Friend mocked my eating on holiday and I feel really hurt

[BlueOtter9]

Recently went on a holiday with a friend. Or so I thought. I have an active ED. Begins with a b to be specific. I hate typing it out as I have a very negative cycle attached to it. She didn’t know I have an ED as I used to also be a fitness coach and still do this so i am
really regimented, but here is the story.

We went for ice cream. I had a large ice cream. Essentially the size of a regular pot of Ben and jerrys. So we later went for a wine tasting with random strangers. She’d had a bit to drink but me not so much as it’s a trigger.

there was snacks on offer at the wine tasting such as cake and chocolate. The man next to me stuck his fork in. Licked it and took another bite. He then offered me and I jokingly said. No it’s too many calories no extras needed.

The supposed friend of mine then pipes up and said “it’s fine she wasn’t thinking of the calories earlier with the ice cream. Wait let me show you a picture”

Me being me said “that’s not going to be necessary don’t do that” she proceeds to say “no it is wait look at this ice cream lol!” I said “erm ok. I’m a runner I’ll run when I’m home.” To which she said “not been running here though”

So I sat quietly and said nothing. I phoned my mum to rant as she’s the only one who knows of my ed but it’s really upset me. More so I considered her a friend and I feel she wanted to make me the butt of a joke on purpose?

It is rude to comment on people's eating habits. She was crass and insensitive, and to rub it in, she carried on with the comments about running as well.

I'd reconsider the friendship if I were you.

For me this all hinges on whether she knew you had an ED or not. If she didn't, then it's probably just light-hearted teasing among friends. Friends do take the piss and that's ok. If she did know, that's a very very different situation, and you need to reconsider is she is really a friend

Extremely rude of her.

Firstly, well done for working at your ED.

Your friend's clearly a DH when she's had a drink. Lesson learnt to avoid alcohol with her.

I'd confront her when she's sober if I was you. Tell her she upset you with her behaviour, she tried to make you look bad and that's not what friends do.

I hope she apologies and you can crack on.

She’s jealous - you probably have a great body from fitness coaching and a man offering you to eat cake from his fork sounds flirty. She wanted to bring you down a peg in front of him. She’s not your friend as you already know, and I’m so sorry this is how you found out. Hopefully you can get some support with your ED, as that sounds difficult anyway without frenemies like her.

I'd have said no thanks, that fork has been in your mouth. Double dipping etc is disgusting. Ugh.

It was a bit mean, but TBF she'd had a few to drink so unless she has form for nasty comments I wouldn't over think it. Maybe she felt you were getting at her with the comments about calories yourself, and the drink made her say more than she normally would have?

'She's just jealous' is such a playground thing. Are you nine years old?

It was just a joke about a huge ice cream, FFS.

Had she known about your ED, that would have been cruel but since she didn't, that's absolutely normal banter with friends.

It’s weird that she went on about it a bit and insisted on showing this stranger a photo. Like she is trying to embarrass you. Alcohol probably partly to blame there.

I don’t have an eating disorder but I do think it’s rude to comment on someone’s portion sizes. Everyone is different. My MIL will say things like ‘gosh you’re not going to eat all of that are you?!’ And I feel like saying ‘well I’m not now!’

I wouldn’t be upset by this in the slightest, but this may be because I’ve always been slim so I think nobody would think anything critical of me for eating a large icecream. Your friend was just teasing you, and the fact that she felt you were comfortable with food to eat a large icecream possibly made her think that you wouldn’t mind if she teased you about it. Plus she had been drinking, most people have no boundaries when drunk

This!

OP, your friend would probably be horrified to discover how she has upset you.

are you still on holiday, I would probably open up to her. Tell her how it made you feel, tell her about the ED

I would put money on her being a massive support to you going forward. Hiding the ED won’t help your recovery & ongoing fight to beat it

I read this post with only a few details changed a day or so ago. Yawn!

Yes this.
I would be laughing along if a friend did this.
If you want your friends to be sensitive, you need to tell them about the ED. Not their fault otherwise. And you're a fitness coach! She probably felt safe, in the assumption that you have a healthy lifestyle.

Sure I've read this before 🤔🤔🤔

What a coincidence. A couple of weeks ago there was someone who went on holiday with a friend who photographed her plate of food and later showed it to people and said it was massive.
Funny the things people get up to these days.

Maybe the question should be: Why did you just sit quietly and say nothing? And apparently say nothing afterwards, either?

Me neither. And OP you opened the door by bringing calories into it. A “no thanks” would have been fine.

Agree.

Also, you should have been blunt about not wanting food with the man's saliva poked into it via his fork. "Normally I would - haha, you should have seen the massive ice cream i polished off earlier - but I prefer my petits fours without other people's flora and fauna, thank you."

I agree though she was a bit rude. Sometimes people have no filter and are tactless. but I'm sure she wasn't intending to 'get at' you

Phoning your mother to have a rant was rather OTT. You are dwelling on a lighthearted, albeit stupid, exchange.

Please do not say, "...there was snacks...".

This exact same thread was posted a few weeks ago

"She didn’t know I have an ED"

YABU. People are allowed to talk about food.

Sounds like a joke to me, she didn’t know.

She doesn’t know about the ed and you did eat a huge ice cream, I would not have mentioned calories in your circumstances, better would be “that ice cream was huge, I can’t eat any more yet”. Sounds like tipsy banter, no more than that