How can I deal with my adult daughter refusing to wear a seatbelt?

[IdaSpare]

Please help, I'm at the end of my tether, my 21 year old daughter who will not wear a seatbelt either driving or as a passenger. She was always brought up to wear it and everyone else in the family always wears one. I think it's a sensory thing as she has always been very difficult about changing clothes or dealing with zips and labels etc but if she is going to drive a car, she has to wear it. It's quite unusual for me to be in a car with her anymore but every time recently I have been, I've had to tell her to put it on. I know she goes straight back to not wearing one when I'm not there. I've resorted to threatening to call the police on her myself but short of taking her keys off her I don't know what to do. I'm hoping I can show her this and she can realise how reckless and stupid she's being. Please, if any of you have any pearls of wisdom to share about dealing with a stubborn, know it all daughter, I'd be so grateful.

If its your car that you are sharing with her or allowing her to use, then stop that straight away, she isnt allowed to use it

If she is in the car with you, then you only drive off if she has the belt on

I have a clip which makes the belt a bit looser otherwise it ends up around my neck this happens to most women

A car seat belt advert in New Zealand from the 1990’s - it’s graphic so be warned. Hard-hitting like it needs to be for those who refuse to wear seat belts.

If you’re paying for the car and/or insurance then payments completely stop until she consistently wears it. Inform police to speak with her. There is absolutely no excuse for this behaviour OP - beyond irresponsible. She shouldn’t be on the roads full stop if she lacks maturity to this extent.

I would look online for articles from people who have been in accidents without a seatbelt, show her videos from survivors with life changing injuries etc or familes that have lost loved ones due to no seatbelt there must be lots of videos out there from people wanting to spread awareness, it sounds harsh to scare her into wearing it but needs must

I was a bit slack about that at her age too (because I was an over-confident, under thinking eejit), until my brother responded to my ‘when it’s my time to die, it’s my time to die’ shite with ‘and I guess if it’s your time to be horrifically scarred and disabled, it’s your time to be horrifically scarred and disabled’. Never did it again.

Would you like me to share in great (gory) detail about a late friend of mine who thought he was above wearing a seatbelt and died in a really horrible car accident? That the paramedics said if he'd been wearing his belt he wouldn't have shot through the front windscreen and ended up on the other side of the road, to be run over by an incoming vehicle.

Happy to go into further details from the PM and inquest.

Your daughter is an idiot. Please call the police on her. Hopefully she'll be caught by one of the smart traffic cameras not wearing it and get fined soon anyway. Presumably she has enough brain cells to not use her phone whilst driving too?

Thank you everyone, I will definitely show her those.
In my car, I have to tell her to put her seatbelt on and she does, if not she would be getting straight back out of it. The problem is in her car which she owns and pays for insurance etc herself.

Hate to say it but this sort of indicates you’re being rather too charitable saying it’s down to sensory issues. She’s being an absolute idiot but if she own her car and pays for it all herself, there’s really very little you can do. I hope she learns her lesson by being stopped by the police and not the unthinkable alternative.

Does she have her own car? If not then taking keys away and taking her off insurance is the only way to keep her safe.

If she has her own car then there isn’t much you can do. I suspect she is aware of the videos online and probably thinks they are a ‘scam’. She’s probably heard of one person who got a broken collar bone from a seatbelt (as opposed to being unalived) and decided seatbelts are dangerous 🤪

There will be no talking to her if she’s got that attitude so the police are probably the best route and report her every time she leaves with no seatbelt on.

Can you just report it on 101 online and report it as a car that has a driver who never wears their seatbelt? I dont know if that is possible

The police havent got time to address this to be honest, it will probably end when she ends up in an accident and gets injured. Hopefully not too badly

Does she drive on motorways and fast A roads or just local 30mph roads?

Well if that doesnt make her think, nothing will 😡

Report her to the police every time. It is better than her being killed.

Show her all the seatbelt safety videos. Ultimately there's nothing more you can do. I would be deeply disappointed and very frustrated that my apparently grown up daughter would act in such a careless manner. I genuinely hope she doesn't have to learn the hard way with regards to the value of wearing a seatbelt. Best wishes.

My car will not move unless the driver has a seatbelt on. Maybe look into that.

What a silly and selfish girl

My car makes an irritatingly loud bleeping sound if seatbelts aren't fastened and for that reason alone, I would refuse to have her as a passenger.

For fucks sake. Leave her be. You’ve told her the risks. Christ, mumsnet is unreal sometimes. It’s not a great choice but probably far less dangerous than many many things nobody here has their arsecheeks so tightly clenched at.

As well as showing her the videos, buy one of those will making packs and tell her to fill it in. Emphasise how this is because she's likely to kill herself.

What planet are you on? Leave your child be to die flying through the window in a car crash? Or potentially worse.. acquire a brain/spinal injury and become disabled for life? What fantastic advice!

More than she can handle?
Tough
The full grown adult woman needs telling
Too bad if she has hurty feelings
Time she wised up

Just don’t get in a car wih her unless she wears it.

i have a relative who didn’t have her seatbelt on in a car as a passenger, they crashed and she was thrown from the car and ended up with facial reconstruction of her face, with a lot of skin grafts, for years later, she had over 100 stitches on her face, she looked horrific and had operation after operation to save her face, sight, nose etc.

Yes this. If she borrows your car don't allow her to do so unless she wears the seat belt. Refuse to pay any associated costs for her to drive unless she will.promise you that she will always wear her seat belt. Along with refusing to drive with her that's all you can do.

Whats the alternative, she isnt listening, I doubt the videos will make a difference because she will have seen adverts like this over the years they've been on the telly. She has her own car. She cant be locked up

Loving your daughter and not wanting her to die in a car crash as Princess Diana did, and Marc Bolan many years ago, is not something I would say 'leave it be'.

If she has sensory issues to the point that she endangers her life wrt the seatbelt, is she fit enough to be driving?!

Inform the insurance company
She might wise up when her insurance goes up