Help me write a Mumsnet Guide to Annoying Your Neighbours in a Heatwave

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I thought a one-stop shop guide might be useful! I'll start.

If you want to annoy your neighbours with maximum efficacy....

Prance in your garden in a bikini (note: simply wearing it will not do)

Be naked in your garden

Open all your windows, but not because of noise, because it's not the scientifically approved way to cool your house

Go on holiday thus meaning you cannot feed their cat when they are on holiday

Leave your tiny tiny thongs on a washing line

"Helpfully" take in their: laundry, bins, parcels

What have I missed?

Bbq next to their fence and as close to their house/washing/outdoor seating area as possible

Play music loudly (and wander inside leaving it on full blast). Rap music with lots of swear words highly advised if they have children under 11.

Plan a garden party but write to them to tell them they can’t have guests or let their kids play out that day as it would spoilt the ambience?

oh, and encourage children to stand on garden benches and peer over the fence? Ideally asking ‘what you doing?’ Or ‘can Billy(or whoever) come out to play?’ Repeat every 60mins

Hang out laundry to dry

I’m sorry, help me understand what’s going on here. Are you trying to write an amusing thread about the annoying things your neighbours are doing? Because a lot of that could be solved by just not snooping into their garden (or they yours - how can I annoy my neighbour by ‘prancing’ in a bikini or nude or by waving my thong around if I can’t force them to look at me?)

I don’t get the noise and windows thing, can you clarify?

And the taking things in - is it that you do that or that they do that and you don’t like it?

I think this might be a case where AI could have helped you be more clear. Or maybe I’m just being too literal here.

Calling for your cat at night.

The post is meant to be funny. These are all the crazy things people have posted about on MN this week.

@HedgeWitchOfTheWest lighthearted thread inspired by the millions of posts about CF neighbours and AIBU threads, I believe …

Oh, wait, is this ridiculous stuff people have complained about on Mumsnet?

I’m there. I get it. Please continue.

Have your parcels delivered to their house and then don't bother going to collect them.

(Hasn't happened to me, but seems a common complaint).

@HedgeWitchOfTheWest OP is just mentioning some of the ridiculous threads we’ve had over the last week

Thanks - that took me an alarming amount of time to understand. I blame the lack of sleep this week!

Yes good one.

Or even, just having a cat, at all? I believe the scientific term is wildlife-murdering furbastard.

You didn't mention any fetid sex ponds (hot tubs) in which to sit and talk loudly (maybe including the odd tinkly laugh?) late at night. Right next to the boundary line., as close to your neighbour's windows as possible.

Buy youself an electric guitar and an amplifier and practice your three chords on it for three hours after 9 pm in the garden.

(True story)

Totally understandable- often not quite clear on MN!

Inveigling their child's Y3 teacher to drop school related material through their letterbox.

(I mean, the letterbox, I ask you!)

One of our neighbours has been taking her hairy alsatian for walks as soon as it's dawn- which for us is around 3.30. She does call for him. I don't mind as I am usually getting up around 4 am so I can go and sort out my own various animals and to do some housework before it gets mad. But I can see it's quite annoying, objectively!

See, I agree but suspect it might be the amateur version.

I raise you, having a filthy torrid sex conversation on your phone, 36 inches away from their toddler on the other side of the fence.

Actually use your garden and exist

Also, going for a run without carrying water. Or wearing skimpy kit.

Start digging the foundations for your massive extension. Yes you’ve had planning permission since February and could have done it by now, but you’d rather wait until people want to have their windows open and be outside enjoying their own spaces.

Put a massive trampoline down the end of your garden (don’t want it near the house of course) so that it’s closer to your neighbours. Ensure your children scream at every bounce at multiple points from 8am until 11pm.

Actually these are not heat related; they’re just bloody annoying!

Oh dear

Re the rap music suggestion above - it’s my own18/21 yos playing that crap. Am waiting for one of my neighbours to start a thread about it any day. Ironically I would be in their side…

See, I have actually had those neighbours.

Would you like to know the opening chords to Seven Nation Army?

No?

TOO BAD 😵‍💫

Put a bird feeder in the garden.

Hanging skimpy knickers on the line to tempt your neighbours husband who will promptly engage in a torrid affair with you.