Am I the only one?

[SpiritualLife]

I'm at that age. The age where people forget you exist. Men don't look at me when I pass by. No one lusts after me. I'm just another middle age woman. Desperate to be seen. Wanted. Desired.
Desperate for someone to see the beauty that used to be obvious. Desperate to have moments of passion.
Tragically invisible. Like a ghost but still living.

It's bliss. A male first sexually abused me when I was less than 3 years old. To be invisible to that sex is amazing.
Male attention has no value.

I’d like to be more invisible tbh. I still get comments on my appearance, though nowhere near as much as I used to, and it’s still jarring. This week I’ve only had a couple of women make comments but I still don’t like it!

have you tried dating? not every middle aged man wants a 20 something

Come on now !!! Great sex with someone else cannot be compared to great masturbation. Both are great, as I said, but connecting to someone you love (or even just really fancy) in that way is a wonderful experience and nothing yo do with validation 😂

I don't particularly remember any time when men looked at me as I passed by. No-one lusts after me, but I'm not sure they ever have. It never occurred to me to care.

I think anarchy99 has 'issues' around understanding human relationships and their importance to most people's lives.

Your worth has very little to do with your looks

Not true (for women).

Desperate to be seen. Wanted. Desired.
Desperate for someone to see the beauty that used to be obvious. Desperate to have moments of passion.
Desperate for my new book to be published

😆

is this a guess your age now they don’t allow the photos ?

97

It's not "tragic" at all. It's just nice to be able to get on with life without worrying what other people think (especially men). OP, why aren't you concentrating on the good things in your life?

Well I was single throughout my entire 30s (just dated some losers) and I used to get wolf whistled all the time. I took very good care of myself and worked out a lot. I had the spare time back as my son was a teenager (young marriage). I knew how to dress (finally) and what suited me. I was wearing lovely heels all the time.

Almost as soon as I hit 40, it all stopped. I put on about 2 stone when I was doing the exact same workout regime and diet as before (which was healthy). I guess it was hormones or whatever. But overnight it all stopped. By then I had just met the guy who is now my partner so I stopped caring anyway.

It does initially get to you, but you soon forget about it! How long have you felt like this, or how long has it been since the attention stopped?

I think you just have to give yourself a break, and not judge your worth by what other people think.

Having had lots of hassle from men since I was in my early teens I have found it a welcome relief to be less visible to them. And, I have found women are nicer to me now! Beautiful young women don’t being out the best in a lot of other women.

I don’t miss the horrific sexual harassment I experienced from aged 12 to my late 30s. Since my 40s I have been invisible to men and I don’t want the harassment back but it would be nice to be told I’m beautiful by someone whose opinion matters to me.

I’m now 58, work hard at gym classes, eat healthily, have had a really good skincare regime since my teens, have long thick hair I have done regularly and dress well. I don’t do it for the validation of others but I do sometimes think it’s a shame no one else notices.

I did feel this for a bit but then I realised men repulse me anyway and its fucking wonderful to be free of their foul shallpw perverted attention. I got kittens and embraced my fate.

Some serious issues there, lady. Where you're going wrong is that you don't seem to love yourself, you shouldn't be so worried about what blokes think.

I hope you find the support you need to find your worth.

Thats why personality is so important, make funny comments be laid back, easy going talk to people easily. Im ugly as hell with a saggy belly but somehow still manage to get random mens attention with a silly comment

One of the things I like about being older is this invisibility.
It is very freeing

You notice though, and being nicely dressed matters to me, even if I am not noticing who is looking. A woman who works at the checkout, at my local supermarket once told me that I wore lovely dresses. She noticed, and what she said had nothing to do with whether I am pretty, or not. That was a lovely compliment.

I doubt you're the only one, but I was never attractive enough to have men lusting after me even in my long-vanished prime. Be glad you had the chance to experience it. I'd love to spend just a week as an attractive, young woman, to see what it's like having random men being pleasant to you.

