Friend mocked my eating on holiday and I feel really hurt

[BlueOtter9]

Recently went on a holiday with a friend. Or so I thought. I have an active ED. Begins with a b to be specific. I hate typing it out as I have a very negative cycle attached to it. She didn’t know I have an ED as I used to also be a fitness coach and still do this so i am
really regimented, but here is the story.

We went for ice cream. I had a large ice cream. Essentially the size of a regular pot of Ben and jerrys. So we later went for a wine tasting with random strangers. She’d had a bit to drink but me not so much as it’s a trigger.

there was snacks on offer at the wine tasting such as cake and chocolate. The man next to me stuck his fork in. Licked it and took another bite. He then offered me and I jokingly said. No it’s too many calories no extras needed.

The supposed friend of mine then pipes up and said “it’s fine she wasn’t thinking of the calories earlier with the ice cream. Wait let me show you a picture”

Me being me said “that’s not going to be necessary don’t do that” she proceeds to say “no it is wait look at this ice cream lol!” I said “erm ok. I’m a runner I’ll run when I’m home.” To which she said “not been running here though”

So I sat quietly and said nothing. I phoned my mum to rant as she’s the only one who knows of my ed but it’s really upset me. More so I considered her a friend and I feel she wanted to make me the butt of a joke on purpose?

Yes, I have seen almost this exact thread before. Down to the ‘too many calories’ and pulling out photos and showing them to strangers.

It feels almost fetishistic, like OP has a food humiliation kink.

This. I imagine I too might find it funny if someone had such a large ice cream. Especially if they later declined a mouthful of cake on the grounds of calories.

I don't think you were being over-sensitive @BlueOtter9 Anyone who comments on how much someone is eating, what they are eating, and how they are eating it is a king sized arsehole. It's so rude and personal. MANY people have issues around food, and some feel quite awkward eating in public/in front of others (apart from their immediate loved ones,) and someone making stupid shitty comments about how they're eating and what they're eating is a twat.

I used to work with a group of women (7 altogether aged late 20s to mid 40s) and we went out for a meal (as a group) maybe every 2-3 months, and this one - Barbara - used to say to me EVERY TIME (only me, no-one else!) 'oh my God Ved, you're practically hoovering that food up! Anyone would think you hadn't been fed for a month!' And 'Jeeeezus, look at the size of that pie, that would feed my 2 brothers and 2 sisters, AND me. You're not gonna eat ALL of that are you?'

I would be like and I was a bit annoyed that no-one else called her out, and I did say a couple of times 'are we really doing this? Are we talking about what I'm eating and how I eat it, AGAIN?' She went into a huff both times, and said 'Jeeezus, you can't say anything to some people. Little fragile, delicate snowflake. Anyone would think I was trying to steal your firstborn!' Then she just turned her back and stopped talking to me.

The atmosphere was awkward at work for a few days (thankfully she didn't work in the same office as me, but it was still awkward when she passed through and stayed to 'chat' to a couple of the women I worked with.) It blew over a bit and things seemed back to normal-ish the next week. When they went to arrange another meal out for the 7 of us, (after the second time I had had a bit of a go at her,) I told them I wasn't going. Not now, not ever again... (And why! Because of Barbara and her commenting.) A couple of the women said I was being 'silly' but the others got it.

tl;dr, they went out 2 more times (without me) and then it stopped. She probably started on someone else. She was a bully at work too.

.

A lot of people get really irritated when calories and weight are mentioned. She may have been fed up with it and finally snapped. If you have an ED there is a chance you talk about it more than you realise.

I think this sounds like jealousy - had a similar situation - not about food but something else and friend did not only tell a complete stranger - friend told everyone I knew when we came home - she glorified in my failure over something I had that she wanted. I felt my privacy was breached, she wants to go on holidays with us again - but that's not going to happen.

She never said too much for her, from the post “No it’s too many calories”- a comment made about something another person was eating.

I certainly wouldn’t feel happy sharing cutlery with Random Bloke! And I’d probably make a (hopefully lighthearted) remark about that to get out of the situation.

She was rude, but I wouldn't have mentioned calories - I'd justhabbe laughed about no room after eating my body weight in ice cream

One of life’s lessons is to never comment on anyone’s food, whether it’s what they’re eating or their portion size. You never know when it can blow up in your face.

I'm surprised how many people think this was rude. It just sounds like a friend joking around. You said yourself that the ice cream was the size of a whole pot of B&J's. Unless there was a particular reason to think she was trying to hurt you (unlikely as she doesn't know you have an ED) then I think you are being overly sensitive.

I wonder though if it depends on what you mean by 'friend'. If one of my close, long-term friends (the ones I'm most likely to be on holiday with) was joking around with me, I'd laugh and take it lightly. An aquaintance or colleague 'friend' maybe not so much.

I think this is very true, no one appreciates a commentary on what they decide to eat.

My guess would be that the friend had been eating the snacks and took OP’s reference to calories as implied criticism of her, so retaliated in kind.

Beat option- don’t discuss diets and calories. It is at best boring, at worst upsetting. You don’t need to justify what you eat or don’t eat.

Of course it’s not the answer to everything. I don’t think I suggested it was. Just in the specific scenario, it sounds like it could easily be the cause. In studies it has been found to very often underpin lots of women’s behaviour (that they themselves admit).

See. My other friend said this too. I coach others and have had great results. But there is an enemy in my own mind too. I never wanted to affiliate anything with jealousy but it got to a point where I couldn’t understand why the berating continued and after I explained I had an ed before. She said “oh right okay”

I told her and her response was oh okay. I didn’t know. I ended up over apologising as the lack of response made me feel bad.

So no response to this being an almost exact rip off of another recent thread then 🤔

I'm not saying that OP was; but have you never met a passive aggressive person? MN alone is full of them!

I’m sure I’ve read this exact thread on here recently.

Anyway, if you ate an ice cream the size of a tub of Ben and Jerry‘s, I don’t think it’s unreasonable that people would have a laugh about it. She didn’t know about your eating disorder, so I would just brush it off.

Yep

Very suspicious isn't it