Friend was annoyed I bought her son a book from the charity shop ..was I wrong ?

[luluxxx]

My friends little boy loves reading,he loves books.
It was his birthday last week and I spotted an old Pinocchio book in the charity shop ,it was from 1957 and inside In pencil was a note “to Jim happy 6th birthday love Eleanor”
I don’t know but it tugged at my heart strings a bit.
In my head I thought that book was full of love and rather than sitting in Charity shop or even worse landfill that it would be nice to go to another home to me loved.
I also bought him so new books from Waterstones too.
My friend text basically saying she threw it away as it was dirty ,and her words “no offense but I don’t think you should give a book from a charity shop that’s been good knows where “ as a gift.
Anyway I’m assuming she’s thrown it away
I was a bit sad because I was only trying to do something nice.
It deffo wasn’t dirty either,it was the old pages and they had little yellow areas (not dirt just a old book)

Did I do wrong ?
I have anxiety to start with ,now I’m kicking myself for being too sentimental and probably made a fool of myself

She is, but why would you say that about her other half?

Er, because unless they were virgins when they got together, which is unlikely these days, he is also technically 'second hand'.

That's a ridiculous generalisation and is, in itself, quite snobbish. It's not an upbringing thing; people who were brought up with very little are just as happy to root through the bookshelves in a charity shop as anyone else.

The OP's friend is just a twat, that's all. It's that simple.

OP, I'm not really sure why you're friends with this woman. She sounds incredible rude and unpleasant.

I went with my daughter and new grandson to charity shop and got the complete set of Beatrix potter books for 15 quid. Would have been 150 quid new. He will love them !!

Crazy. How about library books, I wonder if she considers them dirty too?

Did she at least say thank you for the other books?

Technically it's probably true 😂

I’ve just sent some books abroad to My dil’s little brother who has just started school and is learning English. They are all books that were dedicated and signed by the author for ds3 when he was little. I had kept them but now thought it would be nice for another child to have them. I hope they are not cursing me.

I think it was a lovely thing to do @luluxxx. She doesn’t seem much of a friend to me.

YANBU. What a charming gift! Your friend is a rude cunt.

Oh fgs.

Germs do not live for days on books.

Sure, washing your hands after being out in public is reasonable hygiene. Being scared of second hand books is not.

As a PP said, this mum must freak out at the idea of a library.

As another PP said, new books have likely been touched by more people than second hand ones.

Unless this mum quarrantines every item coming into the house, its not logical to focus on the second hand book.

You did something thoughtful and your friend is plain weird - particularly as she told you off too! Don’t dwell on it.

Personally I love my daughter having second hand books, we've got a few that's written in one being too Thom love mam. Whose mam? Whose Thom? What was thom trying to draw on page four? So many wonderful questions.
Yanbu

I gave my friend and her children gifts and she put them for sale on Vinted the next day. Some people were not brought up to be kind and respectful. I hope you will not have anything more to do with her!

Assume your friend doesn't visit the library and borrow a book as shock horror someone else has handled it.

That was a charming present OP, I sell vintage and 1950s and 60s children's books fly out mostly purchased for children/grandchildren by parents/grandparents - often a sentimental purchase, but also because of the quality and charm of the book of this era.

Nice of your "friend" to throw a little piece of history away.

She is a total ungrateful arse and is setting a poor example to her son.

This is perfect (I’d leave off “…in our lives”).

Unless her DC is a much loved godchild, I wouldn’t really bother with her again.

Not wrong at all. She was a grade A arse. I wouldn’t be buying her or her DC anything next time .

How very rude of your friend!

I’d message back saying you’re sorry she didn’t appreciate the gift, it was an antique, and personally you found it charming.

It was given along with several new books, though. I may be wrong, but it sounds like the other books were a great present in their own right, with this one an extra 'wildcard' bonus.

I'd understand if it was a book that was published recently and still available new, but it was a second-hand copy that had been trashed and left in an appalling state; but unfortunately, it's impossible to buy a charming 70yo book that hasn't been in existence for 70 years, and thus been as susceptible to the ravages of time as everything and everybody else!

A friend of mine bought a few pre-loved baby books for my children.
I am a germaphobe and don't like pre-loved items. However I messaged my friend to say thank you for the lovely books, and that my girls were excited to read them. I then quietly put them in the charity donation bag. Your friend was rude to message you to complain about your gift.

No, I used to take my DDs to the charity shop all the time when they were little, they would buy a little toy with pocket money and we’d have a look for any good books.
Better than buying new all the time which is so wasteful

I just can’t subscribe to this idea that we should be eternally grateful for anything if “IT’S A GIFT”.

If someone wrapped up dog shit in a pink bow are we supposed to grovel and thank them profusely? Ugh, I hate this on the disappointed Christmas threads, people berating other people who are hurt by thoughtless random gifts to stfu and ‘be polite’ and ‘be grateful’. Why is that worse than thoughtlessness or self-orientated giving? Like the man who buys sexy underwear for his wife. He likes it. She feels like a sex toy. It’s not a time for being politely grateful.

I get that people are bowled over by the charm and whimsy of OP’s gesture but it was meaningless and a bit grubby to the recipient. So ultimately a poor gift. Which she was entitled to get rid of in the bin. And yes that might be because she’s a ‘philistine’ or ‘thick’ or a ‘bitch’ as lots of pp have charmingly labelled her, but the bottom line was she didn’t want it. It was valueless to her. And also, let’s not forget, the previous owner, who effectively threw it away too.

How rude and ignorant she is.

I really wouldn't want to be around such a person.

I have always collected some great second hand books, often of special interests to my children, for Christmas, when they were growing up.

Some books were hard backs costing £40+ that I would have picked up for a pound or two.

They loved them.

Honestly OP, your intentions were kind and generous.

Your friend is low class. Step away would be my advice.