How can I deal with my adult daughter refusing to wear a seatbelt?

[IdaSpare]

Please help, I'm at the end of my tether, my 21 year old daughter who will not wear a seatbelt either driving or as a passenger. She was always brought up to wear it and everyone else in the family always wears one. I think it's a sensory thing as she has always been very difficult about changing clothes or dealing with zips and labels etc but if she is going to drive a car, she has to wear it. It's quite unusual for me to be in a car with her anymore but every time recently I have been, I've had to tell her to put it on. I know she goes straight back to not wearing one when I'm not there. I've resorted to threatening to call the police on her myself but short of taking her keys off her I don't know what to do. I'm hoping I can show her this and she can realise how reckless and stupid she's being. Please, if any of you have any pearls of wisdom to share about dealing with a stubborn, know it all daughter, I'd be so grateful.

Nope. Anyone over 14 is responsible for their own seatbelt use. Suggest you check YOUR facts.

Red Asphalt. It is American (and going back decades), but it still applies.
And all the injuries and deaths in it are real. No fake ones.

In my own experience, after being on this planet just over 60 years, I have personally known at least 2 people who have been decapitated in road accidents. It ENDED their lives. Christopher Lee, a lovely lad I went to school with, in our hometown, on his bike, when we were still teenagers I'm pretty sure; and Pete-Pete, my little cousin, at the other side of the world, c12 August 1988. The damage is real.

You don't go anywhere with her unless she buckles up and if you know she's driving on her own without one then you call the police. She'll hate you for it so I wouldn't be inclined to tell her thats your plan or continue to threaten her with this. Points and a fine is far better than a death/life changing injuries.....

Upper case letters and driving since 1983 still don’t make you right.

Over the age of 14 and they’re responsible for themselves.

I suggest you go and check your facts. Maybe brush up on the highway code at the same time, that’s also changed a lot.

When I was 17 a friend went through the windscreen of her dads car and smashed her face on the bonnet. (He was driving). She broke every bone in her face, was in hospital for months while everything was wired back into almost the same place, and when she came out no one recognised her.

No way would I drive anyone anywhere without a seatbelt on.

I'd call the Police, I think.

Sooner or later, unfortunately, she's likely to have an accident.

Be it small or large, her fault or not, it will result in her being more hurt than she would be with a belt on.

Time for her to grow up and stick to the law, like everyone else.

It’s illegal not to wear a seatbelt, £100 on the spot fine rising later if no payment. If she habitually drives without one sooner or later she will get caught.

How did she manage her lessons and test?

I use a seatbelt cover because being a short woman with a moley neck, male-centric "adjustable" seatbelts are perfectly designed to rub my neck sore. Not wearing them is not an option.

If it was my child, I'd regularly spam them with public information videos and not facilitate them driving.

Passengers aged 14 and over: The individual passengers are legally responsible for themselves. If they choose not to wear a seatbelt, they are personally liable for the offence. 1, 2, 3]

why oh why don’t people check facts before embarrassing themselves

A couple of options -
buy a seat belt gizmo that realign where the seat belt fits across the body (I bought some - they're basically a rectangle that folds in 3 with strong velcro. You wrap it round the seat belt near the clip and move it across your abdomen into position once you've clipped in.)

• Show her videos of crashes with people with no seat belts.
• Don't allow her to sit behind anyone in the car, she could kill them in a crash or better still refuse to drive until she buckles up.
• lose her car keys.

She might qualify for a medical exemption for sensory issues. She should speak to her GP. They can also advise on safe ways to adapt seatbelts to prevent issues.

Yet her sensory issues did not apply during her lessons and test?

Yes, agreed. Maybe the fact she could
kill someone else, as well as herself, might help drive the point home. Good luck and sorry for the worry this is causing you.

How do you know?

Highway Code Rule 99
You MUST wear a seat belt in cars, vans and other goods vehicles if one is fitted (see table below). Adults, and children aged 14 years and over, MUST use a seat belt or child restraint, where fitted, when seated in minibuses, buses and coaches. Exemptions are allowed for the holders of medical exemption certificates and those making deliveries or collections in goods vehicles when travelling less than 50 metres (approx 162 feet). ...

(taken from highwaycode.org btw and THEIR caps, not MINE.)

... Seat belt requirements. This table summarises the main legal requirements for wearing seat belts in cars, vans and other goods vehicles. ...

Laws

• Road Traffic Act 1988: Sections 14 & 15
• The Motor Vehicles (Wearing of Seat Belts) Regulations 1993
• The Motor Vehicles (Wearing of Seat Belts by Children in Front Seats) Regulations 1993
• The Motor Vehicles (Wearing of Seat Belts) (Amendment) Regulations 2006

Seat belt requirements. This table summarises the main legal requirements for wearing seat belts in cars, vans and other goods vehicles.

