Help me write a Mumsnet Guide to Annoying Your Neighbours in a Heatwave

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I thought a one-stop shop guide might be useful! I'll start.

If you want to annoy your neighbours with maximum efficacy....

Prance in your garden in a bikini (note: simply wearing it will not do)

Be naked in your garden

Open all your windows, but not because of noise, because it's not the scientifically approved way to cool your house

Go on holiday thus meaning you cannot feed their cat when they are on holiday

Leave your tiny tiny thongs on a washing line

"Helpfully" take in their: laundry, bins, parcels

What have I missed?

Burn rubbish in your garden. Make sure it’s really really smelly & burns for hours. Neighbourhoods enjoy waking up with their house stinking like acrid smoke first thing in the morning.

Great thread. My own son is doing my head in with his basketball practice on the patio. I'd rather see Big Barry next door in his undercrackers than hear the constant thud of that ball.

We had the drumkit in the shed next door.

Actual LOL at Big Barry.

Also: own your own rooster and encourage it to crow at erratic times!

I hear one regularly on my morning run* and always think God, bet their neighbours love them.

*so as not to let the side down, I wore a tight outfit, didn't carry water, and didn't notify St John's Ambulance before I set out

Buy a huge barking dog and let it out every time your neighbours use the garden.
train it to attack the fence if they go near and when they complain, tell the neighbour to move.
Have a whole class water fight party in your garden.
To maximise DCs enjoyment start it at 8am and have prizes for the loudest screamers.

Stand as close as you can to their nearest open window and smoke lots of weed.

Smoke weed, whilst BBQ in your tiny thong bikini

If you have children, train them to go out and play loudly in the garden from 5.30am and make sure they are still out there until midnight. Preferably in a paddling pool or on a trampoline.

You could also get one of them to continuously lean over your fence and stare into the next door neighbour’s garden whilst not saying anything.

Get a large wind chimer.

Build a massive play fort at the end of your garden so the kids can see over the fence to annoy your back neighbours without interrupting your quiet enjoyment of your patio.
(Not a thread from the current heatwave but I think last year)

Grow ivy up a boundary fence that was paid for by your neighbour.

Vape in your garden. Even though you’re in the open air and some metres away from your neighbours, the clouds of noxious gas will be enough to overcome your neighbour’s children and render them unconscious.

Wake your children up at 6am to go and scream solidly in the garden for 17 hours straight. Age irrelevant, even the teenagers and adult DC must participate

Let the kids out to shriek and squeal at silly o’clock in the morning
Use power tools while everyone’s asleep
Have kids that can’t aim their ball anywhere other than over your fence
Don’t maintain your trees/plants, hence blocking the sun from neighbours garden

Have a barky dog that reacts to neighbours sitting in their garden, then ask the neighbours to go inside to stop setting your dog off.

Buy artificial grass.

Put cones on the road to stop people parking in front of your driveway, even though you don’t have a dropped kerb (so it’s just a “patio with aspirations”).
Sit out in your front garden and comment on people walking down the street.
Short cut across a bit of your neighbour’s drive or path to get to your door.

Big Bad Barry from Ben & Holly?

He definitely annoyed his neighbours.

After many years as a small farm, now having summer weekends of gut- thumping bass from fields and barns and stand still traffic locally as we hold yet another pop/reggae/psychadelic nature lovers festival just outside a quiet village.

Chain smoke stinky roll-up cigarettes at all hours of the day. Bonus points for smoking the occasional spliff with rotten smelling hash.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

thank you for making me laugh!

You people are all geniuses!

My neighbour is actually incredibly subtle at this.

She invited my 8yo twins over to play with her child - fed them approx eleventy zillion cups of squash and ice cream - then said cheerfully, "I just need to pop out, can they all three come and play in your paddling pool? Emily can bring her water pistols over"

HOURS OF TORMENT FUN

Leave your dog at home or even in the garden and let it bark non stop.

a “patio with aspirations” @InMySpareTime

😂

Have friends over for a BBQ.

Sit in your garden and talk at the same time as your neighbour js sitting their garden.

Train your cat to menace your neighbours’ cats.

Erect a 6ft high fence which not only deprives your neighbour of seeing your garden, but also their grandkids from using it.