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Do you think you're pretty? Does it affect your life either way?

163 replies

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:17

I've come to terms with my looks but I used to think i was UGLY - and I wasn't, I was pretty tbh

I owe thanks to the boys in my school for calling me fat and 'butters' (i'm a londoner)

20 years later and their prophecy fulfilled itself - on my weight loss journey 😭

Anyway - i'm watching Zara Larsson. Lots of kids in her audience singing 'i'm so pretty'

Do you tell your daughters theyre pretty? Does it matter to you?

OP posts:
December2025 · 23/05/2026 21:25

I'm absolutely average and have never suffered from it.
My daughter gets told she's clever and funny and brave aswell as I tell her she's pretty.

Somethingbland · 23/05/2026 21:37

It just shows how ineffectual the feminist movement has been when women's greatest value to society is still measured by how good looking they are.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:47

Somethingbland · 23/05/2026 21:37

It just shows how ineffectual the feminist movement has been when women's greatest value to society is still measured by how good looking they are.

I'll be honest, since gaining weight and losing my looks, my life has changed for the worse

The opportunities and respect go to women who look good

I'm reminded of one of my fave quotes

Do you think you're pretty? Does it affect your life either way?
OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:48

December2025 · 23/05/2026 21:25

I'm absolutely average and have never suffered from it.
My daughter gets told she's clever and funny and brave aswell as I tell her she's pretty.

I'm glad you havent suffered honestly - why do you think that is?

I tell my dd she is pretty every day, and i follow it up with smart etc - I think girls need to know theyre everything, but pretty included

OP posts:
HardFuckingBird · 23/05/2026 21:48

I used to be morbidly obese and was absolutely judged and shamed for my weight.

I'm now a healthy BMI and my looks don't play a big part in my life. I look pleasant enough but I'm not a great beauty. Suits me very well - I've never experienced being valued for my appearance, so I won't miss it as I get older. I tend to find that men and women alike judge me on my personality and attitude rather than making assumptions based on how I look.

That said, I do look stereotypically middle-class in the way I dress and present myself, and I think that has helped me in my career (as a member of a traditional profession, working with high net worth private clients).

MegMortimer · 23/05/2026 21:50

I think I used to be more or less ok-ish when I was younger. I think I might have felt more confident generally if I thought I was pretty when I was younger.

December2025 · 23/05/2026 21:50

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:48

I'm glad you havent suffered honestly - why do you think that is?

I tell my dd she is pretty every day, and i follow it up with smart etc - I think girls need to know theyre everything, but pretty included

Quite frankly I don't mix with people who would judge somebody on their looks. And I don't need to be validated by my looks so I couldn't give two hoots what people think. I'm just a normal woman.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:51

HardFuckingBird · 23/05/2026 21:48

I used to be morbidly obese and was absolutely judged and shamed for my weight.

I'm now a healthy BMI and my looks don't play a big part in my life. I look pleasant enough but I'm not a great beauty. Suits me very well - I've never experienced being valued for my appearance, so I won't miss it as I get older. I tend to find that men and women alike judge me on my personality and attitude rather than making assumptions based on how I look.

That said, I do look stereotypically middle-class in the way I dress and present myself, and I think that has helped me in my career (as a member of a traditional profession, working with high net worth private clients).

I think this is a fair point - do you think that whatever your appearance, youre always considered 'one of us' due to your class background?

Congratulations on the weight loss xx

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 23/05/2026 21:53

I’m in a generation that was still being taught ‘don’t make personal remarks’. I think that can still be quite a good idea.

I think I would have struggled to build confidence in a daughter, it’s lucky I didn’t have one. I quite like the way I look but I can see from photos that I look a healthy average.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:54

December2025 · 23/05/2026 21:50

Quite frankly I don't mix with people who would judge somebody on their looks. And I don't need to be validated by my looks so I couldn't give two hoots what people think. I'm just a normal woman.

I love this x

I find that I am harshly judged on my looks, especially since losing them

But the weight gain is the worst (i'm working on it) people treat you like shit

OP posts:
HardFuckingBird · 23/05/2026 21:57

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:51

I think this is a fair point - do you think that whatever your appearance, youre always considered 'one of us' due to your class background?

Congratulations on the weight loss xx

Interestingly I went to a state school and I have a (soft) regional accent, but I then went to Oxford and am now married to a man who went to public school. I can fit in with most people and I think that is a real gift. We are sending our children to the local (nice) state school because we want them to have that same ability to get on with everyone.

But yeah, knowing how to look "smart" has undeniably helped me in my professional career.

Echobelly · 23/05/2026 22:01

Somethingbland · 23/05/2026 21:37

It just shows how ineffectual the feminist movement has been when women's greatest value to society is still measured by how good looking they are.

I think coming out of millennia of being chattel is a long process that takes a lot of work to undo.

I never thought of myself as pretty, but am also perfectly happy with that. I didn't want people to say 'Nooo, but you are so pretty!', because it shouldn't be 'sad' for a woman not to think herself pretty. Like no one asks men to 'feel beautiful', so why demand it of women? I don't think I'm unattractive, but kind of an acquired taste - and thank God for that because I had very little harassment and trouble with blokes compared to most young women, it seems. I haven't noticed 'middle aged invisibility' as I was always happily invisible anyway, looks-wise. TBH I think I am in a happy middle - people often forget that harassment isn't always 'compliments'; some women experience men telling them they are ugly, unf*ckable, pigs etc - I was neither 'pretty' enough to get 'compliments' nor 'ugly' enough for men to come after me for not looking like I was 'supposed to'

Like @December2025 I never really mixed with people who judged others' looks, which helped.