Front seat
Rear seat
Who is responsible?

Driver
Seat belt MUST be worn if fitted
–
Driver
Child under 3 years of age
Correct child restraint MUST be used
Correct child restraint MUST be used. If one is not available in a taxi, may travel unrestrained.

Driver
Child from 3rd birthday up to 1.35 metres in height (or 12th birthday, whichever they reach first)
Correct child restraint MUST be used
Correct child restraint MUST be used where seat belts fitted. MUST use adult belt if correct child restraint is not available in a licensed taxi or private hire vehicle, or for reasons of unexpected necessity over a short distance, or if two occupied restraints prevent fitment of a third.

Driver
Child over 1.35 metres (approx 4ft 5ins) in height or 12 or 13 years
Seat belt MUST be worn if available
Seat belt MUST be worn if available

Driver
Adult passengers aged 14 and over
Seat belt MUST be worn if available
Seat belt MUST be worn if available

Sorry. I've had a really arsey day/week/month/year/decade/life. I did not mean to come across as arsey, but I did. My bad.

The above guidance, taken online from highway code, does indicate that the Driver Is Responsible for ensuring that any child From Age 14 wears a seatbelt.

Maybe I've been super clued up on this cos my kid was so tall she was out of a kid car seat and in a seatbelt from the age of about 12, if not earler (it's all a bit of a blur...)

A few years ago 2 lads stole a car and crashed it driving into a barn by the side of a road. Neither were wearing seatbelts. One was flung head first into the back wall of the barn and died. The other flew through the window and ended up on the bonnet of the car. The impact of the car driving into the main pillar of the barn dislodged a solid stone beam which fell onto the boy who was on the bonnet of the car and crushed him.
Both would have survived if they had been wearing seatbelts.

Not wearing one is a danger to other drivers. Fine if she wants to kill her self or end up horribly disfigured or disabled but when her body is flying through the air and bouncing off other people’s wind screens or they are trying to avoid driving over her as she lies in the middle of the road unable to get out of the way of oncoming vehicles and they get into a collision or worse end up killing themselves or their own passengers. Her stupidity will be at fault

I actually think she should have her licence suspended until she is able to go out and put her seatbelt on

I remember the time before compulsory seatbelts
So many needless deaths

So you’re wrong then? Because nothing you’ve quoted there says it’s the drivers responsibility over the age of 14!

The part you conveniently missed from
the HIghway Code is:-

Adults travelling in the rear of a car must also use seatbelts, if they're fitted. It's the responsibility of the adult passenger (not the driver) to make sure that they are using the seatbelt.

It’s stating a belt must be worn if available, which no one is disputing. No where is it saying that the driver is responsible, in fact it clearly states they’re not.

No excuse to be “arsey”, you didn’t come across as being “arsey”, you are “arsey” and wrong.

Stop doubling down, it’s embarrassing.

And if it’s a blur, then don’t talk nonsense and state it’s fact? Save yourself the embarrassment and check it first. Your memory is certainly blurred.

Amazing isn’t it!

She'll have a sensory thing when she's been catapulted through the windscreen!! I went to school with someone who was a passenger in a car that lost control, he was only 15, wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was thrown from the car onto the road into the path of an oncoming car. He died at the scene. Absolutely tragic.

I also witnessed an horrific crash a few years ago where a car overtook us and accelerated into a cross roads when the light was on red, the car hit an oncoming car, spun and threw the passenger (who wasnt wearing a seat belt) into the traffic light pole. We initially thought he was dead, but then there was a flicker of life when his finger switched. His legs looked like they had been spun 180 and were on backwards. We were in the car with our children and my husband ran over to help etc, when he came back he just said "that man has just lost his legs, there's nothing left below his knees". Unfortunately we found out from the police later when giving statements he had lost both above the knee, he was 30.

Your daughter is utterly stupid, wear a seatbelt ffs.

Her car must be beeping and sounding terrible. That alone would be distracting and not best for her concentration.

Keep only starting the car once her seat belt is clicked. Refuse to allow her to be your driver.
Go into you local Police Station and discuss. Ask them to pull her over.

A fine and a stern talking to is not as damaging as a broken back and smashed face and head.

I’d buy her a will kit and ask her to get her affairs in order.

I’d also suggest she ups her medical insurance for plastic surgery.

I’d tell her to cancel any aspects of her car insurance that cover the driver as it will be void and a waste of money.

She should also realise her life insurance and income protection is also voided for not obeying the law.

Finally I’d report her to the police non emergency line.

What a selfish little idiot.

She is a 21 year old adult.

If she has ths capacity learn to drive and to pass her test then surely she must understand about road safety?

Is she actually competent in other aspects of her life?

I would report her to the police for her own safety.

"Kids at 21" are adults. She should know better. 'Sensory issues' is banded about far too often these days as an excuse for non-compliance.