Do you think you're pretty? Does it affect your life either way?

[mumofoneAloneandwell]

I've come to terms with my looks but I used to think i was UGLY - and I wasn't, I was pretty tbh

I owe thanks to the boys in my school for calling me fat and 'butters' (i'm a londoner)

20 years later and their prophecy fulfilled itself - on my weight loss journey 😭

Anyway - i'm watching Zara Larsson. Lots of kids in her audience singing 'i'm so pretty'

Do you tell your daughters theyre pretty? Does it matter to you?

I always lamented not being better looking but I am relatively pretty. Also overweight so that counter acts the good face.

People talk a lot about pretty privilege but I realised in recent years what I have is potentially more powerful, and that is pleasant looking privilege. My resting face looks appealing, children smile at me, so do their parents, staff in shops or everywhere I go are usually nice to me, colleagues instantly like me. Men, even strangers chat to me all the time and it's never weird. I have lots of male friends and acquaintances and their partners like me too, partly cos I'm unthreatening. I can't say it's helped my career but definitely helped my personal life. I very rarely experience people being rude and i thought this was quote normal until sometime in my late 20s when some friends described their experiences in different scenarios, shops, restaurants etc. Having constant pleasant interactions is really a boost for stress or MH.

Growing up and well into my thirties, I thought I was ugly, so much so, I thought people would talk about it behind my back. If I really made the effort I’d think I would at least stop the talking. I’m now 59 and look at old photos and really don’t see that I looked less lovely than all my friends who I thought were so beautiful. I wasted so much time worrying about it.

Now I’m aging pretty well and feel quite confident about my looks, yes I’m older now and that does show, I’m not saying I’m 59 but look 30, I’m just saying that around others my age, I look good, although I don’t like that expression “…for her age”. I’m also not bragging, I’m not beautiful, I just look good and I’m happy that at last I get some time in my life feeling like that.

My DD is very pretty, she takes after my husband, who is handsome, lol. She is also, and more importantly, an intelligent and kind woman.

I grew up with a few people telling me I was pretty, not my mum though. In fact, when someone said I looked like her she was really put out and said no way (my mum was gorgeous!). Thanks mum!

Anyway, no, never thought so, just an average joe, but I was confident, fairly easy going and up for a laugh when I was younger and think that was more attractive anyway to make friends, get dates and do ok at work and get the job I wanted.

Now am older, bigger and uglier, I actually like being invisible. I used to detest being eyed up by the odd stranger when walking about or by someone I worked with who'd overstep the line.

I'm not pretty but pleasant looking - I'm confident, kind and funny and good at putting people at ease, so people generally respond to me well. In that sense I'm lucky, and I'm not ugly, but overweight, and my face and body aren't very attractive to men, so I do wonder what it would be like to have had more attention and more opportunities for sex with attractive men. I married in my 30s and am 50 now and don't think as much about my looks. I have 2 teenage daughters and one is very pretty and quite vain with it - very different from me so I find it hard to parent this aspect - I obviously tell her she's beautiful but emphasise her personality is more important.

Pretty privilege is a curse. No thanks.

I suspect I'm not nearly as attractive as I think I am 😂

Not to get all Samantha Brick, but I am treated by most people as though I’m pretty so I can only assume that I am reasonably pretty.

However, I’m still young (mid-30s), but ageing like a pear, so I know for a fact my days are numbered.

As to how it affects my life day to day - I guess it makes it a little easier? But I don’t know any different, so it’s hard to say.

Just to add, in my case, it’s definitely body rather than face. I am naturally petite and do barre/pilates religiously, and the resulting physique seems to be aesthetically pleasing to most. So if you’re not naturally stunning in the face (like me), there’s still hope! 😜

I used to say to my dd she was gorgeous, lovely, beautiful, adorable, funny, clever, smart, hardworking and all the rest of it. And just how proud of her I was.

Don't think I ever told her she was 'pretty' - so shallow and infantilising, don't you think?

"Aww, you're such a pretty little girl" Urgh - cringeworthy.

I disagree with your first sentence. I would absolutely describe the likes of Leslie Bibb, Eva Longoria, Jennifer Lopez, Ali Larter, Sofia Vergara, Eva Mendes, Cameron Diaz, Reese Witherspoon, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry etc. etc. as pretty.

A pretty woman does not stop being pretty just because she’s over 50.

I’ve always been pretty/attractive. Probably get more attention now I’m in my 40s as I dress better and am more confident. I do think people tend you trust you/prefer you for jobs and think you’re a nice person based on looks. I’ve never picked friends based on looks though. I don’t think many people are physically ugly. Everyone has an attraction feature and most people are average looking.

When I was younger I was. I didn’t agree but people told me all the time, in fact that’s all they ever saw in me. I was bullied by women and any male friends I made eventually ended up making a move. I hated it. When I got older and fatter women started being nice to me and it has been lovely. I love women, I hate men after the experiences I had.

