Would You Be Ok With This Sex Life?

[PhoebeBuffay1234]

As the title says. Do you think you would be happy if your sex life with your spouse of 21 years consisted of it being once a week, pretty much at the same time and often the same routine? I’m 50, he’s a couple of years younger.

I ask because this is what mine and DH’s has become and quite frankly, I’m just bored with it. The reason it has become like this is because of his recent fitness boom. He literally has no energy for anything else. It’s not like it’s because of work or anything that can’t be changed. He doesn’t see a problem but I do because I just feel part of a routine. It’s not even the amount really - it’s more that it’s not ever spontaneous.

Kids are all late teens so not tied up with being in the trenches with little ones.

I just wondered if I was asking too much.

Be thankful - no more of that rubbish!

Yes, perfectly happy.

So you want him to want sex when you want sex and he’s awful for not wanting it when you do?
it’s mn so you’ll be a poor soul, whereas if you were posting about your male partner whinging about once a week sex not being enough you’d be told he was a sexual abuser

It doesn't much matter whether anyone else would be happy with this because you are not.

I don't really understand how his fitness efforts are making him so tired - you'd expect the opposite.

Can you talk to him about it? It is delicate so it can be hard to communicate your dissatisfaction without causing offence and upset but life is too short to be dissatisfied.

No, I would not. But I only discovered fantastic sex last year and can’t get enough of it.

However, yours is the only opinion that matters.

What do YOU want?

Or if you switch it around, he wants me to want sex when he wants it and I’m awful for for not being as excited about the fact it’s routine.

What I really want is us to want sex together. And as I said, it’s not the once a week that bothers me so much, it’s the predictability. It puts me off. So if I don’t feel like doing it when he wants to then we’ll end up not doing it at all, I suppose.

Thank you. I thought that the fitness would increase his stamina somewhat too. But it’s taken over his life to the point it’s every day, sometimes twice and often really early. The consequence is he’s always knackered when he’s at home.

It is more the feeling that it only happens when he can ‘fit me in’ as well. I suppose I just want a bit more spontaneity. I can try and talk to him but as you say, it’s a delicate thing to talk about!

Thank you! I suppose I just want it to be a bit more spontaneous. I’m not unhappy with the actual sex - that’s still good - I just want it to not just be Sunday night.

I get what you're saying, you feel like it's a once a week thing to check off, like putting the bins out rather than something you're both "into" and is a bit more dynamic?

I wouldn't be overly chuffed with feeling like a weekly service that was fitting in around work and excercise, no.

You must be doing it wrong

It’s exactly this! It makes me quite sad really as we were always spontaneous etc previously.

Speak for yourself. Some of us are enjoying it still!

He’s probably ramping up the fitness to glow up for another woman and then shagging her so much he doesn’t need to do it with you too.
Men don’t tend to pick up the pace fitness wise for no reason out of the blue at that age so much ..

I can appreciate that this might be a difficult topic to raise in a conversation, but could you perhaps take some of the points you're raising here and put them in a text to your DH? Tell him that if he wants to talk to you about it, that's fine, but that you'd really just like to rekindle that spontaneous sexual attraction that you both once found in each other (or something like that).

Not sure how you manage it to be so predictable with teenagers in your home OP?? Surely they're up and about at all different hours, coming and going to parties, nights out, gigs etc. We are spontaneous as we have two primary aged and two teenagers at home and get on with it whenever we get a chance! There isn't any chance for it to be predictable on a set day.

As a side note gym every day or twice a day is obsessive. And a bit selfish if it means everything else gets squeezed.

Me personally - I could cope I guess, but I would masturbate a lot. There’s nothing wrong with that except that like a pp I’ve discovered what a difference it makes having orgasms with my partner recently and I’m not keen to give that up. I think it would make us feel less connected over time tbh.

What's he doing that's wearing him out. Tell him sex is the breakfast of champions

Yeah I wouldn't be happy with scheduled sex. Once a week seems pretty normal but on a set day and time? That is odd and I wouldn't feel like I was desired tbh.

It was a health scare that came after his dad’s death. But I like your optimism!😁

All that matters is you're not happy with it. How does it help you if I was happy or unhappy with that situation?

One is at uni and the other goes to the gym on a Sunday evening. Luckily for me!😏

I think I just wondered if it was normal at our age.

I also don’t understand how increased exercise can reduce his sex drive. Exercise gives you more energy and more body confidence.

No, not at all!

Late 50's & mid 60's here (how?? I'm sure I was only 16 yesterday!! 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️)

& despite my quite significant medical event & his health issues we are more spontaneous, more than once per week & it's not the same everytime.

I'd be talking to him! You can't let this drive you apart xx