My boy died on Wednesday. He was 18. Is anyone around? I can’t sleep.

[SecurityLight]

He was autistic and troubled, he lived in supported accommodation. They found him on Wednesday morning, sitting on his bedroom floor. No one knows exactly when he died or how. He was alive at 01:13. He was dead at 10:30.
He had 3 younger siblings - all young teens living at home with me. I have to stay strong for them and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

@Victorius19 I’m so very sorry 💔

It might have been mentioned up thread but Child Bereavement UK can support you. They have a helpline as well as groups and other resources - nothing needs to be done straightaway but in time peer support will be invaluable they are staffed by people with lived experience.
with best wishes.

How are you doing? @SecurityLight silly question of course, but I’m thinking of you.

Thank you. I have told a lot of people today. I don’t like telling people.
And I keep getting a physical pain around my heart, like in my chest. It that why they call it heartache?

So so sorry to hear of your loss💔

I wept reading this. I am so very sorry for your loss. 💔 😔

OP, I am so sorry.

Having to tell people and hear their reactions over and over must be terribly tough right now. Can your partner take over that aspect?

I am so sorry. Yes, the pain of grief can be very physical. Heart ache, heart sank, broken heart. All speaking of that pain you feel as each person you tell makes it that little bit more real.

💔

Yes, this is it. Every time I say it, rams it home a little bit more, that he isn’t coming back. 😭

I’ve been encouraging my other children to play outside, for their mental health. We were in the garden last night, they were on the trampoline, which I installed nearly 10 years ago when we moved here and for the first time had a garden because my boy desperately wanted one. He was so excited about it and spent so many many hours out there, learning front flips, trying to learn back flips, making up games to play with his siblings, I have so many videos of him on it.
It just hit me how unique he was. I love all my children with all my heart, they are all wonderful people. But none of his siblings is quite like he was. He wasn’t better, just he was himself and no one else will ever be that.

I’m so sorry.

@MysweetAudrinaI thought your post was extremely insightful.

When I was going through something very difficult and would start mentally beating myself up it helped to have a sort of mantra that I repeated to myself to try to stop the negative thoughts.

When ds died I had such physical pain. I had all my bloods done which came back fine and I continue to have them done every 6 months.
22 months on I still get overwhelming pain like a huge hole in my middle. The pain of losing a child is indescribable.

.

@Epoisses 😭💔💙 I’m so sorry that you understand this. I wish no one would have to.

@SecurityLight I wanted to just send virtual hug, a huge long one . I watched my mother lose her son many years back. No mother should have to bury her child.

Please reach out to organisations that may be able to help. Even if you think it doesn't to start with , another time I hope it will.

The description of your boy on the trampoline sent images of happiness. This was his happy place . You were a brilliant mum to him I know and he was lucky to have you and you him. I hope that you will find light and continue always to do so xx

Whwn I experienced a great grief this year, other wiser women explained how exhaustion would catch hold at a later date. I'm glad that they forewarned . My memory was very poor and the waves of grief took me unannounced . It felt rare, but there were glimpses of kindness that kept me going . Please take care .

My condolences to all of you for your loss ❤️

Thank you and I’m sorry x

I went to visit his room
today and spent nearly 3 hrs just sitting in there. It felt right to do so. I sat in the spot where he died. I cried a lot but I felt able to talk to him for the first time there. I am glad I went.

I keep talking about him and his passing and then I see his face (he is my phone Home Screen wallpaper) and it doesn’t feel like I’ve been talking about the same person. Like how can it be him who is dead. It makes no sense.

I am so glad you were able to do that. Please keep doing what feels right for you.

All the feelings you are describing are normal parts of the grieving process.

I am so very sorry for your loss, OP. From your loving descriptions of him, he sounds like a fine young man. You must be so proud of him

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through at losing a child. You are in my thoughts x

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.
He sounds like such an adorable young man.
My sister lost her son 4 years ago, age 26. It was horribly sudden and so traumatic so I have some insight into what you’re living through, having seen it with her.
Sending you love and peace at this most awful time xxx

Thank you 🙏

They cut him open today. I know it’s not him any more. I know it’s just the vehicle he used on earth. But he is my baby and they cut him open.

I’ve spent the day trying not to think about it. I took my younger kids to the lido because it’s horrifically hot here in the south.

but now I’m home, and quiet and they cut him open. None of this should be happening. I don’t want this pain. 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

It should not be happening. There are no words we can say. But we are here with you.