I am so annoyed with work right now. If you're feeling mean, don't bother...I'm not after being pulled apart.

[lucysmam]

For context: I have stage 4 breast cancer & may not see either of my girls graduate/marry/whatever other big life events. Work are very aware of this & I did have a conversation with Headteacher a couple of weeks ago re. asking for an early finish to spend time with dd1 - answer was no then also.

I requested dd2's prom day off. Answer is no - speak to headteacher if I want to know why. Meanwhile; one colleague currently at international themepark on 2 week jolly that's been approved, another allowed sports day off.

Neither actually in the process of dying & being kept alive by various medications.

I'm feeling massively hard done by & annoyed that a holiday's allowed, but being with my child to prep for a special event isn't when they know my prognosis as well as I do.

I’ve just read your posts and I’m appalled at the headteacher’s attitude. It seems pretty discriminatory to me. Is it worth pursuing that angle via the TU and their legal support?

Going off sick sounds very reasonable to me! Get the union to ask after sickness policy although it does sound pretty generous to me. I hope you are feeling as well as you can in the circumstances. Enjoy the prom prep with your family.

Yet another fuckwit in a management posotion that she has no business being in!

You have enough to be dealing without her behaviour.

I've read a few threads on here that have made me think 'wow, the employers done what!", but honestly this knocks all of those for 6. I really cant believe what the HT has said AND to have put it in writing 🙈. Gobsmacked.

Wow! How stupid of that person, I’d push all the way with your union.

It really frustrates me how differently people can be treated depending on where they work, what benefits they have, and who their manager is. Where I work (outside of UK), we’re fortunate to have fairly generous benefits, including up to six months off for medical reasons. But the way people use (or don’t use) those benefits can feel so unfair.

For example, we hired a woman last May who had significant performance issues. Just a few days after her performance review, she went on stress leave and was away for four months. Meanwhile, a colleague of mine was going through cancer treatment, something none of us even knew about, because she never took more than the occasional day or two off around her chemo sessions.

@lucysmam, id be letting my friends and colleagues at work know rhe HT called your life saving treatments "inconvenient for them", im sure they will be utterly horrified.

I hope your dds prom and all the build up is wonderful for you all .

I need help to phrase an email please -

I'm planning to go back in for the last two weeks & haven't suggested otherwise.

However, HT has just emailed that admin tried contacting me several times. Twice. She tried twice, and it felt very much like digging for info since she'll have been the one actually saying no.

I do think, from the tone of HT's response to my extended sick note, that they thought I'd drop it after prom but actually who the fuck tells (me) someone with incurable cancer they have too much time for medication appointments!?

I do not want to be railroaded into meetings with no union rep. & don't really want to give more info than, "yes, I'll be in".

Does the email warrant a reply?

If not, file under ignore and bowl in tomorrow bright and breezy. Fuck her.

Do you have a rep in school or a caseworker?

Sick leave then ill health retirement. Cancer is a disability so I think some reasonable adjustments need to be made. I’m a manager of someone with cancer and I’ve fought hard to keep her pay and AL.

How about the following, which is shortand to the point.

"Thank you for your recent email. I note that you mention that Admin have tried to contact me on several occasions, for accuracy and your records they have contacted me, according to my records on X and Y date. For your records, I have been advised not to engage with work during my sick leave and am sure that you will respect that advice.

I will be returning to work on [ z date].

Yours sincerely

@lucysmam

When you return, do not agree to a return to work meeting without the support of your Union rep, and tell them that this is the advice you have been given.

Hi @lucysmam
How are you getting on?
I found the best way to get manager/HR communication under control was to insist on email only and no phone calls - welfare or otherwise. It allows you to answer when YOU want/need/can and allows you to think about how you reply rather than being on the backfoot with the demand of an immediate response when dealing with a phone call particularly unexpected calls. You are not unreasonable to demand this.

I got fired from my job earlier this year for allegedly being incapable of doing my duties (despite several positive OH reports) after only one long term absence review meeting and I was then sacked at the second one! I have terminal cancer (no further treatment) and I challenged my employer last year over disability discrimination (won my case with the help of ACAS) and went off sick with stress initially because of how I was being treated by my own manager and HR. Anyway, I am awaiting the result of my appeal and have an ACAS conciliator ready because I'm challenging the disability discrimination and that correct procedures weren't followed etc. I can't return to my job because I raised 'whistleblowing' concerns/abuses by my manager and to be honest having been off for a few months I rather like not working for my manager now despite still being more than capable. But in being sacked I lost my Death in Service entitlement which was to help my DP/DC manage after my death and lost an unblemished working record.
The one thing that I discovered from ACAS was how many rights I have. Like you Lucysmam, I planned all my medical appointments around work and even cancelled some because I was too scared to 'annoy' my manager by asking to go during my shift as I had no idea that I was entitled to paid time off. I didn't know that I was protected by law and boy, did my manager abuse that. When I started to push back I became a 'problem' and ultimately the manager, area manager and HR manipulated the situation and sacked my without warning - this is a huge national charity. Meanwhile all sorts of shenanigans have been going on including victimising any colleagues that I still have contact with so it's an utter shit show.

Whatever you do Lucysmam, don't voluntarily go for medical retirement as some have suggested. Once you do that you lose your Death in Service benefit. Weigh up what you'd get under DiS and how much you get under medical/early retirement. If you know your approximate prognosis of longevity then you can calculate if retirement is financially worth it or not. If medical retirement is forced on you then get your union rep to bargain as higher cash pay out as possible or drag it out for as long as you can.

@Mothrasstillmoshing I'm so sorry!

@lucysmam you should be able to get a free financial advice session with Wesleyan to raise those important points. I found them very helpful when I was trying to contest fire and rehire at my independent school.

Financial advice and planning for teachers https://share.google/NwKWX4aKOO6AIJJQT

I’ve just read your whole thread
im so sorry to hear how your employer has treated you.

personally if it were me I’d say
fuck Em
I wouldn’t go back for the last 2 weeks, I’d be too angry and couldnt look at her
Id go back to GP and explain they are treating you terrible and your stress levels are high as well as dealing with your diagnosis it’s becoming too much
can you have a long term sick note

enjoy the time off , relax , get yourself into a good headspace
and fuck them !

Do not back down and let this hardfaced woman WIN . You deserve better

My partner had a really utterly terrible manager in Revenue Office
She would belittle him in from of colleges (he was also a manager himself)
Stand behind him and watch what he was doing, and then pull him up “ what you doing to that “ in front of everyone ( not quietly ) plus lots of other horrible things that caused him to question his confidence (in the job 40 yrs)
She was a manager arse creeper !

In the end I said to him , go sick
luckily for him he was 12 mths of 60 able to retire
In the end he got ill health retirement (enhanced) pension & lump sum

Fuck Em , your just a number no matter how hard you work and give