My boy died on Wednesday. He was 18. Is anyone around? I can’t sleep.

[SecurityLight]

He was autistic and troubled, he lived in supported accommodation. They found him on Wednesday morning, sitting on his bedroom floor. No one knows exactly when he died or how. He was alive at 01:13. He was dead at 10:30.
He had 3 younger siblings - all young teens living at home with me. I have to stay strong for them and I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

Oh love I don't know what to say. This is a living nightmare I just wanted to reach out to you x

I just want the world to stop turning. I know it’s selfish. And stupid. And illogical. I want to step off.

btw - I’d never do anything to end my life, please no one worry. I would never do that to my other children, or the rest of my family and friends.

I am so sorry to read of your awful news. I am sending you my thoughts and prayers.

I don't think it sounds stupid at all OP. X

It just feels wrong, it’s more than a week now. Then it will be more that a month. And on and on forever. And I look at his picture and I feel like I could message him or call him and everything would be normal.

It’s ok to talk to him still.

Are you taking care of yourself?

I'm so very very sorry for your loss. How dreadful. How are you doing?

I am six months ahead of you, and will try to help with some practicalities over the coming days if needed. For now, it's one foot in front of the other, minute to minute.

We lost our amazing daughter in February. She was a bit younger than your son, and just about to make her way in the world.

Do you mind saying what county you are in? PM me if you want. We have some amazing support for all the family, and it's available for friends too. They don't cover the whole of England, but we have a support worker who has been there whenever needed, and helped me integrate back into work. I have also started receiving counselling and complementary therapy through them.

I am so sorry to read of your darling son's death. There really are no words which will help, but it will lessen in time. It will never go away completely but then your pain a reflection of your love, and that is part of you.

There was a mum on here who used to still send emails to her son, and got a lot of comfort from being able to 'speak' to him that way. I think she said that she copied the messages to herself, and kept them in a separate folder to look back through occasionally.

Xx

No words. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

@ScruffMuffin Berkshire x

Deeply sorry for your loss.

Sending you my deepest condolences. My heart breaks for you and your family

When my partner died I started talking to him through his Facebook profile, I still do nearly 12 years later. I'm the only one who knows his password so it hasn't been changed to that remembering thing they do. I get a message often that I have memories from past years & to see us together then still makes me smile. Does your ds have a social media profile you can speak to him through?

I found the Compassionate Friends helpful in the first year after losing my daughter (sorry if this has already been posted). They are a group of parents who have all lost a child (of any age) and have branches throughout the UK. You are with other people who understand how you feel and that can help just a little bit.

chttps://www.tcf.org.uk/in-your-area/

I'm so very sorry. It is the hardest thing. One friend who had lost her own daughter said to me: " I wish I could tell you it gets easier. You do get better at dealing with it though" and that turned out to be true.

Ah, we have support from 2wish, but I don't think they extend that far east yet.

We booked the funeral as soon as we could, and that gave us a focus for other things that needed to be done. Have you heard of the Tell Us Once service? You can enter details online, and lots of important organisations (passport office, DVLA, Inland Revenue etc) are informed simultaneously.

If anyone offers to help, let them. Six months on, I find it really hard to plan ahead and shop for food. My husband and daughter help me, but people wanted to being meals in the early days and it was very much appreciated.

Other life admin we have dealt with: swimming/ gym membership, UCAS (I asked her school to inform them), writing a tribute for the local paper as they were already running a story about the mysterious medical episode that happened at school; bank accounts, trust fund, dentist, optician, child benefit (they have a special bereavement line if I remember correctly), planning legacies for her schools.

I've thrown myself into fundraising and writing a book, but everyone is different and it's OK to feel whatever you are feeling. Xxx

I am so so sorry. No parent should ever have to go through this and think about it. Hugs and support from me.

The coroner has ordered an inquest. No cause of death evident from post mortem examination. Small samples of various organs and bodily fluids sent off for analysis. They won’t issue interim death certificate until there is court space to list inquest and funeral cannot even be arranged without the certificate.

Oh how terrible. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through.

You need to query this. My daughters inquest took 5 months to be scheduled but her interim death certificate was issued immediately.

Yes query it. Ds's inquest took nearly 2 years but his body was released for cremation in 3 weeks

My heartfelt condolences to you OP. May your darling boy rest in peace.

Looking again at the letter it’s a bit unclear whether they mean the interim certificate needs the inquest to be listed, or just the process to be started. I will contact them on Monday and ask.

I have been thinking of you @SecurityLight . I am so sorry.

I felt like some people assume your son took his own life, but I wonder if having no cause yet means that isn't likely. No need to answer. I just wanted to raise the point so people would take a minute.

For my stepson the process had to be started, which usually means that a coroner states further investigation is needed amd adjourned rona later date.

If they have taken samples then they will then issue the interim certificate and allow the funeral. It should only take about 10 days from the PM taking place before they issue it.

Dss died on 1st March and funeral.was 10th April so it wasnt a huge wait.

They don't like to rule suicide as sometimes it can be assisted etc. Even when the inquest happens they will likely rule is as death by misadventure.

It likely means that the PM has shown a cause of death but it is not fully clear whether it was accidental or self inflicted. Dss had a history of not taking his meds. His insulin pump wasn't on him. His back up wasn't on, neither was charged and neither had reported data to the hospital on over 48 hours. It was unclear whether he had just been an idiot and too cavalier or whether he had intended to kill himself.

I hope that helps give you some understanding.