Do you think you're pretty? Does it affect your life either way?

[mumofoneAloneandwell]

I've come to terms with my looks but I used to think i was UGLY - and I wasn't, I was pretty tbh

I owe thanks to the boys in my school for calling me fat and 'butters' (i'm a londoner)

20 years later and their prophecy fulfilled itself - on my weight loss journey 😭

Anyway - i'm watching Zara Larsson. Lots of kids in her audience singing 'i'm so pretty'

Do you tell your daughters theyre pretty? Does it matter to you?

Your husband and son find you beautiful and they sound lovely. Lucky you! I bet you’re prettier than you realise anyway. Not that it matters anyway.

Out of interest, what is stereotypically middle-class when it comes to clothes and presentation? I could easily describe stereotypically chavvy dress & presentation but unsure what a M/C one would look like…

But do you really think your friends’ negative interactions were down to the way they looked?…Because they didn’t look ‘pleasant enough’? Surely it was cos of something they did?..

Yes I think I am, not a stunner but nice looking with some good features and slim. Bit less so after 7 years of kids and sleep deprivation. I’m definitely ‘30s’ now but I don’t care about that.

I have a pretty face, when I was younger I was very overweight but when I lost the weight (between 20-30) I got lots of attention from men, older and younger. Now I’m in my 40s and my face is changing I am finding it hard and resorting to aesthetics to keep my face looking half decent, it’s something I’m acutely aware of, it gets me down and I don’t like that about myself.

I tell my daughter how wonderful she is every day, I use the word pretty alongside kind, strong, clever etc.

I’m not pretty but not ugly as previous posters said. I don’t get heaps of male attention but it hasn’t held me back in other regards like in the workplace because I do make an effort with my clothes for example.

I am ugly. I've never quite come to terms with it so it continues to devastate me regularly.

It has absolutely affected my life.

I would rather be attractive than have millions of pounds.

It is a key reason why I didn't have children; I wouldn't want to have an ugly girl and for her to feel as I do.

I’ll come in here

I’ve said before on here I look like a burlesque Anjelica Houston. I’m 5’ 10, hair was naturally off-black til it started to grey, I’ve got cheekbones you’ll cut yourself on, and fabulous posture like I’m on the Army marching square 🤣

Pretty? Nah. Too tall, too strong features.

i was sorting old photos yesterday and all my birthday party pics show five tiny little pretty 8 year olds AND THEN ME standing head and shoulders taller 🤣 and I look lovely but I am not a pretty little button nose doll like they are.

But I have always been striking. Handsome, they would have said in the past. And I am not being vain when I say people have stopped, taxi drivers have literally stopped, and men have stopped to tell me so. I have A LOOK which is not conventional, so I do stand out.

I know this too, because I was talking to my hairdresser about it only yesterday. She said everything I said about not being pretty but striking was true. She said I was beautiful and that people would always notice / remember me (because of having this definite look).

And I am fucking hot. My legs are disproportionately long even for my already tall height. Like PP said above, breast size is …generous (not tipping over into matronly - yet!!!). My hair is long and thick and healthy. And I am slim, size 12 so not overly so, which absolutely does make a difference.

There’s a line in a film, I think, about men wanting strong horses so why don’t they want a strong woman. Well. It me. I am a horse.

And men do want me. I have never been short of that. Even at 54 I get approached.

I am Jane Russell standing next to Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. And I love it.

eta - I am successful in my career because I’m bloody good at it. Also I project confidence even when I don’t feel it. I do think now, on reflection, there might be a bit of me being trusted and respected MORE than a small pretty blonde because men are stupid and clichèd and might hold the pretty women back for ‘not being clever’…

Yes but not in a conventional way. There’s pretty in the average stereotypical sort of way (in the west anyway)- usually a fair amount of make up, glossy hair, often fair skinned and usually blonde and slim tbh.

I’m half French and Jewish and look very much like my dad’s side of the family. My skin isn’t fair, green eyes, hair is curly so any remote moisture and it turns into a frizzy mess. I have to work really hard to stay slim- it isn’t natural. I have fuller eyebrows that are naturally upturned near the bridge of the nose if that makes sense. My Gran used to say I looked like Brooke Shields, I’ve also been told I look like Eva Green and a young Helena Bonham Carter! I don’t wear much make up- usually just a bit of mascara and blush, light lipstick for special occasions.

I have a strong jawline and cheekbones too and a heart shaped face. All of this can be sexy as hell to the right person but as I say, it isn’t conventional which I acknowledge. I’m also taller than the average woman at 5 ft 7.

