Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

It’s been probably owned by just one person.

Shes going to freak when someone tells her about things called libraries . Thank heavens so many are being shut down.

She over reacted for sure.
It was a lovely thought OP.
I’d not bother with her as a friend.

People saying about "second hand" and "charity shop" gifts....

Books are different. Look on the back of Private Eye every two weeks and there are "second hand" books going for thousands. Cant remember the name of the auction house off hand, but Neil Pearson is now a book dealer (played Dave in Drop the Dead Donkey and Bridget's boss in BJD) and he specialises in rare titles.

It breaks my heart that my mother (a control freak who will throw out anything that means nothing to her, but will hoard anything that she paid money for) threw out all of my Ladybird first editions. Would be worth a fortune now.

Completely agree. I wonder how she'd have reacted if she'd been told it had come from an antiquarian bookshop, which it quite easily could have done.

Wow. That's a really special present.You're a great gift giver!

That sounds lovely and I am a great appreciator of objects with soul and history. Unfortuately I do know quite a few people who would do that though and have a huge aversion to anything secondhand, particularly for their children.

Your friend is a thoroughgoing thoughtless, ignorant bitch. Dump her immediately.

My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.

Suggested response:

”You realise you’ve just thrown away a first edition of Pinocchio. They’re worth upwards of £125!”

Your friend is weird.

Ask her if you gave her, say, an antique clock or a Michelangelo painting, would she throw that away in case it had been "God knows where"?

Text back "No offence, but I just won't bother with presents in future".

Your friend seems to be lacking in soul OP! You did a nice thing, I’m sorry it wasn’t appreciated.

@Pansykavalier totally agree. My sister is like that. No secondhand anything. Philistine too.

Such a shame. You sound lovely. She's not much of a friend 😞

She is just ungrateful, and teaching her children to be ungrateful too. Even if I was a bit funny about 2nd had stuff I would have accepted gratefully personally. But we have loads of second hand books and when my kids are done with them they will go to another home, not the bin unless wrecked or dirty. That is the world we live in now, people like to repurpose things, pass on via vinted etc. we used to use things to death years ago, then came the I want everything new era, now we are back to reusing again

I would have loved that gift, very sentimental. Your friend was rude to say that to you, she should have just disposed of it privately if she dislikes second hand things for whatever reason. You did nothing wrong OP.

You are my kind of person ❤️
Such a kind and thoughtful gift. Your friend is 100% in the wrong and its a shame she's so superficial
I'd be stepping back big time from this "friendship"
Sending love to you ❤️

I don’t understand all these replies saying it was a heartfelt and sentimental gift, and better than a new book. It was a secondhand book with an inscription in from a complete stranger, it was yellowed and would have had that horrible smell that comes with old books. As much as people like second hand books, and I know just how much some people like then because my parents are obsessed to the point their entire house is lined with manky old charity shop books and they’ve had to get a storage unit to put more in, it’s not really heartfelt or sentimental, it’s just an old book. If it had been the OPs book when she was a child, or the inscription happened to mirror their names or something I’d get it but generally giving second hand books as gifts to children is a no-no.

Such a shame you can’t see the sentiment behind it.

Quite. Personally I love love love pre-loved books. It feels like there is a connection to someone who felt the same reading them, and somehow this enhances the experience of reading.

How awful! Honestly, it's sometimes hard to understand what goes through some people's heads. I can't ever imagine texting someone to complain about a gift and tell them I was throwing it away. Terrible behaviour.
I wouldn't bother buying anything next time.

Imagine if she visited a library.

That was incredibly rude of her. Is she a germaphobe? Does she think new books in a bookshop have never been touched by anyone? Or is it because it was a bit scruffy and used looking? Whatever, she completely over reacted. Anyone with any consideration would just have thanked you, even if they never intended to give it to their child. I'm not sure I could continue the friendship.

What sentiment? it’s a second hand book with nothing sentimental about it, there was no special connection to the book other than she thought the child would like it, no one would say a new book was sentimental because she thought the child would like it.

What is this “horrible smell of old books”, pray? I love the smell of old books - mmm. Musty charity shop clothes - no (just received evil-smelling trousers from Vinted - had to throw them away as smell wouldn’t come out).

But books… I wish books would smell as good as they used to. I would sink my nose into a new Famous Five to inhale the print. And I still have an excellent (too excellent sometimes) sense of smell.

I sort of agree with this. The OP has a moment of sentimentality over the book but didn’t explain that to her friend so it just seemed like a random gift. The child as far as we knew has no particular interest in vintage books, Pinocchio, or share a name with any of the inscribees. The boy and his mother would have no way of knowing that the OP chose it with love, or wrapped it up accidentally. The sentimentality all on the giver and not on the recipient, and whether or not you’d have liked it as a gift doesn’t really change that.