Am I the only one?

[SpiritualLife]

I'm at that age. The age where people forget you exist. Men don't look at me when I pass by. No one lusts after me. I'm just another middle age woman. Desperate to be seen. Wanted. Desired.
Desperate for someone to see the beauty that used to be obvious. Desperate to have moments of passion.
Tragically invisible. Like a ghost but still living.

No, I don't feel like you describe or 'tragically invisible' 😂

Are you in a relationship? Or trying to date? I appreciate as we get older the wolf whistles may stop (hoping that’ll die out for all!) but no reason for you to not being experiencing passion within a relationship,
current or new.

What age would that be for reference? Not every Woman has had a life filled with Men/ Women lusting after them.

I think perhaps you need to work on this need for validation by others.

Your post is rather melodramatic, but I do recognise parts of it. It's a bit of a shock when people don't look twice at you any more. The only time it happens to me now is when I see myself in the mirror or photo of myself and do a double take in horror. I've aged really horribly and I honestly find it quite upsetting on a superficial level.

But that is just superficial, it's not actually me. The people that loved me before still love me - those connections with old friends are deeper now. I'm still funny (sometimes), sensible (most of the time), fun (given the chance).

Romantically, being single and looking for someone in mid-life is a horror show, but looking at some of my male counterparts who had once been handsome and are now decidedly not, I don't think they have it any better.

This stage of life is where who you are is so much more important that what you look like and isn't there something satisfying in that? The way I get over it when I have a wobble is to forget mirrors - both the physical ones and the metaphorical ones of other people's approval.

Bit dramatic.

but looking at some of my male counterparts who had once been handsome and are now decidedly not, I don't think they have it any better.

No, indeed we don't. I look up at the mirror when I am shaving in the morning, but my face is still pointing down at the sink 🤦‍♂️

That is quite weird. I did notice when men stopped noticing me. And I now always notice when they do notice me, if as DH puts it, I have scrubbed up well . But I never missed being lusted after and letched over by strangers or men trying to pick me up.

Your worth has very little to do with your looks. Build your self confidence in all areas. Fitness and strength, definitely, but your mind, your interests, your contributions to the world. Who gives a toss if men lust after you? If you have a full and interesting life you are more likely to meet a man who values you for who you are not how you look.

I'm at that age. The age where I know I exist. Thankfully men don't look at me when I pass by. I have the most incredible lust for life. I'm a woman in my prime who fully inhabits her own skin. I don't need to be seen to know I am 100% authentically me at last. I didn't know I wanted to feel so free but I am. All that time I wasted wanting to be desired - if only I'd realised then that the only true validation comes from within.

I am beautiful as I am. I am healthy, fit, this body has taken me through every stage of my life and I love it. My days are full of the things and people I am passionate about.

At last I fully see myself for what I am. Alive. Vital. Living life to the full.

If you’re in a good relationship - you can still be desired and have passion in your life. Whatever your age.

No, but I’ve never really attracted attention in that way from strangers and wouldn’t have wanted to, so nothing has changed just because I’m pushing 60.

i doubt you are the only one to feel that way.
I dont feel as you do though.

Bravo 👏 👏 👏

This is what happens when you make whether men fancy you or not your raison d’etre.

My advice is to do something useful and get your self-worth from that.

Yep just you. Cant relate at all

I had a friend like you who made her looks her everything. Always needed validation by men. Now shes mid 50's and has piled on the weight and actually has been known to tell people in the pub how stunning she used to be and thats shes not used to not getting attention all while of course still looking for validation of sorts that she is in fact still gorgeous. She has very low self esteem to the point I had to cut her out as she was putting ME down to try make herself feel better but even on social media posting selfies saying things like 'ok i get some botox and some lip filler but still not bad for my age' posts. It baffles me how anyone can make their entire existence about how much attention they can get from men.
I seem to be the opposite and have glowed up considerably since deciding I no longer need or want a relationship and staying single. I dont need nor care about male attention which is possibly the vibe I give off and I have been hit on more at 50 than at 20!

I don't look my age and people are always shocked to find I'm in my 40s, but I don't give a rats if I don't get lusted after, it's more important to see who interests me intellectually, and whether I want to know them better, rather than worry about whether I impress someone else physically.

I find that most people that are very beautiful to look at have nothing interesting to say.

I feel invisible to men now and to be honest, it's a relief. I used to feel harrrassed constantly. I hated the attention. I have realised as ive got older though, just how many doors being young and attractive did open. But I like just getting on with my life without men pestering me.

@groguismychild let me assure you that having something interesting to say (or not) is not dependent on looks. Some of the most aesthetically pleasing people I know are also very intelligent and full of personality, and some of the plainest are dull in conversation too. Most people are in between.
OP I understand what you are saying, and the same is true of men, but that’s nature isn’t it? A random person will look at what’s pleasing to the eye and we are hard wired to have youth as one of the factors. But a person who loves you would look beyond this.
I know I am guilty of not putting the effort into my appearance that I did when I was younger. A combination of not caring, opting for comfort etc. I scrub up well but I’m not bothered doing that if just going to Lidl! Whereas my 21 year old daughter and 22 year old son care far more about how they present themselves to the world.

No. Do you realise that some of us never had the beauty in the first place? The advantage of that of course is that it’s not a shock to the system when we age because we aren’t losing anything we relied on to feel valuable in our youth.

This is such a bitter statement. I can rattle off so many beautiful women with interesting things to say. Hannah Fry, Sophie Cunningham, Dolly Parton, Taylor Swift, Natalie Portman, JK Rowling that’s just my very quick and too celeb focussed recall.

God I have one of those in my group she asks random people to guess her age and is so upset when they say older, she’s spend her life being the pretty one and she is still attractive buts she is also 55 so of course she’s aged and isn’t 25 anymore but I’m not sure she got the memo.

OP I do understand a tiny bit but like many others I actually find it a relief to be able to go to the gym and train in peace as the poor young girls are getting all the unwanted stares, I enjoy relaxing with friends knowing I’m not being judged for my weight or outfit or makeup, I enjoy a Sunday afternoon wine in the pub with zero makeup and my scruffy gardening gear.. I enjoy loving a life without judgement and having to be something for anyone else. I am also loosing weight via tablets right now so I do care but that’s my health and wellbeing not chasing a dress size etc.

I think it's really depressing that the male gaze is so important to the OP's self worth.
Like @DontrockthecaravanGeoffrey , I live for myself and it's bloody great.

@rivalsbinge In my case I was out with her three times when she compared us as in 'I was the good looking one in uni' etc when to be fair I wasnt too fucking bad myself. It was a total put down and after the third time I just left her to it. She would leave me sitting like a tool on my own while she went to see who she could talk to and get admiration. Not a 'womans woman' in the least. I prefer to sit and chat to the person I am out with not seek validation from others. She got a slap in the face the final night I went out with her from a girl in her 20's as my friend was hitting on her 20 year old boyfriend chiding him saying 'ah I bet you would prefer a more experienced woman' etc etc. It was not till then I realised how utterly classless she is so it has nothing to do with putting on weight or looking older she just acts like a desperado. Its sad to see actually because she has some good qualities but I could not be around someone who not only sought validation from others but tried to minimise and humiliate me in the process. Mean girl energy if ever I felt it.

HRTFT but to me your OP makes you sound incredibly vain and shallow.