My boy died on Wednesday. He was 18. Is anyone around? I can’t sleep.

[SecurityLight]

He was autistic and troubled, he lived in supported accommodation. They found him on Wednesday morning, sitting on his bedroom floor. No one knows exactly when he died or how. He was alive at 01:13. He was dead at 10:30.
He had 3 younger siblings - all young teens living at home with me. I have to stay strong for them and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

@SecurityLight contact a funeral director. They will mediate for you. There will be (may already have been?) a post mortem. The post mortem results will be released to you straightaway, and then the coroner may well agree to his body being released for burial/cremation.

The funeral director can negotiate all this with you, they know exactly what can/will happen. It's more likely your boy's body will be released sooner rather than later. And it's his body, his soul is still with you.

At a later date (often months later sadly, due to overstretched services) there will be an inquest. Again, the funeral director will be able to explain all this.

Please contact one today, if it's the only thing you do. It will help with so many questions.

I want to see him but I don’t think they’ll let me. Google says that when someone is in the coroners mortuary they only allow visitors for identification purposes until the report is completed.

I am so sorry for your loss. What a huge shock for you. I have no advice but a big hug for you.

The coroner and his staff will be very very sympathetic to your situation.

They have a process to go through to establish cause of death but wont hold him any longer than is necessary

I am so sorry. Sending much love to you and his brothers.

DB and I were a bit older than your boys when our DM died. She and DF knew it was terminal but we didn’t, so when she died it was a terrible shock. All I can say is that you just get through the early days and somehow you cope.

@watermybegonias thank you. I didn’t know any of that. I have to drive home today - probably 7 hrs in the car. But I’ll contact a funeral director. My boy didn’t live in the same town as me - his funeral will be there as it’s nearer to where his dad and dads family live (it’s not far from me and we all used to live there). Should the funeral director be local to there I assume?

Are you still away? What helped me was having my friends come. I could talk to them if I needed and they just sat with me.

Do they have cousins or other family members close to their age? My cousin stayed with me for days.

Each child will be unique. I’d just keep them near, even when you are falling apart. I would tell them this is going to hurt like hell and you’ll get through it together. But that’s my voice, my way. You will have your own way also.

@Maray1967 I’m sorry you had to go through that. No child should have to deal with such things

@OneSparklyGoat thank you. We are going home today. Two on them have already told their friends and had long telephone conversations with them. The middle one says he doesn’t want to because telling his friends would make it real and he doesn’t want to believe it

Are you talking next town or an hour away? And what has his Dad said? If he is in the same town as your son it may be easier to go with a funeral director there.

Honestly, they hold your hand through everything, it's unbelievable what they will do. It's not just about an actual funeral.

I'm so sorry @SecurityLight

Take the advice from @watermybegonias

With the DC, they will all react differently and will be up and down. Give cuddles when they want them and accept that grief is different for all of us.

This charity Winston's Wish - Bereavement Support for Children supports children through loss. You might like to reach out.

Sending you strength at this hard time

All absolutely normal reactions. They each need to come to terms with it in their own way, and that may be 3 very different ways.

https://winstonswish.org/

I have used Winston's Wish and yes, they are great.

I'm so sorry for your loss @SecurityLight
I can't imagine your pain, but please try and think of your needs too so that you can, in turn, support your children. Sending you love and strength 💐

Like the pp @SecurityLight am so sorry for your family’s loss of your boy. As above Winston’s Wish are an amazing charity and I also would suggest contacting them

It’s not so close but his dad does live there and his body is there. I can get there by train within an hour. I used to visit him regularly.
He had just got his ear pierced and he was starting a business with a friend and asking his brother who is creative to design business cards for him.

I will contact Winston’s wish. Thank you to all who’ve suggested it. I had never even heard of them

He’s managing his own way and I did similar, protected myself until I could manage to absorb it. Not long.

I just keep crying - my eyes hurt but it doesn’t stop.

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a dreadful shock for you.

Please be kind to yourself. 💐

Oh sweetie I am so sorry for your loss.

My stepson died 2.5 years ago aged 16 so as a family we fully get what you are going through and a fair amount about what happens next.

The fact there will be a coroners inquiry doesn't mean they won't let you see him. It also shouldn't take weeks as he was 18 and therefore classed as an adult. There are a limited number licensed to deal with children so we did have a wait, but his mum and her husband, Dh and I and his siblings were able to see him if we wanted to.

Try not to hold it in too much around your other kids, they need to know it is ok to be upset and cry.

Here to help if I can @SecurityLight

This is grief. Your body will be in shock, your mind unable to function and your body may not feel like your own.

Remember to breathe. Drink water. Eat when you can bear it. Try to sleep, even though it may feel impossible.

Could you find someone else to drive you all when it’s time to go?

I am so sorry for everything you and your family must be going through. I recommend you try and organize grief Counselling for everyone asap. I don’t live in UK, but in Aus, we would go to our GP first for a referral. I hope you get some answers and some support as soon as possible.

I’m so so sorry for your loss 💐 x