Help me write a Mumsnet Guide to Annoying Your Neighbours in a Heatwave

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

I thought a one-stop shop guide might be useful! I'll start.

If you want to annoy your neighbours with maximum efficacy....

Prance in your garden in a bikini (note: simply wearing it will not do)

Be naked in your garden

Open all your windows, but not because of noise, because it's not the scientifically approved way to cool your house

Go on holiday thus meaning you cannot feed their cat when they are on holiday

Leave your tiny tiny thongs on a washing line

"Helpfully" take in their: laundry, bins, parcels

What have I missed?

Always a winner with the quasi-sensitive among us!

Oh god yes, this one.

Make sure that the two of you take twenty minutes to park your incredibly noisy car badly at 1am, while everyone else is trying to sleep in a heatwave with their windows open.

Exit the car talking very loudly to each other about who has the house keys. Laugh hysterically at the wit of this. Open and slam closed at least twice every car door, the boot of your car, and the front door of your house.

Ensure that this is outside my house and not your own. In fact the closer to mine the better. Don’t forget to throw your fag end in my hydrangea.

Yes, but i happen to love my shitty little bastards, as they are affectionately known in my house. Indoor rescue cats, pedigree, never again. Wildlife murdering you say - i have long suspected that female little shitty little bastard could indeed be the best mouse killer in the county if given a chance. She is food starved, or rather was, so yes a helpful social service. I wouldnt charge a lot for her services. Now big shitty little bastard is not very bright. Gorgeous, but not bright. So sorry I am not sure what he can contribute, apart from fur and hairball.

Always a genuine and good consideration.

Just as its late enough for most people to be in bed with their windows open, drag your wheelie bin from the front to the back of the house down the shared drive. Or just people have got their dcs to sleep.

Not my, but a friend's child..."Ooh, Mummy, look at that great big fatty-belly man!!!" Even worse, this was the actual proprietor of a frequently-used shop, so friend had to see him again on numerous occasions.......

Having friends round. Then sitting talking, and worst of all laughing with them. In their own garden. Some people are just so damn inconsiderate 😒