Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

I would ask for the book back.

Except the gift in question was neither thoughtless nor random...

Your friend behaved appallingly, what you did was nice. She sounds like a bitch

I love a second hand book as does my son. He has always had them and sees them as more special because of the history.
She sounds materialistic and greedy. And deranged.

I would have felt the same as your friend but I wouldn’t have told you, I really hate second hand books and I wouldn’t want anything second hand as a gift.

OP, your gift was lovely and your friend sounds vulgar & ungrateful.

I love second-hand things and - like you - I adore the thought that once-loved treasures can find a second-lease of life. Out-of-print books are particularly special.

For anyone who is worried about germs (and I am not suggesting anyone should be - but i can get anxious about it) I was reliably informed that putting the books in a zip-lock bag and freezing for 72 hours is the solution.

OP, Id feel sorry for your friend. Her narrowmindedness is shutting her off to so much joy. But i probably wouldnt forgive her rudeness.

Would that not make the book damp?

I wouldn’t have said anything to you but I also wouldn’t appreciate receiving (or my child receiving) a second hand book. I appreciate it’s a me issue but I hate touching used books and would not keep it in my home. That said I would have disposed of it quietly rather than raised an issue

It’s probably a bloody antique. Shocking behaviour - often my favourite gifts are second hand books. Not stuff that someone bought for me because they saw an ad somewhere but because they love me and thought I’d like it.

You wouldn’t keep it in your house? It’s not a filthy animal. I bet all the people posting like this aren’t book lovers. They just don’t get it.

another reason to love second hand books OP is that they’re the opposite of fast fashion culture. Better to recycle than buy new all the time.

She's lucky to have a friend that buys her son books. Did she thank you at all for the new books. Did she thank you for thinking of her son?

I wouldn’t buy or keep second hand books from a charity shop but I love literature of all kinds , although granted I only read on a Kindle now because of my eyesight issues and the fact that I read mainly in bed in the dark . Last year I read over 70 books . Some of us just don’t like second hand clothes , books , toys etc , although as I said upthread the friend dealt with it in a very rude manner .

Almost a million children in the UK don’t even own a book.

https://literacytrust.org.uk/research-services/research-reports/children-and-young-peoples-book-ownership-in-2025/

She was nasty you did a lovely thing.

Your friends ungrateful and horrible

I can't imagine telling a friend that I threw their present away. How bad mannered.

Do you never take your children to the library?

So you must seal the book in a zip-lock bag and then keep it in the bag until it is fully thawed to minimise moisture.

Maybe not one to try with a rare first edition though.

No. If the book was age appropriate then you did nothing wrong at all!

How will she cope with her DS bringing home books from school that goodness knows who may haread first? Your friend is very stupid. I buy lots of books from charity shops and enjoy reading them all then pass them on to my sister and niece who read them then take and drop-off at a different charity shop. The thing with books many people can all enjoy reading the same book. I feel sorry for her ds with a Mum like that.

Blimey has your friend never heard of a library - what's the difference?
It was a lovely idea OP just a shame the kind thought went to waste.
X

The only second-hand reading material I would not touch is a magazine in the doctor’s surgery or hospital. Uuurrrrggghhh!!

But not liking second-hand books per se - why? Do you look at a first edition in a museum and recoil? What about museums full stop? They’re full of old stuff!

I do think there’s something psychological in spurning second-hand. I don’t know what it is but some visitors have looked very askance at my house. Sil actually asked why I bought old furniture when I could afford new.

Yes I think the real reason is that they think you should have spent (more) money on a new present rather than (less) money on a second hand present.

It's not very eco-friendly.

When I was a child, one of my mum's friends used to cut up old Christmas cards to make tags for presents. My mum thought she was mean at the time, but now she laughs about it and says what a good idea!

I used to buy nearly all my books from a market stall when I was a child and I ma still here. No pests or parasites. I bet the people who worry about that sort of thing let their dogs kiss them. There's no accounting for hygiene worries I suppose.

Some people are funny about libraries. I recently started using mine again instead of buying from Amazon.

@igelkott2026 - I suspect that they are not dog people! Huge crossover I would think between anti-second hand brigade and dog haters. If they shudder at a creased spine let alone a touch of foxing, then heaven knows how they view muddy paws and hair left everywhere…