How can I deal with my adult daughter refusing to wear a seatbelt?

[IdaSpare]

Please help, I'm at the end of my tether, my 21 year old daughter who will not wear a seatbelt either driving or as a passenger. She was always brought up to wear it and everyone else in the family always wears one. I think it's a sensory thing as she has always been very difficult about changing clothes or dealing with zips and labels etc but if she is going to drive a car, she has to wear it. It's quite unusual for me to be in a car with her anymore but every time recently I have been, I've had to tell her to put it on. I know she goes straight back to not wearing one when I'm not there. I've resorted to threatening to call the police on her myself but short of taking her keys off her I don't know what to do. I'm hoping I can show her this and she can realise how reckless and stupid she's being. Please, if any of you have any pearls of wisdom to share about dealing with a stubborn, know it all daughter, I'd be so grateful.

😮

I would refuse to go in the car with her unless she's wearing a seat belt. After that - she is an adult and it is her (really BAD) choice to make. Just the same as if she was smoking, taking drugs, abusing alcohol etc.

You say it may be a sensory thing... it may be worth doing a bit of research to see if there is a different style of seat belt, padding etc. that might make it easier for her to accept.

Does her car not alarm if it is driven without the seat belt on? My car, quite old now, makes a ping, ping,ping sound until it is plugged in. Might be something to do with the anti-highjacking package commissioned by the original owner.

Id pop by your local fire station with her and ask them to describe how they deal with traffic accidents, we had someone come to talk to us about it in sixth form and I will never forget what a horrible and distressing situation it is for all.

Doesnt the alarm go off when not wearing a seatbelt. The alarm would make DSS put his seatbelt on. He had a habit of taking it off but the sound of the alarm usually made him put it back on or I would safely pull over and stop until he put it on, usually works when they need to get somewhere. Scary I agree.

I’ve got AuDHD and seatbelts really irritate me, I feel restricted and like it’s choking me. I’ve found if I wear a seat belt pad it’s bearable, you can get them from Amazon quite cheaply. If your daughter won’t wear one I’m sure that a fine and points will soon change her mind, her luck won’t last forever and she’ll get caught in the end.

Ask her who is lined up to be her carer if she ends up severely disabled, and make it clear that it won't be you.

An old schoolfriend became a fireman.

His very first shout was a serious accident on the A40 near Hayes,it was dark and foggy and a car had gone into a broken down van at high speed.

He was sent to look for the head of the passenger who wasn't wearing a seatbelt. It had rolled down the embankment.

Put your fucking seatbelt on.

Honestly I would just report her to the police. Give them her number plate and say she often doesn’t wear one. That’s what I would do if it were my family.

One of the issues is that it doesn’t just affect her own life, but the lives of anyone else in the vehicle who could be crushed by her hurtling round inside the car at high speed, and also the poor driver who got into a collision with her which kills her when it would not have been fatal if she had worn a seatbelt.

It’s also not just the life and death injuries she will sustain, but the life-altering injuries, particularly brain damage from smacking her head at 60mph into a window or door frame.

Bloody hell I remember that one - absolutely horrific!

If a non seatbelted rear passenger goes forwards over a belted front passenger at speed they can decapitate the front passenger.

My friend served 25 years in fire and rescue. I have plenty more tales if people like.

An overloaded car full of teenagers crashed in our village, one girl went out through the sunroof, broke her back and had to relearn to walk wearing a full torso brace. She’s lucky she wasn’t completely paralysed.

Lucky is a strange word to use for someone who spent months flat on their back in hospital.

Also lucky no-one died.

When I worked in insurance we had a quite distressing incident where a policyholders not wearing a seatbelt in a crash that wasn't their fault significantly reduced their damages. The phrase "contributory negligence" was bandied about.

If she lives with you I would absolutely take her keys. I’d tell her that whilst she lives here I am not having that knock on my door that she’s killed herself or injured someone else due to her recklessness.

Give her a bus timetable and some bus fare.

Give her funeral plan leaflets. Start asking if she has life insurance. Be very morbid. I know that's horrid, but what on earth is she thinking and why?
Also, keep sending her the adverts from the 90's for seatbelt safety. They were harrowing. Again, morbid, but shocks are needed. The worst ones are younger people. One gets crushed by a friend due to no seatbelt, one flies through the windscreen and there is one with a driver and they show internal organs being crushed by the steering wheel. I think that's Australian.

Do not take her anywhere in your car. You could end up with a criminal record, etc.

Report to the police if she insists on doing it in her own car. Again harsh, but it's one thing to risk her own life, but I wouldn't want my own child (even adult) going in a vehicle with someone so reckless. This may frighten her.

Unfortunately you can't take her keys or hide keys as she is an adult and that would be theft. That would be another option if absolutely desperate and that could lead to getting police help if she reports you for taking them.

A car that will not move unless everyone is clicked in is also an option, but expensive.

I hope there is a solution for you and never any bad outcome from her actions. X

If it's really a sensory issue, there are places she could go to for help (autism charities/ the driver assessment+ seating places / an Occupational Therapist).

She could also go to her GP and ask for a medical exemption from wearing a seatbelt which would almost certainly lead to the GP explaining why she needs to wear one.

You can talk about her behaviour to her friends (if you see them) and to other family members. Don't keep it a secret.

Sharp shock of injuries through not wearing a seat belt.

When me and my sister were kids, we’d take ages to put our belt on. So one day driving out of our little cul-de-sac, my father slammed the breaks on. He was only doing about 5 miles an hour- if that. But we shot forward.

He explained that even if he had a belt on, us hitting into him could cause him to go thru the window . He also said we could smack our heads on something - which could kill us.

Im 34 now and must have been about 10 when he did it. It worked. I always wear my belt.

If she doesn't listen after videos, then speak to the police, get them to give her a fright, it will save her life.

Having been through a car windscreen after a crash before the seat belt was introduced, I heartily agree.

A girl I used to work with was in a car accident. She wasn't wearing a set belt along with another passenger, they both lost their lives at 22 yes old. The people wearing seatbelts survived.

How incredibly selfish of her. She does realise its not only her life she is putting at risk but the lives of others in the car and on the road. Shes literally a missile if she crashes at speed. As others have said I would show her car crash videos with people NOT wearing seatbelts and after that ring the police. It might seem harsh but it WILL save her life and more importantly the lives of other innocent people.

Reminds me of Princess Diana.

The late Princess Diana, that is.

Do you know anyone who has died because they weren’t wearing a seatbelt?

No thought not.