles at the back and just walked in and helped themselves, including to the cars. The householders were screaming at them from the stairs and they just laughed. The police recommended Patlocks for French doors which make it very difficult to force entry.

If your MIL hasn't felt able to explain, maybe she has a mild degree of social anxiety she is embarrassed to talk about and feels self conscious being filmed. Thinking about being filmed gives you an outsider perspective on yourself and some people find this stops them from interacting in a relaxed and unselfconscious way. If you say 'it's only us seeing it' she may agree she shouldn't be bothered by this but still find it difficult to turn off the feelings of self consciousness that come from knowing you are observed.

If she only visits when you're in, I didn't understand from your posts why it would reduce your security just to turn the cameras off for her visit. You could ask her to help you remember to turn them back on again.

I can't imagine recording my own home day in, day out, on the off chance that someone tried to break in. I have had my home broken into and know what it feels like and how scary it can be. But there are much less extreme ways to deter break ins than 24/7 CCTV on your home.

I can understand why your MIL feels uncomfortable about it. It can feel a bit invasive being recorded in a private family home. It's not the same thing as CCTV when out and about because it's your family/ friends essentially monitoring you and looking at footage of you.

Equally, if its your hill to die on then you have every right to do it, but she doesn't have to keep coming over and you should respect if that is her decision.

You have audio too? Bloody hell. Are you President Putin by any chance? What possible reason can you have for having audio?
I totally understand your MIL's point of view. Video and audio devices inside the house, switched on even when people are in and even when you have visitors. That's absolutely insane and I'd be worried about what kind of people I was visiting.

I don’t understand the reluctance to turn off the relevant camaras when she is there. It literally takes a couple of seconds on most setups. How about telling her she can through a cloth over any cameras while she is there. Obviously this only works if they are not wall mounted.
You flat refusal to consider muting the camera while she is there is odd. If you are in the room then your argument that it’s for security is silly. It doesn’t sound like you like her at all. If I had been burgled whilst in the house and the cameras had helped the police catch the criminals then I can imagine just how important they are to you but to be so rigid about it when it’s someone who you claim to love and that you say you want to visit you seems strange.
Surely you can see by this tread how normal it is to dislike the thought of camaras watching you in a house.
BTW have you got teens? If so have they any opinion on this?

There are some nasty people posting on here OP. Ignore them. It’s obvious that you care about your MIL and are trying to make her comfortable to come to your home. I would explain how little the cameras will capture her and that you won’t be watching them unless there is a problem. There is nothing else you can do. If she still isn’t comfortable, she has to accept she can’t visit and you will see her elsewhere.

We have cameras on all doors and a couple of other rooms. It’s normal in my family and friends to have cameras. A friend of mine had thousands of pounds worth of jewellery stolen amongst other things and also got it back due to the cameras and good policing. Her husband and daughter were at home at the time. Burglaries happen in daytime.

personally id have cameras, but on a closed network rather than connected to the internet that or have a backup hidden set that only you and your partner know of

Sounds like a bloody win to me

Not worried at all, we have a secure system.

Yes they all record video and audio 24/7.

Audio indoors is very intrusive.

Being recorded makes people feel uncomfortable. I hate being recorded on camera. My current workplace has loads of security cameras inside. I got used to them until I looked at the camera footage a couple of times. I don't normally look at our cameras, i was asked to look at the camera footage for something else. When I saw myself on the footage i was surprised at how much i could see. The cameras can really zoom in. I was by myself on the footage. I saw myself adjust a bra strap, i saw myself scratch my armpit. Its embarassing.

I know my bosses watch the footage a lot as we work some days when the managers arent there.

Now Im more aware of how much Im recorded and watched, i don't like it. its intrusive

I live a fairly low tech life, we don't have a TV, security on our house and nothing in our house is automated, we android phones that are several years old. I run a person to person business with very low levels of tech even though lots of people in my industry have a huge amount of social media presence.

I resist recording myself, having images of myself or sharing stories about my work, or indeed, my family, even though I have a big impact when I do occasional visibility practices. I just don't feel comfortable doing it.

I think, I do understand how she might be feeling. She is used to living her life without images of herself being shared. She may be catastrophising (sp?) about having her image being viewed by other people, even you.. being caught on her less attractive side, being caught making faces or picking her nose, feeling that she has to be on her best behaviour. She might be seeing articles on line of the potential 'dangers' of technology, the risks of your image being hacked and shared. I know younger people who refuse to share pictures of their children but have high security on their homes. This could be rooted in all sorts of things, but might simply be rooted in fear of the unknown.

How can you help her to feel safe?

I think each to their own. But I hate indoor cameras. It feels so unnerving and weird. But im older and maybe a lot of us over certain ages just dont find it comfortable. Or needed. Outside is enough for security.

Home security and family safety.

how does it give more security than cameras outside? outside cameras would pick up intruders.

Inside cameras will make guests feel uncomfortable

I’d hate this.

I’ve stopped going to a friends house because she has CCTV on in her house - I hate it and can’t relax.

it’s completely different to a cafe or any public space where my privacy is protected by law