Page 7 | Do you think you're pretty? Does it affect your life either way?

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 29/05/2026 20:44

Honestly, no. I do not think I’m pretty.

I feel ugly most of the time and as I’ve got older (I’m 39) I’ve put weight on, try even less with my hair and makeup as I feel what’s the point “in trying to polish a turd” and feel even shitter about myself. Hair is oily and I have to wash it every day. Skin is always oily and I have lines on my face. Eyesight is so bad (-11 and need varifocals) and can’t use contacts but just look horrible in my glasses.

The only man to show me any interest was my husband who I met when I was 18. We ended up dating and we got married a few years later.Even on my wedding day I felt average.

I was only ever approached before so a man could get close to my prettier friends and I actually cut contact with a “friend” as she admitted when she was drunk that she hung about with me as I made her feel better about herself as she got attention and I didn’t.

And yet, I’m a mum of a 12 year old girl and 18 year old boy and would be devastated if they spoke this way about themselves.

Gillygallygosh123 · 29/05/2026 20:46

So, I've always been told I'm pretty by friends, partners, strangers but I've never believed it 😅 I grew up being called fat and ugly by my mum and it really affected me

I've always told my daughter how kind, clever, beautiful and funny she is. And she loves herself for the most part, if I tell her she's beautiful she says " I know" 😅

Original poster

mumofoneAloneandwell · 29/05/2026 21:13

WeAreNotOutnumbered · 29/05/2026 20:28

So.

I am 53. I never thought I was pretty. I used to ask my mother when I was a little girl if she thought I was pretty and she would say 'you are interesting and that's better' or 'You have an interesting face'. I'm not sure if that was some sort of thing at the time, but it made me feel fucking ugly. Not least because when I was 17 she told me if I did well in my exams she would treat me to a nose job. Until she said that I did not know there was anything wrong with my nose.

I was criticised for my weight (still am). I was told I 'shouldn't wear that'. I was told 'Don't run, your are embarrasing yourself'. The upshot was that I honestly believed no-one would ever love me and I developed a range of eating disorders and self harm behaviours. I slept with anyone who asked because I thought sex meant love and I was desperate for love.

So, not being pretty affected my life.

I've often wondered what it's like to be pretty or beautiful. DH thinks I am beautiful, so that's good. I think about my looks every day. I avoid mirrors and shop windows. I buy clothes online because no fucking way am I going in a changing room. I would say that not feeling pretty has had huge effects on my sense of self and my sense of worth.

Oh 🥺 - that attitude from your mum was wrong!

How your comments from young affected you have been similar to me. The shit ive gone through because I thought i was ugly and worthless

the shit I've let men do to me

Never again. If it means I go overboard with my dd, then so be it

I love that your husband sees you as beautiful. Does he know what you went through? ❤️💐

OP posts:

canuckup · 29/05/2026 21:39

I'm fairly attractive

Wouldn't say pretty really, I look a bit like Meryl Streep.

What I have noticed is how men and women treat you completely differently

It's shocking.

Especially if you lose/gain weight .

TheOliveHam · 29/05/2026 21:45

No. I have an ugly face.

Happypomegranates · 29/05/2026 22:19

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/05/2026 21:17

I've come to terms with my looks but I used to think i was UGLY - and I wasn't, I was pretty tbh

I owe thanks to the boys in my school for calling me fat and 'butters' (i'm a londoner)

20 years later and their prophecy fulfilled itself - on my weight loss journey 😭

Anyway - i'm watching Zara Larsson. Lots of kids in her audience singing 'i'm so pretty'

Do you tell your daughters theyre pretty? Does it matter to you?

I don’t think I am pretty from my own opinion but I think others think I am. When I look at myself in the mirror when I’ve done my make up and think I look a bit pretty - not naturally, but when I have my hair and make up done ( which I do every day ) . I look at photos of myself that I have not taken ( ie not with a filter and a certain angle ) and think I’m ugly. But , I have an extremely attractive husband who tells me I’m beautiful every day, constantly . When I put a selfie up I get comments from people telling me I’m pretty . I get comments from work friends telling me I’m pretty and people tell my husband he has a stunning wife . I don’t see it myself , but it does help me a little . However , it’s became my thing like I feel that’s my value , which I think is a bit sad , and I feel like I can’t have an off day and I always have to have my hair and make up done , I have Botox and fillers. I worry about losing it.

Happypomegranates · 29/05/2026 22:23

Happypomegranates · 29/05/2026 22:19

I don’t think I am pretty from my own opinion but I think others think I am. When I look at myself in the mirror when I’ve done my make up and think I look a bit pretty - not naturally, but when I have my hair and make up done ( which I do every day ) . I look at photos of myself that I have not taken ( ie not with a filter and a certain angle ) and think I’m ugly. But , I have an extremely attractive husband who tells me I’m beautiful every day, constantly . When I put a selfie up I get comments from people telling me I’m pretty . I get comments from work friends telling me I’m pretty and people tell my husband he has a stunning wife . I don’t see it myself , but it does help me a little . However , it’s became my thing like I feel that’s my value , which I think is a bit sad , and I feel like I can’t have an off day and I always have to have my hair and make up done , I have Botox and fillers. I worry about losing it.

