Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

I think your friend was incredibly ungrateful and rude. I wish your child was friends with mine and my own child got such thoughtful gifts.

There's something very charming about a book that old and the inscription in it but I don't think a young child is likely to appreciate any of that.

The art of thoughtful present giving is to find something that the recipient will love, not something that the giver will love. The recipient clearly didn't love it.

The 'horrible smell of old books' makes me sneeze.

What a horrible woman.

Regardless of that, I was brought up to accept gifts graciously....I would never be so rude as to dispose of it and then text that person to let them know! Furthermore, if she didn't like the book, why not just donate back to the charity rather than add to landfill? Disgraceful behaviour all round. I would "bin" the friend in this case!

i wouldn’t gift someone a second hand book unless it was a rare one that the had mentioned but then again I also don’t shop in charity shops. I have been known to bin books because the ones I buy are 2 for £8 in tesco so hardly expensive.

Agree. I can't fathom people who think that way, but imagine being so ungrateful and horrible thst you'd TELL the person who bought it that you threw their gift away? My mind is literally boggling at the entitlement. If people feel strongly, that's one thing, but give it back to a charity shop yourself, and then keep it to yourself, don't tell the person who bought it. It's so rude. And to just throw it away? I feel sorry for her son. What a crackpot.

Goodness. You sound like an absolutely lovely and thoughtful friend - she sounds ungrateful and a bit vacuous! Even if she did throw it away, she certainly shouldn’t have told you. Dreadful behaviour x

I totally agree with you on this point, I would never have told the OP I didn’t like it, I would have put it in a cupboard for 6 months then donated it after saying thank you very much. Only once have I told a person I didn’t like their gift and that was when MIL gave me some kitchen cloths wrapped up in wrapping paper for Christmas, and I felt the rudeness of the gift deserved a telling off!

No you're not wrong. To be honest if she has those feelings she could have quietly disposed or donated the book without being a c*, but she chose to be horrible.

I agree and I said in my first post that the friend was rude to tell the OP that she didn’t like the gift. But the point that people are making that the book was a sentimental gift is a different one. It can be true that the friend was rude, and that the OP’s gift was more sentimental to her the to the recipient and probably seemed an odd and random choice. And I’ve just reread the OP because it’s quoted in the post above this and the OP just assumed the book was thrown away. It may well have been donated back to charity or handed off to someone else.

What???

Your friend sounds like a door knob. I think it was lovely and you sound lovely!

Sounds like a lovely gesture and I love the history of it. Honestly I'd probably not be friends with someone with such a vastly different outlook to me.

Do her children not go to the library?

IME people who take such views on second hand things, especially for something like books (fair enough if you don’t want second hand knickers), are invariably people with very naff and tacky senses of taste.

Old books can trigger asthma and rhinitis in some people so they’re not universally acceptable.
Your friend was very rude in how she dealt with the issue even so.

What is with this idea that people who don’t like second hand books are somehow morally and socially inferior? We all like different things. Personally I don’t like second hand books because my entire childhood was spent being dragged around second hand book shops by my parents who have an unhealthy hoarding obsession with them, money that could’ve been spent on things like holidays and hobbies for me and my brother instead went on books that then got donated once there wasn’t room for them in the house anymore. Also I once went to friends house and she kept some books in the downstairs loo, literally next to the toilet, those donated books could be someone else’s ’toilet books’ 🤢

I don’t take my kids to the library except for rhyme time etc, but I do take them to Waterstones every week, they’ve got 3 bookcases full of books, I’m not some astroturf loving chav, I just don’t like second hand books and wouldn’t appreciate one as a gift.

I probably wouldn't have given it as a birthday present but given it at another time as a random present.

That’s thoughtful of you. How shallow and crass of her

You literally "bin" books ?
I really hope not.
That's ridiculous.
There's dozens of places you could pass them on to.
Also "2 for £8" isn't cheap for everyone (plus they're mostly 2 for £9 now)

This. I am disgusted by that behaviour. Both the way she treated you as a ‘friend’ and what she did with the book. I imagine she does not value learning or books in general.

You didn’t do wrong. It was a thoughtful gift. I would question your friendship with someone who is so rude and ungrateful. Even if she did think it was dirty she should have kept those thoughts to herself.

Gosh, some people on this thread are my mil reincarnated…

She would open a present and simply say, “I don’t want this” with fil enabling away saying, “They’ll get you something else, Marjorie.”

She was also someone who only liked brand new things. In fact dh was rather this way inclined too - but I think I’ve reprogrammed him now!

In theory all books in schools, bookshops and libraries are secondhand in the sense they are handled by multiple people. What a shame for you I would encourage you to express your sadness at her negative response.

@Overworkedandknackered perhaps when your children are older they will resent your weekly Waterstones trips in the same way and for the same reasons you apparently resent your parents’ second hand book purchases