Help me write a Mumsnet Guide to Annoying Your Neighbours in a Heatwave

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I thought a one-stop shop guide might be useful! I'll start.

If you want to annoy your neighbours with maximum efficacy....

Prance in your garden in a bikini (note: simply wearing it will not do)

Be naked in your garden

Open all your windows, but not because of noise, because it's not the scientifically approved way to cool your house

Go on holiday thus meaning you cannot feed their cat when they are on holiday

Leave your tiny tiny thongs on a washing line

"Helpfully" take in their: laundry, bins, parcels

What have I missed?

@HedgeWitchOfTheWest oh dear. And why suggest AI fgs. Using one’s own intellect is always a better option.

Find something that needs fixing. Get your hammer. Bash it with your hammer from 6am to 7am. It’s helpful if the noise echoes playfully around the estate. When everyone is awake, stop hammering. Go indoors, your work for today is done.

Too late to edit the above

This is what I have done which has made my neighbour so annoyed she's written a note telling me that she will be informing my LL as it's a breach of my tenancy......good luck with that madam as the LL paid for it.

We've got a neighbour opposite who started playing the saxophone during covid and hasn't stopped since. Listening to the national anthem and Christmas carols in June is quite the treat. We don't mind too much because we get on well with him. It was painful when he first started practising though.😁

This random 'plop' really made me laugh! 🤣🤣

Have we had letting your dog out without paw protectors to prevent scorching surfaces from burning his wee footsies?

Sit in your garden with visible sunburn, thus demonstrating a lack of consideration for the NHS.

Hang windchimes!

😆

Thanks Op @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff .....this made me laugh

Grow ivy.

That thread won my personal prize for most unhinged thing to be offended by

Have friends for a bbq who drive round. Finish by 9, but there is a suspicion the guests drank and drove.

Brilliant.
And have we had - ask your neighbour to move because their dog is barking at you from the other side of the fence. Particularly liked that one. 🙄
Hands up have not RTFT 😂

Make sure to get in a massive supply of cannabis, the skunkier the better. And chain smoke it outdoors, as close as possible to the neighbours' open windows, outdoor areas where they sit or their children play, and any laundry on the line. You may need to set up a roster to make sure there's always someone available to produce more scent as needed. (And do be prepared to SMOKE; namby-pamby vaping and edibles won't cut it.)

Allowing your children out into the garden except during the hours of 12.58pm - 1.00pm.

Have the audacity to exist within the vicinity of other people.

Have about 20 high intensity security lights installed on all of your walls so that your ndn, who you already know to be a very keen amateur astrologer who moved to this village for the very dark skies and has just spent a lot of money on equipment, can't see a bloody thing. Not only can he not now see the stars, the bedrooms and bathroom in his bungalow are lit up 24/7 like a football pitch.
Bonus points for a barky dog.
Yes, this is completely true.

Allowing your children to have any fun whatsoever in their own garden
Mumsnet dictates that children must be seen and not heard God forbid they let out the odd joyous shriek whilst playing on the Trampoline or in a paddling pool

My neighbours do all what these people are saying, but ones I will add rhey do I haven’t seen here
smoke weed / vape on boundary line by neighbours house and invite all your scrote friends to do the same
purchase large outdoor screen and also put next to neighbours fence and watch dross as your 6 TVs indoors simply won’t do …

Do DIY on Sunday and shout after using a leaf blower on a Saturday according to the new thread started at 14:41 today.

Start jet washing at 6am and continue until midnight

Put a caravan on your drive so it hangs off onto the road, blocking your next door neighbours drive (cul de sac)

Keep your bins in the middle of the cul de sac road so nobody can turn around

Keep your massive flatbed in the cul de sac that constantly leaks oil, so it’s gets over everyone’s shoes

Shout and scream until 2am even though next door has severely disabled children and you just don’t care.

Have your own back garden dog breeding business from your home, at least now we don’t have to worry about all the XLs that were kept in the back.

Hook your caravan up to the street lighting for free electric.

Steal a big chunk of the neighbours garden because they’re vulnerable and cannot afford to take you to court.

All this is the same neighbour and more things happen regularly. I want to move.

Having air-conditioning.

Sit near the fence and annoy their dog.

I loved it so much. Lots of competition, but I think my favourite response was "wait till someone tells you about postmen!"