Help me write a Mumsnet Guide to Annoying Your Neighbours in a Heatwave

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I thought a one-stop shop guide might be useful! I'll start.

If you want to annoy your neighbours with maximum efficacy....

Prance in your garden in a bikini (note: simply wearing it will not do)

Be naked in your garden

Open all your windows, but not because of noise, because it's not the scientifically approved way to cool your house

Go on holiday thus meaning you cannot feed their cat when they are on holiday

Leave your tiny tiny thongs on a washing line

"Helpfully" take in their: laundry, bins, parcels

What have I missed?

Fly your Typhoon display team at tremendous speed not just over and around the airfield at which the air display is taking place, but over a much wider area, so that all the neighbouring villages can appreciate the spectacle as well.

Do bear in mind though, that we can't actually catch sight of you because by the time we hear you coming, you've already been and gone.

Oh, and next time, can you arrange it so that we're not eating dinner, and family members don't have to keep leaping up out of their chairs and running desperately between front and back doors on opposite sides of the house in the vain hope of catching a glimpse.

<bit niche this one> 😂

I'm so sorry I think you have mistyped: children need to be pestering every 60 SECONDS, not minutes.

Make a completely excessive amount of noise inside your property (think repetitive VERY loud miscellaneous banging noises, slamming doors shut etc), whilst living in an apartment building.when probably many other people in said building probably haven't slept at all well because of the heat and desperately want to have a daytime nap to tide them over, but cannot due to being constantly on edge from said noises (I honestly was quite close to crying at one point from sheer exhaustion 😭).

Paint your house blue so your neighbours have to see it whenever they’re in their gardens.

🤣🤣🤣

😆 seen that thread

Demand that you access the shaded area behind their garage to measure the temperature as part of evidence gathering that 'they' are minimising the real temperature because they're denying the existence of climate change.

OR alternatively, doorstep your neighbour to announce you do not like something they have done with their house* and please could they "compromise" by redoing in the style of your house?

*max points for doing this with something utterly mundane that is a total matter of taste, like "having hanging baskets" or "fancy brickwork drive"

** double max points if you then huff at THEM for being rude when they decline your "compromise"

Are you near Farnborough? The Farnborough Airshow is soon and although they don't have the same sort of displays they used to have, a fairly large surrounding area gets to see some interesting planes. And as it's in July, it could be hot again.

Have a child stand on a box all day staring at them and undermining their parenting.

Just go with it.most of the suggestions are what previous threads have been about.

Wouldn’t it be better to suggest a rota so you can all use your own private gardens at set times? You and your DCs can kick the day off by screaming outside at 6am and your neighbours could have from tea time until late.

If anyone would like to rent a child like this, I can offer DD2 at a very reasonable price. She specialises in public service announcements delivered at max volume like

"MUMMY! That man looks just like Mr X from school except he's brushed his hair and has clean clothes on. Oh... it IS Mr X."

Or peering at dad in swim lesson, "that man's got tattoos." Thoughtful pause. "It's mostly villains that have tattoos, isn't it?"

Or at the butcher's, "they've got a dead duck. It's only a baby one. I expect THAT MAN killed it. Can you see, it's dead? Its legs are sticking up" <continues for actual aeons until I remove her from queue>

Also folks, if you're not lucky enough to have the Red Arrows on tap, you can achieve much the same effect by purchasing likely-illegal Chinese made drones and bribing some bored Y7 boys with Haribo and energy drinks.

🤣🤣

Chatting to your friend in the garden all night. Finally going inside after having an argument with next door neighbor for complaining about the noise at 6.45am Sunday morning. It had finally cooled down a bit to be comfortable to sleep, but everyone still had their windows open so was woken several times.

Tell your neighbour who's a serious conspiracy theorist when they ask why you're outside so much when it's warm that you're living your best lizard life.

My dad went to an airshow there once, years ago.

I did too. My DH was in the Royal Observer Corps, and they arranged a group coach trip.

When the cat needs a poo, tell it to go over the fence into the neighbours garden to do a massive shit.

I had one of those when he was little.
If I saw a person of colour or a larger person heading towards us, I would have to turn and take him in the opposite direction.

Go one better and demand to use your neighbours garden even though they have already told you no

People slamming car doors really loudly multiple times, then 2 people emerge, what are they doing?! Then people shouting in the early hours as exiting a taxi and proceeding to have a loud I want the whole town to hear me outdoor conversation, before finally entering their house, these would do it in a heatwave.

Or climb up on a ladder if it's a high fence just as neighbour sunbathing in complete silence. Peer over, and exclaim I need my kids ball again, do you want to throw it over or shall I come through your front, repeat.

This isn't an MN story but when I was a child, 1950s, there used to be a rag and bone man who came round collecting with his horse and cart. Dad would always look if the horse had relieved itself in the road, he would be out there with a bucket to collect it, he then spread it on his roses, which were always beautiful. Unfortunately, once he did this and the day after there were a few very hot days, suffice it to say few windows could be opened near out house!