Dd stormed out leaving me with her baby

[doubleredbull]

I really don't know what to do for the best for the situation im in, and this may be a bit of a long one.

So, at 13 my daughter started a new school, she's summer born and she struggled to make friends due to established friendship groups. When she did make friends it was ones in the wrong crowd. Her older brother was struggling with his MH so perhaps I took some attention away from her but it was a real juggling act

Her behaviour got worse when she got a bf, she was a lovely girl but very naive and easily led, he was 14 at the time (and dd later turned 14) and pretty much left to his own devices as his mum had a new family. DD’s behaviour got worse after this, he seemed to project all of his attitude onto her and she started acting like I was the worst, bunking off school, smoking weed and being so mean to me and wasn't a nice person to be around. Grounding did nothing, she'd storm out anyway.

Fast forward to last year just after school finished for the summer holidays, dd and her boyfriend went missing and long story short, I found out dd was pregnant. She knew but didn't tell me because i’d “try and control her” she was 25wks but baby was healthy on scans etc and social services didn't seem to have any concerns.

She turned 15 later in the summer and she gave birth in October, he's just turned 7 months old and he's great. She's currently going into school sit her GCSEs so I am helping out briefly whilst she revises and goes into school but I've made it clear after this he's all hers as I have other dc to look after and im studying myself and working pt.

Her bf has really grown up in his defence, he turned 16 just before my gs was born and he got a job whilst also sitting his exams and he talks a lot about wanting to be a good role model for grandson.

I made it clear that dd had to be on some form of contraception if she wanted the bf over to help with baby and she agreed to the pill. Rightly or wrongly I allow him to sleep over whenever as its just not worth the fight with dd I check with her she's taken it and she says yes she has. I'm not naive and I know they're having sex so I've also provided condoms. I know this will be judged by some but either way they would and i’d rather avoid a 2nd child.

However, a few days ago she admitted to me her period was late but was adamant she had been taking the pill. It turns out that she had missed quite a few days but they were using condoms (apparently) I told her if she can’t be sensible he can’t stay over at all (id already banned him the night before exams) as she knows how babies are made and she wants to go to college etc, she then twisted my words and said I implied my grandson was a mistake and ruined dd’s life which I didn't say.

Thankfully dd’s period has came and she came to me this evening and asked if he can stay over and she's not pregnant and neither of them have an exam tomorrow, I said no not after how she's spoke to me the past few days and she carried on asking and saying how she has cramps and he's teething and hasn't slept much the past few days not even naps and said he missed his dad (despite seeing him in the day yesterday). I stuck to a firm no as it's my house at the end of the day and she's spoken to me like crap

She then threw a tantrum and called me controlling and said she won't sit the rest of her exams then and stormed off leaving me with a crying screaming baby who won't sleep and while he has calmed down he's not asleep

Dd is ignoring my texts

I'm at my wits end

Oh dear. That's all us women who started our parenting journeys successfully at15 or under, and all the generations before us, and cultures across the world, who've done it alone, told then.😂
I'll let my lot know they must have just darn well parented themselves...

She needs awakeup call. Can baby go to a relative? When waste of space turns up, say baby has been fostered. See her reaction

oh wow she's doing her best, the OP isn't as many have said on here they find it hard despite being 10-20 years older than the daughter. She went out for a few hours to avoid another argument and to be honest the only one i see acting as an adult is the father of the baby and the mother of the baby

You just called a 15 year old girl who is coping with a teething baby and exams "a waste of space"? For leaving her baby with a responsible grandparent for a few hours? And suggesting that OP pretends her grandson has been fostered to further distress her daughter?

Congratulations, that is the nastiest thing I've read on MN for some considerable time.

@BeaPerry hmm, some inconsistencies in which of the two young parents is older and especially in when DGS was born (Feb 2026 vs Oct 2025).

You are talking sbout a human baby. It's not like taking away her XBox ffs. What a disgusting post.

Agreed.

I'm glad you said that. I vividly remember the induction thread and was sure it was a lot more recent than 7/8 months ago.

I’m not the OP of those threads.

My point is that an adult would find this difficult, let alone a child. I’m sure many 14 year olds have slip ups and are lucky to get away with it & not have it result in something so life altering. And honestly even my mum had my baby over night a few times in the first year of my baby’s life when I was struggling and I’m not a child. I’m not saying she should, but there seems to be a serious lack of sympathy for her on here. It’s tough on both sides obviously.

I do think that a serious conversation needs to be had about her going on the implant when she’s back. Obviously more parenting was needed before she got into this situation, but it’s done now.

Apologies, I stand corrected 👍👍

Well what can the Op do? She is trying to study and then work - surely it’s better her doing that and hopefully earning enough to support her family financially because a 15/16 yo sure as hell won’t be able to, even with part time jobs.

I am clearly an outlier - I had a pregnancy scare at 15 (before anyone judges, I had no choice in the matter).

but there would have been no question of keeping it anyway because I was at school and knew it would mean sleepless nights etc.

Getting pregnant can happen of course. But she actively chose to become a mother by running away until she was way past the time she could have had an abortion.