I was a winner of the pears baby competition (it was a beautiful baby/toddler comp run by the pears company) my prize was a years supply of soap and a contract with a child model agency. For a great majority of my youth I was only acknowledged for my looks. I went on to study law and have recently retired. However I believed in the hype and used my looks to get further in my career untill I overheard a conversation saying that they felt without my looks I wouldn’t have being offered my promotion. I understood how they felt and made me realise despite the fact I was the best candidate I relied on looks not my IQ to achieve promotion as the best candidate, After a lot of soul searching I now know I was a egotistical pratt and trust me when u get to the age that all women get to when we become invisible being superficial like I was is a major wake up call.

Pretty doesn’t mean young, pretty means attractive or pleasant to look at, in a delicate way, Ive see women who are very pretty and in their 80s.

i think its sad posters think you become invisible as you age, or you can’t be pretty either. It’s far from the truth,

I like this. It works well also for “a smile”.

i agree, and I can’t decide if the comments are just bitterness, inc the one women become invisible, or if the posters genuinely think they’ve never seen an older woman who is attractive. If that’s the case, they need to focus on their ageism and own biases. But I suspect it’s bitterness.

From my perspective those women are not “pretty” they’re beautiful and I would distinguish between the two things. The word pretty and attractive are not interchangeable. I’m not pretty - I have a Roman nose and short hair and am now in my 50’s and I don’t think that combination is ever going to equal pretty. I do like style and clothes though so I can be quite striking or maybe handsome. Once Im dressed and out the door I’m not really thinking about my looks though - I don’t have any angst about Botox and procedures etc.

My DD is 14 and pretty blessed I’d say - although completely different shape to me. I don’t really compliment on her looks daily. But there will be mini conversations about something that she has angst about ( her slick back hasn’t worked 😂) but id rather push her to be accomplished and funny , kind etc than marvel all the time at how good looking she is.

Ah ok it’s a language thing, pretty by the dictionary definition means pleasant or attractive looking in a delicate way, so they are interchangeable. I think maybe that’s the disconnect.

beautiful is next level up, it means strikingly attractive.

you can get women of all ages who are pretty or beautful. It is not limited to the young, nor do women automatically become invisible as they age. I’ve seen many many pretty, attractive or beautful older women.

the trick however I think is good health and weight, good skin. Generally if you’re over or under weight, it shows on your face, under you become drawn, sunken, over and you develop fat on your face, double chins, jowls etc, and a good healthy diet, full hydration is key, without these things, looks can fade quite fast. But if you maintain it, it can stay forever. Changed, yes, but still pretty, beautful or attractive, whichever word you prefer.

I’ve got a nice face at certain angles in rhe mirror. But normally, nah, I’m not pretty. I’m a tiny fat 45 year old who hardly wears make up and gets no work done on her face. and often my face is screwed up due to chronic migraines.

my husband and son say I’m the prettiest woman in the world though

I'm a bit Dawn French in the early 2000's (so I've been told!). I have also been told I would be beautiful if only I lost 'the weight'. So no, I guess I'm not pretty/attractive as the extra fat I carry acts as a repellent to other human beings.

It’s a useful repellant: gets rid of the nasty dickheads

Agreed -because (like men I know also say of beautiful women in the sack) they rely on their attractiveness and don't feel need to try hard lol- simply being sexual available to lucky old you is enough!

I tell my DDs they are pretty/beautiful everyday, because I do not want them growing up feeling unconfident and uncomfortable in their own skin. I also speak about their traits too - funny kind clever.

I did not grow up with this - and unfortunately I developed huge confidence issues/lack of self esteem, not quite seeing what everyone else saw. I do now, but of course I’m not the woman I was pre kids in my 20’s and never appreciated myself but with some self love I think I look pretty good and my opinion is all that matters. I was scouted for Miss England in my 20s - humble brag!

Same. Aesthetically good looking, never lacked attention when I was young, sporty and 9 stone, but the weight has crept up over the years with a high pressure career and latterly, menopause. Now at 53 I'm just pretty, fat, AND growing out my greys, the ultimate social faux pas.

I feel like I'm watching everyone around me losing weight - using whatever tool helps them - and I'm being left behind. It's not through lack of trying but I keep failing.

So true

I loved the Jimmy Carr joke about his then 30 year old girlfriend saying ‘Liz Hurley -wow if I look as good as her when I’m 55 I will be VERY happy’

Jimmy Carr - Jesus, you don't look as good as her NOW etc

I'm too big to be pretty.

By that I'm naturally not a small frame, I'm really curvy with 34g boobs. I have a long face and strong nose. I like a toned, strong looking body.

Would you say I'm pretty, no however I'm attractive. I've been called handsome by strangers. I'm happy with my level of attractiveness.