Am I the only one?

[SpiritualLife]

I'm at that age. The age where people forget you exist. Men don't look at me when I pass by. No one lusts after me. I'm just another middle age woman. Desperate to be seen. Wanted. Desired.
Desperate for someone to see the beauty that used to be obvious. Desperate to have moments of passion.
Tragically invisible. Like a ghost but still living.

Op you need to love you`re selve more and worry less over men wanting you seeing you etc.

I love being invisible but then again im very content and happy and i dont need a man to want me or need me i dont want a man full stop.

Mid fifties here. Yes I remember realising that I wasn’t getting cat-called whilst out and about anymore - which was a nice relief! But I don’t feel invisible.

Plenty of people seem interested in my opinion - more so as I’ve got older and I suppose it’s recognised when you have experience that might be helpful. As for wanting male attention when I’m out, as long as DH is still interested that’s all that matters.

Two underrated things that I think people notice - smiling and being confident. I’m generally happy with myself and I guess that shows in a quiet confidence in my interactions. I’m not sure of the science of it all but people do seem drawn to that. When I smile at people and am bright and cheery with them, they seem to respond in a positive way. Maybe OP your feeling invisible has translated into a lack of confidence in your body language and demeanour.

OP I wonder if you have name changed recently because there’s a poster that posts every week or so about how depressed she is because she was beautiful and no longer is.

It can come across as humble bragging unfortunately. And if losing your looks is the worst thing, you are lucky.

I don’t think it’s humble bragging. I think it’s trolling women, telling them they will be come irrelevant.

Is that how people are validated then? That’s sad.

I would sooner eat my own shit than have a relationship.

Once I left my teens, I have not bothered to mess with makeup or clothes to look good (probably couldn’t anyway). I have achieved what I have without relying on looking attractive - very liberating.

It saddens me that people see their looks and those of others as so important.

Nope, I am bald, no eyebrows or eyelashes after chemo therapy
Happy to be alive

That’s fine, but wanting passion isn’t necessarily wanting validation. I still enjoy having a passionate relationship, I’m not looking for validation from my husband.

You need to decide if you are going to use your powers of invisibility for good or for evil OP.

So you value passion? As in sex? Surely that’s still looking for validation as you can’t have that on your own

If you want all that, are you dressing as stylishly and carrying yourself the way you did when you were younger and got attention?

Or are you treating your ageing body with the indifference or contempt that you accuse others of?

Love yourself first, OP. Your beauty may be different but your charisma can still shine.

Having had men talk to my tits from the age of 13 I found it quite refreshing to become middle aged and invisible. And then the menopause gives the gift of cannot be arsedness, and its even more unimportant what men, or anyone tbf, think of what I am wearing or look like.

Sex is part of it sure, I enjoy sex with my husband, it’s not just about the carnal pleasure (though good too!), but feeling close to someone, loving someone, feeling loved, that’s not validation, it’s very much a feel of mutual benefit. Sure some people use sex to fill a void if they need validation, sure, but that’s not what sex and passion is for everyone.

I think if you get to my age (50s) and your self worth is still tied up in your appearance, you've failed.

I personally loved the point at which I realised I could look into a young man's eyes and smile at him and he wouldn't take it to mean I wanted to fuck him. Wonderful.

But it still relies on someone else to provide their side of it. It makes it sound like if you were on your own, something would feel like it was missing

Honestly, I’m almost 50 and I love being invisible. I hated the days of creepy fucking men staring when I passed them by. The things they said, did, the ogling. Gross. Being able to walk free without any unwanted male attention is the most liberating feeling I have ever known.

No. I am in my sixties. I am not invisible to men, and still get hit on. However, that is probably because I am not “desperate” as you put it.

Honestly, your desperation will be off putting to anyone half decent, and will leave you vulnerable to abusers.

Can you afford some counselling to work on your self esteem?

When I was younger I used to yearn for the day I wouldn't get leered at in the street or be wolf whistled or have lewd comments shouted at me from random men on building sites.

Thankfully the day arrived, and it was such a huge relief. I felt that at long last I could go about my daily life without being treated like a sex object. Friends' husbands and partners still tried it on with me though, and I had to continue to fend the lecherous bastards off, but hooray, even that has stopped, thank God.

Well yes, honestly I would miss sex? Do you find friendship and familial relationships as being for “validation” only since they can’t exist on their own? Wanting human contact does not mean a person is seeking some kind of validation from insecurity; it’s human nature to enjoy socialisation. The fact I want friends, sex, conversation etc does not come from insecurity.

Also hugely smug

i never had men turn to look at me or had beauty that was “obvious” i dont think most women feel this way to start with so dont feel the loss as dramatically as you

for me the greatest release of middle age is you have your health mobility and marbles yet no longer have pressure to diet or do your hair etc for work so you look pretty, at work i am judged positively on my experience snd skills and don't give a flying fuck about my fuckability

I'm not desperate to be seen or noticed. Having been hassled from 11 to 46, I am enjoying being thoroughly invisible. 😊. Nothing tragic about it at all.

I can eat and drink in hotel restaurants rather than ordering room service. I can walk along a beach on my own and not check out where the next woman is. I get in a cab and don't automatically text its licence number to a friend.

Enjoy it OP.

Hooray for that.🙂

I have had the dubious gift of always being distinctly average looking and a bit of a fatty. I don't mind, I've fucked everyone I wanted to fuck, I've never been turned down and now I am older, Iook a bit better, dress nicely and to be honest because I know much more about the world and how it all works I think I've won the lottery. I've also raised a load of children who are beautiful souls in the world... I have absolutely no fucks to give about what some random bloke thinks about me. I too have an acquaintance who has always been the thin pretty one and always used it to her advantage, has been the other woman rather a lot (to be fair to her she'd steal my bloke in a heartbeat) and she is wracked with sorrow about getting older because she forgot how to trade in any other way than her looks. She's not a bad person, just a bit shallow and empty and needs constant validation. I feel for her really, mid fifties and totally unable to appreciate the gift we all have just by being here.

"Plenty of people seem interested in my opinion - more so as I've got older and I suppose it's recognised when you have experience that might be helpful"

Nobody was the slightest bit interested in my opinion until they stopped looking at my body and started realising that there was actually a brain inside it.

Are you actually coming back to the thread OP, or are we just wasting our sodding time?

I think if you have been considered good looking when young the change in attention from men can be rather noticeable.
And for some hard to adjust to.