I am so annoyed with work right now. If you're feeling mean, don't bother...I'm not after being pulled apart.

[lucysmam]

For context: I have stage 4 breast cancer & may not see either of my girls graduate/marry/whatever other big life events. Work are very aware of this & I did have a conversation with Headteacher a couple of weeks ago re. asking for an early finish to spend time with dd1 - answer was no then also.

I requested dd2's prom day off. Answer is no - speak to headteacher if I want to know why. Meanwhile; one colleague currently at international themepark on 2 week jolly that's been approved, another allowed sports day off.

Neither actually in the process of dying & being kept alive by various medications.

I'm feeling massively hard done by & annoyed that a holiday's allowed, but being with my child to prep for a special event isn't when they know my prognosis as well as I do.

It absolutely should reset. Please contact the union and ask for casework assistance.

Fucking hell. They can be arsey all they like but it's tough shit. You are ill!

Well, not my 'politically correct' work answer but some things are too important to miss - OP, take some 'sick leave'.

They're not supporting you as they should be.

You and your family are more important.

All the best xx

Make those memories! xx

Perhaps your union rep could check? They don't have to say it's on your behalf.

I've been having a chat (via email) with my union rep - he's advised emailing & asking for the decision to deny the day's leave to be re-considered since I haven't taken any days for "Life Events" per the Special Leave Policy. I actually haven't had any time off apart from medically necessary appointments which they've been logging as "routine". Routine being cited in the same policy as Dr/Dentist/Optician - medical being ones you actually need...you know like the ones for medication to keep me alive that I don't get much choice about the timings of.

He's suggested that I may have a case for discrimination since they're applying the same "special leave" to my medical treatments as asking for a day off for my child & obviously refused the latter because of the former.

I have no idea how to word this email so that's tonight's job 🤔. It should NOT be so stressful to spend an important day with dd!

Can your union rep not take a look at an initial draft? Your management should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

Yes, he's going to proof read & then I'll cc him in as well.

I am so sorry they are being so awful!

I'm glad your rep is being helpful. Perhaps ask ChatGPT to help you draft an email.

I don't know whether you're eligible but could you consider early retirement on medical grounds? I'd look into your pension rights as well dependant on your diagnosis.

Sending you hugs.

I was also going to say try ChatGPT to help draft an email!

Email has been checked, edited and sent.

Not sure what to do if it's still no 🤷‍♀️, and, I have to walk into briefing alone tomorrow as the ladies I usually go with are out <sigh>.

Union rep is keen to follow up that my "routine appointments" are not routine, and are medically necessary (which they are!!), so that's pencilled in for not prom day.

Thank you all for the support - it made me cry a bit last night that total strangers can be so supportive but work (management) aren't!

@lucysmam, your work are being negligent. You could take them to the cleaners. Please make sure you document everything, you certainly have a case here.
And they dont have a leg to stand o

Go to HR and talk about this absolute utter nonsense they’re making you go through. Then send a sick note. What an awful company culture.

Sooo, I've had a response. Apparently it's unfair to everyone else to approve a "nice" thing for me when I have to have the medical appointments I go to 🤔 & they're approved!!

I am beyond pissed off.

How tf is going to a cancer appointment the same as going on a jolly!?

Oh my god -,what a bunch of wankers. I am so sorry.

& my gp has not responded to my request to be signed off.

You should write that back

”I fail to see why it’s unfair to other staff for my medically necessary appointments for stage 4 cancer to be approved”

I think that’s withering enough.

they’re massive cunts, hopefully your union rep will set them right. If you have the above in writing that seems like a tasty constructive dismissal case (but you would need some legal advice for that) as it’s so bloody appalling

I think I’d have to reply, then let’s hope they get cancer so they can have the same time off for appointments!!! The gall that someone has sat and wrote that reply.

I'm so sorry OP, that is disgusting behaviour from them! I'm another one that says go off sick, family is more important than any stupid job!

Fucking hell what an awful reply.

I can imagine the twat on SLT that would write that email.

Aww lucysmam, I would just take the damned day off (sick). What are they going to do? Come round to your house and check your temperature?

After losing our son (28) last June to a Glioblastoma, if nothing else it has taught me to do what I want to do and sod the consequences.

Sending love to you xx

I am gobsmacked. I'm literally speechless. Take them to the cleaners @lucysmam

I'm so sorry they are making such a stressful thing even worse 💐

Anyone with, or who has had, cancer is protected by the Equality Act. Under the Equality Act 2010, cancer is automatically classified as a disability. You are legally protected from the moment you are diagnosed, for the rest of your life—even if the cancer is in remission. An employer needs to protect from discrimination and make reasonable adjustments - sounds like your employer is doing neither! If I were you i'd respond to their latest message asking if they are aware its a protected characteristic and they are treating you differently and not making reasonable adjustments? Shocking, I am so sorry you are experiencing this.

You need to go off sick

@LaurieFairyCake I do! I asked for it specifically in writing as I had a suspicion it was because of my medical needs!

Union rep is more than willing to take this as far as we can - I don't have the backing of a business to pay legal fees though.

I'm not sure ht has realised she's digging a hole by confirming it's her opinion that it's unfair to everyone else that I go to appointments and they don't (because, obviously, having cancer disadvantages those who don't).

I'm currently composing an email calling out next week & informing them it's stress related because in which world does cancer treatment warrant the same treatment as sports day or a holiday & why tf should I feel like I have to beg to spend important days with dd, just because I go to appointments I need to stay alive?!

I have no useful information but just wanted to say your boss is being truely unreasonable and lacking in decency and empathy.
I hope your union chap continues to support you and you should absolutely call in sick for stress. Get a GP appt asap (I know easier said than done) and get them to give you a sick note for stress, anxiety and fatigue. Even a few weeks will help. And you can spend time with DD.
Wishing you all the best 💐