I don’t think a panicking 14 year old can be said to have actively chosen anything.

I'm sorry OP, you sound like a lovely mum and don't deserve the stress of this. Kindly, if she doesn't appreciate the impact this early child will have on her life then she may well continue to have more children early. It's a difficult one as she's still a child herself, is there a chance you can refer back to social services in the case of another pregnancy? They should also be made aware of the fact she is neglecting her son by leaving you with him. I know no one likes to get SS involved especially not with their own family but this is why they exist after all. The welfare of both your daughter and her son are the most important things here.

I wouldn't tolerate her being rude to me. I wouldn't tolerate her disrespecting me in my home. I wouldn't tolerate her walking out and leaving me to parent her child because she's having a tantrum. It's her kid and her responsibility. Now, if she actually communicated and asked for some time, that would be a different thing. She's made all these decisions and she has to live with them. If that means living separately because she doesn't like the rules then so be it.

OP, please disregard some of the unkind comments from previous posters about your DD. I think looking after a baby and still committing to GCSEs is admirable. DD sounds like she has hit a limit of how much she can cope with in terms of stress, and every mother knows that feeling. I had my baby at the other end of the age spectrum at 37 and found the lack of sleep debilitating even with the support of DP. I remember going to my DMs house one afternoon, handing her my baby and promptly falling asleep in her sofa for two hours. We all need help.

Can you get in touch with your health visitor fairly urgently and ask what other help might be available? Personally I feel there should be some support/childcare available in your unique situation to get you over the GCSE hump. There are two children to safeguard here, your DD and DGS, and the baby's father, so I feel there might be services you can access.

Some of the comments on this thread leave me unsurprised that DD is not taking DGS out places. I wonder if the health visitor might also be able to support with that. Might there be a group of young mums who meet up? My friend is a health visitor and has facilitated teenage mums to attend groups/go swimming with their babies etc.

The contraceptive issue is tricky but again, might her health visitor discuss this with your DD? I am not sure I have ever willingly taken my own DMs advice (sorry Mum) but would have listened to someone less close to the situation.

In respect to her boyfriend staying over, it is very much your house and your rules. However, when help is needed with DGS it seems only fair that he provides some. When exams are over and contraception is more secure, perhaps he could stay over a bit more and provide moral and actual support. I think it is also admirable that, at 16, he is involved and contributing financially in his own way. Many older fathers could learn from his example.

Lastly, OP, well done you. You sound like you have provided an environment where DD feels she can raise a baby at such a young age and I am sure you have been a huge support. She might not express this sentiment now because she sounds 15, exhausted and doing exams, but try not to take her words to heart. She might just be really struggling. I have friends with children doing GCSEs at the moment who are losing their cool with their parents having barely looked after themselves after a full night's sleep. It's a really tricky time. I think you are all doing a really good job in the circumstances but feel you need to ask for some more help from your health visitor/doctor/social services to provide extra support.

She has a child of her own so that ship has sailed. You can’t just walk out on a baby and expect someone else to look after it. Ultimatum time. She steps up, gets her arse back and looks after her baby or you’ll call social services.

She had options. She ran away from them. She either faces up to her responsibility or puts the baby up for adoption. The main focus here is what’s best for the child.

Hi. I can't see any mention of it, but surely your daughter has social services involvement?

Did you agree to any formal child rearing?

I can't imagine that social services would allow a baby to go home to a 15 year old without a lof of supervision.

The baby needs a lot more than it is currently getting. Are you prepared to become a kinship carer and raise the child on your own if she opts out?

I suggest you contact the Family Rights Network and get some advice.

The possibility is that things will drag on with her being irresponsible and not meeting the baby's needs, which will have a huge impact on baby's development. Eventually services will act. You need to be ahead of the curve and make long term plans for this child.

Are you a parent or a professional who works with children at all?

Yes. Why ? Do you disagree ? She got pregnant, went through with the pregnancy and she can’t just abandon the baby (even for a few hours if that inconveniences someone else) and have a strop. The baby is the focus here, it has needs that the mother is not meeting, and it’s fairly clear that if there isn’t social services involvement now, there soon will be. Better to do that voluntarily and ask for help than wait until the situation escalates.

Things get pretty fraught with teenagers around exam times even without any other factors. It’s a tricky couple of weeks at the best of times - they need support, good boundaries but also a bit of leeway when the stress gets the better of them. That’s without any other complications so I really feel for you op.

I would try and just ride this one out. It isn’t the time for ultimatums or big sweeping changes. Give it a couple of weeks until the exams are over, and grit your teeth until then.

You’ve worked out your boundaries regarding the amount of help and support that you’re willing to provide to dd and gs. Try and come along side her a bit more if you can. With any 15 year old there’s a bit of scaffolding as they take on more responsibilities. She’s bound to have some wobbles. She’s still young enough to need a lot more parenting,

It’s quite a sad situation that she was neglected because of her two high needs siblings, and her reaction was to create a baby who pushes her needs firmly to the bottom of the pile. And you’re on your own juggling all of this. I wish I could give you both a big hug.

You think the baby’s mother is acting like an adult by going off in a strop and leaving the baby with its grandmother ?