For someone so desperate for attention the OP didn't bother coming back when she had ours.

*I'm at that age. The age where people forget you exist. Men don't look at me when I pass by. No one lusts after me. I'm just another middle age woman. Desperate to be seen. Wanted. Desired.
Desperate for someone to see the beauty that used to be obvious. Desperate to have moments of passion.
Tragically invisible. Like a ghost but still living.
Honestly, this sounds like the start of a tik tok story which suddenly ends and you have to look for part two!

Im 61, so just another middle aged, well old tbf, woman, and I can't relate to your post at all.
Nobody has forgotten I exist. Why would they? I have friends that check in on me, have a laugh, have serious talks, we make plans.
I have sons who care about me and I see or hear from daily and I have a beautiful, caring D.i.L who is so thoughtful.
My husband loves me to bits and shows it everyday.
Men still get a flirty with me sometimes and have a laugh with me but have also had my back in work situations.

I've never been beautiful but I make sure I look good and have aged well.
I have no interest in men lusting after me, that would be silly, not that any do, im sure!

I am really confident and quite happy to tell people, especially strangers ' no, i dont want to do that' The look on a guys face when he ignored a couple of lads in their 20s but tried to stop me, asking if I had two minutes to spare to talk about cancer research and I said no and carried on walking was priceless or the guy well known around town trying to tap people up for change and it was an out right no, he looked in disbelief and said there was an atm around the corner! He was shocked when I said i didn't want to do that! IDGAF!
I love having plans, doing things, listening to new music, seeing new bands, going to art galleries etc.
Op dont stay stuck in the past or desire male attention, try and live an interesting life by looking around and participating and having fun

As my friends say 'live life large!

I kinda get it, but ifeel that you are placing way too much importance on it. I was someone who always seemed to capture male attention, never much understood it as more girl next door than gorgeous for sure, but it was a thing and I once had a very cringey experience where a girl I worked with asked a guy we worked with why all the guys fancied me 😳 cos I was pretty but not that pretty (or words to that effect) quite frankly it was the most insulting compliment I ever got! 😅 But his answer was interesting, as he said "confidence" pretty much that I was just myself and not trying to get anyone's attention. (And she definitely wanted male attention)

So...it might not be a middle-aged thing so much as a loss of youthful exuberance and confidence, as those who are desperate for attention...aren't always the type that attract it. (I was in a long-term relationship and had didn't care whether the men I worked with fancied me or not)

That said...I am now in my 40's and the attraction of random men has definitely waned and I would be lying if I said i hadn't noticed and it can definitely add to that feeling I have of being well past my prime 😭, but...I don't put as much effort into my appearance as I did (I was in a line of work where fitness and appearance was important) as I am no longer interested in being judged by what is on the outside, so other than the odd twinge of vanity I don't really give a crap!
Male attention was more hassle than it was positive!

I suppose if I was single and looking to meet someone, it may be that I would find it more depressing, but at this later stage in life, would you really want someone to want you on just a shallow level??

It's sounds like YOU need to find your worth outside of what you look like, that way "losing" your looks won't bother you as much.
We see how much fighting aging can mess you up in older models and actresses with faces full of filler! There is more to beauty than a flat tummy and wrinkle free skin. X

I don't look at men as they pass by, nevermind look lustfully at them. I don't want or desire random men. I barely register who is around me most of the time never mind care to make doe eyes at people or wonder if they find me attractive.

I like being funny and capable and laid back and thankfully aging has just made me funnier, even more capable and more chilled out than ever. I really don't much stock in looks, the best people I know are the best people because of their personalities not their looks.

I am 52 and a bit chubby middle aged woman, I literally don't care anymore. It's liberating not to care what men think of me. I was slim and pretty when I was young got cat called etc but it's all superficial, I wish I hadn't relied so much on validation from others when I was young. I don't want a relationship, I'd rather have nice friends who care about me