How can I deal with my adult daughter refusing to wear a seatbelt?

[IdaSpare]

Please help, I'm at the end of my tether, my 21 year old daughter who will not wear a seatbelt either driving or as a passenger. She was always brought up to wear it and everyone else in the family always wears one. I think it's a sensory thing as she has always been very difficult about changing clothes or dealing with zips and labels etc but if she is going to drive a car, she has to wear it. It's quite unusual for me to be in a car with her anymore but every time recently I have been, I've had to tell her to put it on. I know she goes straight back to not wearing one when I'm not there. I've resorted to threatening to call the police on her myself but short of taking her keys off her I don't know what to do. I'm hoping I can show her this and she can realise how reckless and stupid she's being. Please, if any of you have any pearls of wisdom to share about dealing with a stubborn, know it all daughter, I'd be so grateful.

I absolutely agree. Talk about wet-nursing a grown adult. "more than she can handle", "sensory issues"... If she's that much of an idiot and a total wet lettuce, she doesn't deserve a driving license.

You went to all that effort just to prove yourself wrong. You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about!

Because if she didnt wear it then, she wouldnt have passed

Advising people to seek medical exemptions to avoid wearing a seat belt is hugely irresponsible.

A GP has to balance huge risk to life with medical need. I highly doubt sensory issues are such a need. If its that bad, just dont drive and get the bus.

Thank you all for all your messages. I have shown her this thread and she has read them, which in itself I think was a bit of a shock. It's easy to ignore when your mum tells you you're an idiot, a bit harder when it's dozens of strangers who all agree.
Just to clarify, she is never a passenger in my car without wearing a seatbelt. I usually have to tell her to put it on but she does otherwise, like you've all said, she'd be getting straight back out again. I have also spoken to her siblings and partner, shown them this thread and told them they have to make sure to do the same or refuse to drive with her.
I have asked her why she won't wear it and she can't really give a reason. Apparently at work she has to get in and out of her car a lot and it saves time, but that's just ridiculous. I mentioned I think it's a sensory thing as it's about the only possible thing I can think of, knowing what she is like. It is absolutely NOT an excuse it is more a case of me wracking my brains to find a possible explanation to work with as I am absolutely baffled by her refusal to comply. I totally agree that if you can't follow the rules then you can't drive a car. The risks are just too great and I have made that very clear to her.
Regarding the beeping seatbelt, I think, like my car, hers stops after a while or I've found it done up and her sitting on top of it, which is a level of hypocrisy and stupidity that I just cannot get my head around.
Anyway, thank you again for all your responses. Here's hoping they've permeated that young adult armour of arrogance, stubbornness and perceived invincibility that can make her so frustrating to deal with.

@IdaSpare Hopefully the thread will wake her up to the very real dangers. Personally I wouldn’t have mentioned sensory issues as she could use that regardless of your disapproval (no point putting ideas in her head).

Seatbelt or statistic, which one would she prefer.

I’m guessing you don’t have sensory issues? Or any empathy for people that do. You clearly live somewhere with a good reliable bus service too.

If wearing a seatbelt is distracting her due to sensory issues then she could be a danger to other people on the road, therefore a seatbelt exemption could make driving safer for her and others around her. You need to weigh all the risks. I also suggested that the GP could advise on ways to adapt the seatbelt to make its use acceptable.

The OP has been clear - it’s her own car, her own insurance. There is nothing OP can actually do but she’s understandably angry and worried.

She wears it as a passenger though?

I have clips on my car because the strangulation of the belt was distracting, I fixed it so that I can wear a seat belt.

The GP would advise on ways to make it usable for her, but thats not what you said, you said about her seeking a medical exemption. These are in really really extreme cases and as OP says, she is only guessing its a sensory issue. Its not a cop out for things you dont want to do.

If you cant drive, its probably best to move somewhere where public transport is reliable.

Hope you get through to her. I have no time for any sensory issues I am afraid. Not where safety is concerned.
If you want to drive you do it as per the law. If you cannot wear the belt for sensory reasons you just don’t drive.
There is not a rule just for her.

How did she manage to do driving lessons and subsequently pass her test if she’s avoiding wearing a seatbelt? If she managed to wear it for them, she can wear it in ‘real life’!

In which case she would have a Certificate of Exemption from a doctor.

I would feel sorry for the emergency services who would potentially have to deal with the aftermath of her not wearing a seatbelt.
She needs to think of other people and not herself here.

In fairness the op says she thinks that sensory could be a cause which is completely different to definitely having severe sensory issues which would be addressed completely differently.

More nonsense!

Your own post says seat belts when available!

I’d also suggest she ups her medical insurance for plastic surgery

I've worked for an insurer. They don't want to pay for claims that they have to. Let alone ones that they can bat out of the park like that. I will guarantee that any policy that covered that would have a tiny tiny tiny small print saying "this policy is dependent upon the policyholder acting in accordance with the laws and regulations in force at the time of the claim" or somesuch similar. (I worked in IT not underwriting, but learned enough).

Only if she’s told to. As a passenger the seatbelt doesn’t distract you from driving.

Do you think her examiner told her to put her belt on?

“Only if she’s told to” so sensory issues disappear if you’re told to?

Why wouldn’t she wear it as a passenger if it’s when she’s driving that it’s a distraction. Why does she have to be told?

Sorry, it just doesn’t add up to “sensory issues”, OP had also clarified that she suspects Is trying to think of an excuse that it is sensory issues.

Are you sure your seatbelt is still safe with whatever you have clipped on it? It’s easy to effect the seatbelt working.

I said a medical exemption or advice from the GP.

I do drive thank you. Though I have been temporarily disqualified on a medical grounds and had to temporarily rely on friends for lifts.

Indeed but she did mention sensory issues.

I certainly wouldn't be driving he anywhere, or letting her borrow my car, without her belting up.
My car continually dings at me if it can sense someone in a seat and the corresponding belt not secured. Is that a setting you can switch on?

A test is a totally different situation though. You know you’ll fail if you don’t wear your seatbelt.

No sensory issues don’t disappear if you are told, but perhaps she pays attention to what her Mum asks her to do.

If it’s sensory issues it can still be an issue when she is a passenger but the point is as a passenger she isn’t driving so any issues with the seatbelt can’t distract her from driving.

Yes, since my reply OP has clarified she was guessing it might be sensory issues.

It sounds like the daughter doesn’t wear the seatbelt for work as it’s inconvenient as it has to be taken off regularly. There is a seatbelt exemption for delivery drivers if certain criteria are met. It sounds like she just doesn’t think about putting a seatbelt on but will when reminded.

I made a short padded cover for my seatbelt to stop it digging into my neck. It doesn’t prevent it working properly, but it makes it more comfortable to wear.

It’s like a padded rectangle with Velcro down the middle to attach it.

I think it's a sensory thing

From OP first post! It’s just an excuse, as is

She wouldn’t pass her test without the seat belt
The seat belt might distract her when she’s driving, but clearly not enough to stop her taking lessons or passing her test
Her mum telling her to put the belt on, does that make sensory issues disappear then?

As suspected right from the start, sensory issues are not the reason.

She doesn’t want to wear it, so don’t, risk getting caught, have an accident that cause a lot more harm than necessary. She’s 21, and adult, so it’s her choice. What I completely disagree with is police involvement by the DM calling them, particularly 999 everytime she drives off, that’s a waste of resources.

Tell her to get out and walk