Friend mocked my eating on holiday and I feel really hurt

[BlueOtter9]

Recently went on a holiday with a friend. Or so I thought. I have an active ED. Begins with a b to be specific. I hate typing it out as I have a very negative cycle attached to it. She didn’t know I have an ED as I used to also be a fitness coach and still do this so i am
really regimented, but here is the story.

We went for ice cream. I had a large ice cream. Essentially the size of a regular pot of Ben and jerrys. So we later went for a wine tasting with random strangers. She’d had a bit to drink but me not so much as it’s a trigger.

there was snacks on offer at the wine tasting such as cake and chocolate. The man next to me stuck his fork in. Licked it and took another bite. He then offered me and I jokingly said. No it’s too many calories no extras needed.

The supposed friend of mine then pipes up and said “it’s fine she wasn’t thinking of the calories earlier with the ice cream. Wait let me show you a picture”

Me being me said “that’s not going to be necessary don’t do that” she proceeds to say “no it is wait look at this ice cream lol!” I said “erm ok. I’m a runner I’ll run when I’m home.” To which she said “not been running here though”

So I sat quietly and said nothing. I phoned my mum to rant as she’s the only one who knows of my ed but it’s really upset me. More so I considered her a friend and I feel she wanted to make me the butt of a joke on purpose?

She sounds horrible! But honestly next time just say no thanks and don't even mention calories, there was no need for you to do that.

This is your ED talking. She doesn't know about your issues, and it was just light-hearted teasing.
I'm sorry that it triggered you. That's understandable. But given that she doesn't know about your issues, she did nothing wrong.

Erm yes she did! She was fucking rude and mean to OP regardless of whether she knew about the ED or not!

Have you posted about this before? Anyway she sounds like an idiot

Was she not just amused by the big ice cream? As she doesn’t know about your ed I’d chalk it up to an unthinking joke, esp given the booze. I get why it’s upset you and it’s good to have let off steam to your mum but unless you know this friend to be malicious I’d not fixate on it. Sounds like you’re back from hols now so no reason to revisit it unless you’re spiralling and need help with the ed which is a bigger issue.

She doesn't know you have an ED or that food is a touchy subject for you, so she just thought it was funny that you'd had a comically big ice cream.
I would try not to take it to heart.

I would not find it rude or mean if one of my friends teased me about eating a massive ice cream, especially if I'd just turned down cake due to calories. Especially after a few drinks.

Your friend was being deliberately cruel. She knew what she was doing, and she tried to include a third party in shaming you. It's unforgivable behaviour, irrespective of your ED.
Friends are supposed to make your life nicer.

I wouldn’t be offended by that.

Oh come on. I'm not a teaser and I'm quick to recognise when it's no longer funny. But the friend was not deliberately cruel. She was just laughing about the comically sized ice cream and OP refusing something because of calories. That's just normal light hearted stuff and not remotely cruel.

Honestly, as someone who also has an eating disorder it’s a massive trigger for me when anyone starts talking about calories, diet, weight etc.

we have someone in our office who often will refuse cake or biscuit, but always has to add “no I’m being good” or reference calories and weight.

next time just say no. It’s fine to say no, without having to justify yourself.

she may well have been enjoying heels wine and snacks, and then you have to bring calories into it and she may then have felt guilty or stopped enjoying just eating and drinking. You don’t know if she has an ED. Let’s face it, most of us do.

we need to just stop with the calories and weight.

I actually agree with this post.

I don't think there was any malice behind it - more like blimey how big was that ice cream lol.

X

she proceeds to say “no it is wait look at this ice cream lol!”

And the obvious reply was "and it's because of that ice cream that I don't want any more calories today! 😄"

Seriously, this was normal, tame, joking. You made it worse by being defensive.

Yes there was the same post a bit ago

It’s the height of rudeness, in my opinion, to comment on another person’s eating. I’m not the best eater and hate it if someone says something. I just would never do that to another person.

I’m not surprised you’re upset, OP. I’m so sorry.

She wasn't commenting on her eating. She was commenting on the size of the ice cream.
The situation with the cake was humorous from the beginning, in that the guy had licked it and then offered it to OP. And OP 's response about the calories a light hearted riposte to the offering of a joke piece of cake. So her friend's comment just continued the joviality.

She didn't just come out with a comment about OP being greedy, or a comment out of nowhere. It was just an amusing interaction.

Even without ED this was incredibly rude.

I’m more shocked by chocolate and cake being paired with wine, but your ‘friend’ sounds dreadful.

Yes, this story was already posted a few weeks ago, with some slight differences, but the same running comment.

It sounds like you had a crazy huge ice cream so it would be pretty normal for someone to joke about it. You’re reading way too much into this.
It sounds like a standard kind of joke to me.

I genuinely wouldn't be offended over this. The joke was on the size of the ice cream. I'm sure nothing was meant personally. My mum does this sort of thing to me, and she is the most wonderful caring mother I have no doubt about that. I'm so sorry for what you've been through with your ED. It's hard for most of us to understand when we haven't been through it. If your friend doesn't know, I'm sure she would be horrified right now. I hope you continue to stay well, keep talking to your mum and here if you need / want to x

If she knew you had an ED then it’s awful and insensitive.

But she doesn’t know does she? To her having a big ice cream is something to laugh about. You can’t place meaning and emotion into something she is completely unaware of. Your ED is speaking to you here, you are being unreasonable and unfair. To someone without eating disorders it’s common to make jokes around food.

I have recovered from an ED so I know how it feels, but it’s not personal and you need help to reframe some of your thoughts. I hope you have the support you need, recovery is hard being living in active ED is harder.

She did drag it on a bit even not knowing you had an ED, but tbh, I find it annoying as hell when I'm at a social event and someone starts talking about calories in the food. It's a bit inappropriate really, you might trigger other people as well - what if the guy eating it had an ED history for example, he might've gone home and chucked up the cake after you said it's got too many calories. Was she eating the cake or maybe she wanted to eat the cake, and your comment made her feel bad about it so she's lashed out a bit?