Always made efforts with oldest DC not to focus on looks but character, accomplishment, intelligence etc. I wasn't going to bite the head off anyone who used language about looks, but wanted to provide a counterbalance at least.

Allonthesametrain · 23/05/2026 22:02

I was quite pretty (was told many times I was though not model type looks) but not naturally slim like most other girls seemed to be. Being a bit more chunky, small, solid build, not overweight, I always felt 'fat' and covered up my body. I didn't go to as many parties when very young as I didn't feel I had anything to wear that looked goodnon me like the other girls.

Once I got over that and started going out I became more confident. I was told some
Comments that were derogatory about my build and they hurt! I was a bit shy and when handsome blokes showed interest I wouldn't take it further because I did feel body shame.

Looking back I think wtf, I wasn't fat at all, but felt it. Xx

CerseisWig · 23/05/2026 22:08

I've always been aesthetically beautiful. Just lucky genes. I still am in my 50s. But if that was all people liked me for I'd be gutted. My friendly personality and love of people is what makes me who I am. I'm the gatherer of people. I love getting people together to make them less lonely. I love people.

My face is aging and will continue to do so. But our personalities are what makes us. Think of the most interesting people you know. It isn't the fact they're nice to look at. It's how you feel in their presence. Are you seen? Are you heard?
Aesthetics are inconsequential. It's the peron(ality) that makes us.

Fuck looks. I'd rather be stuck in a lift with Kathy Burke than someone stunning and up themselves. Kathy is quite open about never being much of a looker. But what a personality!

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 22:15

PermanentTemporary · 23/05/2026 21:53

I’m in a generation that was still being taught ‘don’t make personal remarks’. I think that can still be quite a good idea.

I think I would have struggled to build confidence in a daughter, it’s lucky I didn’t have one. I quite like the way I look but I can see from photos that I look a healthy average.

But most of us are a healthy average

Actually not all of us are even healthy! ❤️

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 22:15

CerseisWig · 23/05/2026 22:08

I've always been aesthetically beautiful. Just lucky genes. I still am in my 50s. But if that was all people liked me for I'd be gutted. My friendly personality and love of people is what makes me who I am. I'm the gatherer of people. I love getting people together to make them less lonely. I love people.

My face is aging and will continue to do so. But our personalities are what makes us. Think of the most interesting people you know. It isn't the fact they're nice to look at. It's how you feel in their presence. Are you seen? Are you heard?
Aesthetics are inconsequential. It's the peron(ality) that makes us.

Fuck looks. I'd rather be stuck in a lift with Kathy Burke than someone stunning and up themselves. Kathy is quite open about never being much of a looker. But what a personality!

My friendly personality and love of people is what makes me who I am. I'm the gatherer of people. I love getting people together to make them less lonely. I love people.

I reckon we'd get along well x

OP posts:
mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 22:16

I LOVE Kathy Burke

OP posts:
Error404FucksNotFound · 23/05/2026 22:16

No. Im ugly. Always have been.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 22:16

Allonthesametrain · 23/05/2026 22:02

I was quite pretty (was told many times I was though not model type looks) but not naturally slim like most other girls seemed to be. Being a bit more chunky, small, solid build, not overweight, I always felt 'fat' and covered up my body. I didn't go to as many parties when very young as I didn't feel I had anything to wear that looked goodnon me like the other girls.

Once I got over that and started going out I became more confident. I was told some
Comments that were derogatory about my build and they hurt! I was a bit shy and when handsome blokes showed interest I wouldn't take it further because I did feel body shame.

Looking back I think wtf, I wasn't fat at all, but felt it. Xx

I feel the same looking back!

I feel angry at times - because of those bullies, I missed out on great sex with hot men (being serious) !!

OP posts:
Wickedlittledancer · 23/05/2026 22:17

Yes, I’m considered pretty /attractive. I can’t say how it’s impacted my life as I’ve been told it since about 14, and at that age some of my fathers friends started cracking onto me on the sly, but I’ve nothing to compare it to. I’ve always looked like this, But I’d assume some advantages and some disadvantages. More advantages,

i tell my daughter she’s pretty, gorgeous etc, yes, I believe it’s important for self esteem, I also tell her how smart and intelligent she is, how kind, and compliment her many qualities, because self esteem is about more than just looks,

but it’s part of it, and growing up never being told you’re pretty or attractive will often have a negative impact on your self esteem.

i don’t see it as the most important quality in a woman, i think intelligence, kindness etc is much more important, but i do think being confident and comfortable in your appearance is also important, as humans we judge people in seconds and how they present is part of that.

the key point id like to make though is i don’t see it as different for men, telling little boys they are handsome or good looking is also important to ensure solid self esteem,

I don’t actually believe there are any ugly people, I dislike the ease the word is used on here, however attractiveness is a scale, and much of it is presentation, hair, healthy toned body, the right clothes etc goes a long way to presenting an attractive image,

CerseisWig · 23/05/2026 22:21

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 22:16

I LOVE Kathy Burke

Me too. Have you read her autobiography? I have a friend who is so like her it's uncanny. They have a different accent though.

HoldMyWine · 23/05/2026 22:22

I’m not pretty but I don’t think I’m ugly either. I’m ok with it and try to make the best of myself.

CerseisWig · 23/05/2026 22:24

I realised my spelling was off there. But I'm on me holidays and had a few wines.
I've been making new friends all night though. 🤣

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 22:29

CerseisWig · 23/05/2026 22:24

I realised my spelling was off there. But I'm on me holidays and had a few wines.
I've been making new friends all night though. 🤣

I'm on the frozen margaritas! 😄😄😄😄

OP posts:
coneyislandoldspot · 23/05/2026 22:29

I think I have a slightly prettier than normal face. Sadly I am obese so it doesn’t really matter.

My self confidence has never, ever, been good.

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