How can I deal with my adult daughter refusing to wear a seatbelt?

[IdaSpare]

Please help, I'm at the end of my tether, my 21 year old daughter who will not wear a seatbelt either driving or as a passenger. She was always brought up to wear it and everyone else in the family always wears one. I think it's a sensory thing as she has always been very difficult about changing clothes or dealing with zips and labels etc but if she is going to drive a car, she has to wear it. It's quite unusual for me to be in a car with her anymore but every time recently I have been, I've had to tell her to put it on. I know she goes straight back to not wearing one when I'm not there. I've resorted to threatening to call the police on her myself but short of taking her keys off her I don't know what to do. I'm hoping I can show her this and she can realise how reckless and stupid she's being. Please, if any of you have any pearls of wisdom to share about dealing with a stubborn, know it all daughter, I'd be so grateful.

She is very much putting other people in danger.

Does this spill over into other aspects of your D’s life? Trying to understand why she feels this way about it…

Yeah, I feel public safety warnings from the past are the go to here, and if she is financially motivated, warn her of the penalty for driving without a seatbelt.

Hi OP - I've just sent you a PM about a situation personal to me that I don't feel comfortable sharing here but may help you.

My neurospicy child refused to wear a seatbelt when he was younger.

I used to live in a quiet close with a straight but of road outside my house. I think he was about 5 or 6 when he started refusing. I put his older sister in the car (seatbelt on), but he refused the seatbelt.

So, I drove up to about 4mph and then did an emergency stop. Even at 4mph he ended up in the footwell but his sister, obviously, was fine.I’d imagine a heavier adult might uncomfortably meet the dashboard…

He has worn his seatbelt ever since. I know it is a sensory issue for him but, once he learned about momentum, he’s tolerated it,

He is now almost 18 and learning to drive himself. Seatbelts aren’t a problem.

Unless you live out in the sticks
I belive the stret cameras will pick it up that she is not wearing a S/Belt.
Also traffic police are quiet hot on this so she will keep getting fines etc. That's if shes lucky to escape a crash that could seriously injure or kill her.

Does she own her car and pay all the expenses?

They spend a lot of time on preventing road accidents in our area-speed traps, checking random people for drink driving, and random checks on tyres etc.
So if they're stopping people who have done nothing wrong ( I admit when I have to get to work, it's annoying to be pulled over when I don't drink-drive and all the other things, but I get they're trying to be proactive) then what's different about this, when the person actually is doing something wrong?

I'd rather she be killed than some poor innocent person... sounds harsh, don't give a shit about selfish people like her. Ops daughter is an irresponsible twat that doesn't deserve the privilege to be driving. I hope she gets caught

Really?? They just randomly pull you over in your area for a breath test?

They can’t do that, in England and Wales you have to do something wrong to be pulled over. Next time you’re pulled over and done nothing wrong and breath tested I’d make a formaL complaint. They need to have a reasonable suspicion you’re DUI.

I live in South London and driving for 44 years, never been breath tested, nor my husband or sons, or as far as I’m aware any of my wider family. So lot sure why you’re area they’re breath testing so prolifically! Where do you live?

Not sure why not wearing a seatbelt would cause an accident like speeding does, so can’t see why stopping someone not wearing a seatbelt would prevent an accident.

That’s not true. Police can stop any vehicle for any reason and that could include wanting to see your licence. They run police check areas where we live & pull in anyone who takes their fancy, and anyone who flags on the ANPR.

If you don’t smell of alcohol, they won’t suspect drink driving and breath test.

And road safety campaigns are about preventing road deaths. Ofc a seatbelt is central to that.

Sorry but it is true, they have to have reasonable cause to think you’re DUI.

And not wearing a seatbelt does not cause accidents.

The police can pull you over for any reason.
I didn’t say they could randomly pull people for DUI.
I also didn’t say not wearing a seatbelt causes accidents.

Have you had a ‘WTF is wrong with you?’, properly rain the fires of hell down talk with her? I know that’s not a popular parenting style on MN, but she’s being ridiculous.

I was responding to the previous post where the PP said she gets pulled over and breathalysed. I thought you were keeping on topic.

Silly me!!

I’ll quote you as you are presenting yourself as a little confused. You stated:
in England and Wales you have to do something wrong to be pulled over.

I was advising you that you were wrong.

I wasn’t taking the thread off topic, I was correcting you. That’s not the same thing.

No one is saying that not wearing a seat belt causes accidents but that it is one of the fatal four causes of road deaths, the other three being speeding, alcohol/drugs and mobile phones. When police do these operations you have to pull over but unless there is a suspicion of drink driving the breath test is voluntary. If someone is prepared to drive without wearing their seat belt what else are they prepared to ignore?

”sighs” I was responding to the PP claiming she gets routinely breath tested! I hope that makes my response clear?

You don’t get randomly breath tested as she claimed!

I don’t think in this case there has been any correlation between not wearing her seatbelt and other foolish behaviour. But only OP can answer that.

It’s so hard when kids reach adulthood and make stupid decisions that we can’t prevent. All you can do is keeping talking to her, and showing her films on YouTube. There must be some showing crash tests of people with and without seatbelts.

I crashed my car badly once. I swerved to avoid a pot hole, over-corrected and lost control, and smashed into a tree . I have no memory from that point, but looking at the position of the car, it must have hit the tree, bounced back on to the road, spun around and ended up backwards in a ditch. Front and rear windscreens were both broken, and the contents of the car were all over the road, a significant distance from the car. My toddler’s buggy, which had been in the boot, was about 10 metres away. As long as I live I’ll never forget the moment the car stopped, and I turned around to look at my toddler in the back seat, not knowing what I’d see. But he was not injured at all, and I just had grazes on my knees where they hit the dashboard, and a bit of whiplash. Without doubt, our seatbelts saved our lives.

Not the worst suggestion in the world though. Probably the least damaging way to FAFO.

Op could just break hard. Say " oh just missed a squirrel "

If she has sensory issues would post on Sen pages asking if others know of solutions. I k know Amazon sells padding to soften you can add.

Which idiot told you that? Firstly, it’s a non-endorsable offence and secondly, the passenger is over 14 so they face the punishment and not the driver.

You shouldn’t be braking for squirrels in the first place 😁