Would You Be Ok With This Sex Life?

[PhoebeBuffay1234]

As the title says. Do you think you would be happy if your sex life with your spouse of 21 years consisted of it being once a week, pretty much at the same time and often the same routine? I’m 50, he’s a couple of years younger.

I ask because this is what mine and DH’s has become and quite frankly, I’m just bored with it. The reason it has become like this is because of his recent fitness boom. He literally has no energy for anything else. It’s not like it’s because of work or anything that can’t be changed. He doesn’t see a problem but I do because I just feel part of a routine. It’s not even the amount really - it’s more that it’s not ever spontaneous.

Kids are all late teens so not tied up with being in the trenches with little ones.

I just wondered if I was asking too much.

I wouldn't be happy with a week's gap.

That's sad for you - definitely have a conversation about it with him or just try turning him on! Walk around in nice lingerie and get on your own fitness drive! Haha men are quite easy to turn on, to be fair. They are visual so get the heels out! Or find out if he has a crush on a superhero or film character and dress up as them. It will work for you too when you watch him get excited!

I can’t believe the number of people who see dressing up as a solution to these things.

If you’re not happy, you’re not happy. Sorry for the tautology. It probably doesn’t seem helpful. But, I think you get a very skewed insight into what people’s sex lives are like in middle age onwards on here. There are always loads of posts about married people doing it five times a week in their seventies or leaving their spouse and finding someone new they’re currently having the best sex of their lives with etc. I don’t doubt these are true but I don’t think it really means that this is the norm. I very much suspect it’s the other way around and these people are the outliers. I honestly think people these days are generally very unrealistic about what they expect from their romantic/ sex lives as they get into their fifties, sixties and onwards. Maybe it’s because of clever marketing on the part of whoever makes Viagra etc. I don’t know. But the fact is, a lot of people slow down after around forty. ED is incredibly common. It gets more common with each decade after the thirties. ED meds are easily available but not always effective or suitable. People get health problems. They have less energy. I think it’s very unfortunate that fluctuating hormones in women combined with dwindling hormone levels in men and lots of other factors on both sides can easily lead to a mismatch in libido which can cause a lot of distress in relationships. Especially if one person is interpreting a drop off in libido as a sign that there partner has lost interest in them as a person and this may not be the case. You need to talk to your husband.
I would imagine that in reality, once a week is above average and it’s possible your husband is just slowing down a bit. I mean, if you think of it this way, if a fifty ish yo man goes to his doctor and says There must be something wrong with me, I only want sex weekly, what do you think they would say? Probably, Sounds normal enough 🤷‍♀️
I would be concerned about the excessive exercising and fatigue. Could he be doing too much as a grief response/ out of anxiety?

Totally agree! Even that would be too much for me 😅