Show quote history

Wanted to add - so quoting my own quote - I can’t take the compliments the same way when it comes to my body , weight etc. My husband constantly tells me my body is amazing and if I ever moan about my weight etc I get people telling me that I look great . I 109% don’t see it and I don’t believe it - thinking of looks I think to myself I can’t be that bad because of the comments I get - but with my body I genuinely believe that people are lying to be nice , I look at my body and feel disgust but I’ve got ways I dress to flatter me and I just think to myself no matter what they say they don’t see me naked . Even though my husband does I still don’t believe it and I know he has put on a little weight ( still hot !! ) but to me he’s just my husband I love him and think he’s gorgeous so I think it must be the same for him and maybe he’s just blind to it

LarksAscending · 29/05/2026 22:32

I believe I have been given certain jobs because of my looks in the past. Or picked for certain opportunities etc because I have the right look. Can’t be proven though.

Equally, my probation officer told me she believes the judge gave me an unduly harsh sentence because of how I look. But then she was clearly unprofessional at her job so maybe she’s wrong.

FlapperFlamingo · 29/05/2026 22:38

No, I’m not pretty at all. I am also obese. Fortunately I am quite clever and work in IT so it’s mostly blokes, and if you are great at your job they don’t care. I honestly count myself very lucky in spite of my looks.

SuitcaseAndSecrets · 29/05/2026 22:39

Not pretty but I'm attractive.. l have wonderful skin for my age.. from a lifetime of mainly only drinking water... .

Kickinthenostalgia · 29/05/2026 22:50

Average imo and it doesn’t really affect my life… I have a partner who finds me attractive, I also have a good personality, sense of humour so maybe that helps. Tbh I haven’t cared what people think about me since I was 15, I am me and that’s that… if someone doesn’t like me that’s thier problem not mine….

WeAreNotOutnumbered · 30/05/2026 06:49

SuitcaseAndSecrets · 29/05/2026 22:39

Not pretty but I'm attractive.. l have wonderful skin for my age.. from a lifetime of mainly only drinking water... .

Love this. I have good skin. (53) but drink too much. Today i decided was my first day of only drinking water and herbal teas.

I don't have any cellulite and I sometimes think I need to show my legs off more often because they are good.

@mumofoneAloneandwell - DH knows a bit about what i went through. My mother finally got medicated for her MH when I was in my mid-20s and she is much better now and quite a decent person to be around. Problem was she felt inferior to her various siblings and so piled pressure on me to be better than anyone else as if that then made her better, if that makes sense. I understand it interllectually but I'm still unpicking it inside my own emotions!

Your DD is lucky to have you. ❤

DH calls me 'Beautifulest'. That's his name for me. 23 years together and maybe one day I'll hear that properly.

CatsRock · 30/05/2026 09:49

Pineapplesunshine · 24/05/2026 09:57

This is a really interesting thread. Personally, it’s something that is very internal - I have days where I feel quite attractive and days where I feel so ugly that I don’t want to go out in public. A few things have contributed to this, being led to believe that being attractive was a key value for girls / women, along with negative comments on my looks when I was a child and not being at all photogenic. As I get older, I realise I was fairly pretty (but not beautiful so as to attract envy) and the pretty privilege was a real thing - men chatting to me on trains and offering me work experience when I was at uni, etc, - and although I did appreciate what that was at the time and fight against taking advantage of it, I didn’t really appreciate how different my experience was to that of my less stereotypically pretty friends. As I get older and men start to be less warm and helpful, I start to appreciate my friends’ perspectives on men a bit more. That said, I also think that part of the pretty privilege is a self perpetuating thing, as it leads you to go out into the world expecting people to be nice and so being open and smiley yourself which leads people to respond to you in the same way.
I’m sorry to hear that so many women who are larger than western society dictates is ‘desirable’ have been made to feel unattractive - personally, I more often see women who are truly beautiful who are larger than I see women who are genuinely beautiful and slim.

Agree with this.

Though skinny attractive women (I'm one) alongside the privilege (and it's real, I'm free of food issues and it breaks my heart how unusual that is) and men being nice to you or noticing you more, there is also:

A version of patriarchal abuse for slim attractive women too.

For example, being yelled at in the street 'YOU AINT GOT NO TITS, HAVE YOU?'

Or friends (and I get it's difficult) quite regularly saying that they 'hate me'. They would said it's a joke, and yes understand it's driven by envy and their own struggles.

And the rise of 'real women have curves' messaging.

Yes I know it's about body positivity, and aiming to shift and widen orthodoxy on what is attractive. I'm all for that. There has been some progress (not enough) and that's great.

But that line also says skinny yes small breasted me is not a real woman.

Those things hurt, and with a side order of silencing.

If I expressed the hurt, or even asked for support on something else, friends would say didn't I know I was a clothes horse?

Don't complain you've been ghosted. You're attractive and skinny! What can you have to be sad about?

The patriarchy has a way to tear down EVERY woman. More or less pretty, curvier or skinner.

Fitting the currently idealised mold does bring benefits yes. It doesn't outrun all the negatives though.