I am so annoyed with work right now. If you're feeling mean, don't bother...I'm not after being pulled apart.

[lucysmam]

For context: I have stage 4 breast cancer & may not see either of my girls graduate/marry/whatever other big life events. Work are very aware of this & I did have a conversation with Headteacher a couple of weeks ago re. asking for an early finish to spend time with dd1 - answer was no then also.

I requested dd2's prom day off. Answer is no - speak to headteacher if I want to know why. Meanwhile; one colleague currently at international themepark on 2 week jolly that's been approved, another allowed sports day off.

Neither actually in the process of dying & being kept alive by various medications.

I'm feeling massively hard done by & annoyed that a holiday's allowed, but being with my child to prep for a special event isn't when they know my prognosis as well as I do.

Oh @lucysmam this has made my blood boil! You have an army of weekend thread mumsnetters behind you and we all agree you should go on the sick! Fuck them!! Sending love.

Sorry to hear about your situation. If you’re in a trade union, I’d have a meeting with them. Are you also under occupational health? You might be eligible for ill health retirement so contact the provider - not sure if you are teacher or support staff so LGPS or teacher’s pension scheme. Go off sick in the meantime. I’m genuinely shocked a school has sanctioned a theme park term time holiday for a staff member - would be a hard no at the school I work in.

I just want to make sure you are getting advice from your union. Your contract gives you certain benefits like, I'm sorry to say, death in service which will be an enormous help to your family. Your union rep should be able to support you in making sure you and your family are supported and also get all you and they are entitled to.

Maybe don’t ask next time. Take the day off as sick. Can’t believe your employer is being this horrible. Deep breaths and do what is good for your soul

Are you in a TU? If not join one!! I'd ask them outright if they are discriminating against me due to my disability given x and have been allowed time off.

Please make sure you are in the pension scheme and your death benefits form is up to date.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. In your shoes I wouldn't think twice about asking my GP for a sick note. You and your daughters deserve to make these memories together (and the head sounds like a heartless cow bag for refusing).

I agree with all the PP up thread and am very sorry for your situation. You will want to spend as much time as possible with your family. Go on sick leave for as long as you are paid.

That sounds very difficult and unsupportive from your work.
What did the head say was the reason your request for leave had been refused?
And why your request for flexible working was refused?
I can understand why people are saying take some sick leave ,the mental health aspect would be enough to make anyone need time off?

This. Absolutely.

Go off sick. What an awful place to be working.

I'm so sorry op.This is so horrible. I agree with the sick leave idea.

Get signed off sick. Who cares, work can figure it out without you. DDs are more important.

I agree with go off sick. Don't take the day though, take at least the week or just indefinite if that's a possibility. Those people sound absolutely awful, they should be ashamed of themselves. They obviously have no concern for you so why should you have any for them.

Never go in again ever, ever.

you don’t need a reference 😬 Stay off sick for the rest of your (hopefully) long life

Go off sick and in fact, I’d explore ill health retirement if you’re in the Teachers Pension Scheme. Hopefully you’ve explored other benefits too. You may want to continue working of course but it’s an option.

I might miss your weekend thread @lucysmam but wishing you the best xx

Secondary Teacher here - speak to your colleagues. I’d cover you to go in a heartbeat. Lots of Year 11 gain time at the moment so staff could help out.

Ultimately though, please get your GP to sign you off. I would lose all respect for my SLT if they treated staff like you’re being treated. Your daughters need to create these memories with you OP. Put them first.

I've come back to answer some questions, sorry it's taken so long, I was going to vent & leave it -

(Apologies, cannot remember who asked & would have to tag individually if I scroll back & go page by page which is annoying)

• death in service is up to date - it goes to the girls 50/50

-LGPS is also up to date but not worth a great deal to anyone

• I used up all my sick allowance having chemo 3 years ago. 6 mths full/6 mths half pay. Haven't had a day off in 2 calendar years though but not sure if it "resets" or not & not keen to find out the hard way.

• Yes, I'm in a TU. They've been involved before when work have refused a once in a lifetime request (Eve's Trust referral), then told me I am not allowed to be ill for 6 weeks after coming back from chemo. I'd have liked not to need them again 🙄🤷‍♀️

• Someone mentioned I still may live for a long time as stage 4 - I might. I also might not. You don't know, & neither do I. I want to do as much as I can with the girls before I can't - "maybe I'll live years and see..." shouldn't be how we're looking at this. Maybe I'll miss out because of the cancer & I want to do what I can with them. It's bad enough my appointments are treated as 'routine' - there's nothing routine about slowly dying & your kids knowing about it, no matter which employer has decided it's routine/normal.

• Someone asked if I'd asked why I couldn't have the day. The last time I asked was for a finish time an hour earlier, on a Friday, so I didn't have to schlep a suitcase across London to find dd - just straight to Wembley. Not the whole day - one hour. I was told no, it's for special occasions & it was SATS week. There were no SATS exams on the Friday & my lunchtime colleagues would have been happy to organise covering me among them. So no, I haven't bothered to ask. What is the actual point when clearly prom is not special enough but sports day & fucking Disney are?

Anyway, still pissed off, but if I engage union support I think it'll still be "no", because I had them heavily involved when my Eve's Trust referral was Eras Tour related & the answer was repeatedly "no" 🤷‍♀️. Maybe I should have asked for Disney 🤣.

Are you an academy or LA school?

Please find out the terms of your contract and sick pay ASAP. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this shit and be so ill.

@Happytaytos it's an academy. And, contract just states 6mths full/6mths half pay. No inkling of whether it resets & if I ask it'll trigger a "why do you need to know" response, I think.

Don’t ask them. Many academies follow burgundy book. Chances are yours gives you another six months on full pay then six on half pay. Your union rep can tell you for sure. Join the ill health teachers pension group and make sure you know whether you can get your pension early. - if I were you I would fuck them and be off on Monday then take my six months on full pay and the see how I feel.
So sorry you have this to deal with on top of the illness. X

Go through the policies with a fine tooth comb. They should be freely available.

Do you have a union rep in school? They'll likely know.

@Palimpa I've never heard of burgundy book, shall have a google.

I'll re-read policies over tomorrow and see if it sheds any light.

It will reset after that length of time if they follow standard procedures. Is there anyone you trust enough to find out for you in school, eg school business manager ? You really could do with union backing. If you have a mortgage do you have critical illness cover as it often pays out early for a stage 4 diagnosis?. Oh and can you ask for a referral to OHU at work? There are lots of things you can look at but they should really be supportive and advising you with all this. It’s diabolical really. I’m in a maintained school and we would not be treating a valued staff member like this, we would ensure they knew their rights and help and support them.

Get a sick note for 6 months full, 6 months half!