It makes my life more difficult, not easier. Male colleagues can get awkward with me if attracted to me. This is not all of my colleagues before anyone thinks I’m full of myself! But some definitely clearly do and they get a bit weird around me as a result. I get a lot of men dropping in their partners / spouses as if that protects them against me, I can’t really explain this! It’s like they do it so I know they’re off limits, except I’m married and absolutely not interested. It’s clear they’re doing this because their partner didn’t fit the conversation at all… Some women get weird around me too, like I’m a threat but I’m not at all.

I’ve been told I’m pretty my whole life. Has it affected my life? No. Does it make life a bit easier? Probably.

I fancy you just from reading that @Sartre! Come and sit with me and the other ‘striking’ women and we’ll get a whisky.

I’m fine but nothing amazing. I didn’t feel attractive as a young teen, did feel attentive as an older teen and have been reasonably confident about my appearance all my life but more as a factor in my emotional well being, which is usually stable. I don’t fixate over my appearance at all. I’m happy with how I look but not because I look great, because I look ok and I’m not hugely bothered to look more than that though on a night out I’m pleased if I scrub up well, which I do sometimes but not always in my opinion! With age comes ease with myself.

I think the main thing I notice is that people who are deemed conventionally pretty can become very ugly due to their behaviour.

I can think of one rather polarising public figure (who I won’t name as this is not the point of this thread) who I initially thought was very pretty when I first saw her but her subsequent behaviour means I now find her looks absolutely grim.

I also find that in real life I find people’s mannerisms, their voice, and of course their personality shapes who I find pretty or not and this applies to men as well as women.

Regarding purely physical appearance the only looks I find ugly are the faces which have been mucked up by the current fashion for enormous lips, eyebrows and eyelashes.

They all remind me that muppet puppet from decades ago.

Swap the whiskey for gin and you’re on!

Deal! And omg I so relate to what you said about men being awkward and mentioning their wives etc. I get this and I’ve just realised I feel the same as you about it. It is indeed weird but I completely understand what you’re describing!

I am, according to others, above averagely attractive. Enough that I’ve done some paid modelling, and am told fairly regularly that I’m pretty/beautiful etc. I have not gained in any way from my appearance. I struggled academically, (ADHD/autism it turns out) had a string of toxic relationships and not achieved any significant career success, and as a result at 58 I’m not financially secure.

So no, I don’t think it matters. I’d rather be plain and have achieved career satisfaction/financial security etc.

I used to be quite (maybe even very) nice looking and certainly not over average size, but I suffered from lack of self confidence and was convinced that I was plain and fat. Over the years and 2 children my weight crept up, but now, 45 years later, I am very large indeed. I think back to how I used to be and wish I had had the self confidence to be happy in my body. I'm trying to lose weight and if and when I get down to a size 16 I will be ecstatic!

“Quite frankly I don’t mix with people who would judge somebody on their looks.” The whole of society, including you, @December2025 judges people on their looks. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, but it is the society we live in.

I can guess who you're talking about. I used to think she was one of the most beautiful women I'd seen. Can't unsee her behaviour now.

I am objectively very unattractive and as a result have been badly treated and overlooked over the years. It doesn't bother me now I'm middle aged because all the people of my age who were pretty in their youth are now despondent about losing their looks, but, having had none to lose, I can relax and enjoy middle age.

I would describe ‘pretty’ as being dainty, girly, fresh-faced, with bright eyes and skin, an ‘English rose’ type. I’m not that, although I was often told I was pretty when I was younger. I would describe myself as good-looking rather than pretty. I’m quite tall - 5’7”, have quite striking eyes, defined cheekbones, and big lips. I’ve always been slim and athletic. I was occasionally told I could be a model when I was younger (not including the times it was said by a man who was trying to get me into bed!) I don’t think anything about me is ‘cute’ looking though, which is more what I associate ‘pretty’ with. Or maybe it’s because I’m a lesbian. Looks are valued differently in the lesbian world. And no, it’s not cos they’re less important because there’s no men involved, women can be just as shallow as men. But you could have a very pretty young woman who was petite, blonde, fresh-faced with big doe eyes who had men falling at her feet everywhere she went, yet she wouldn’t get a second look in a lesbian bar (even if everyone knew she was gay). IME lesbians tend to be more attracted to more striking looking women, less cute/pretty looking and more self-assured looking in a sexy way. That said, a good-looking face is a good-looking face. I had this friend once who was a very obvious looking lesbian - very short hair, short and muscular, lots of tattoos and piercings, dressed like a dyke, but she had an absolutely stunning face. The kind of face you want to stare at for hours because it’s so perfect. She got loads of attention from men and many men I knew fancied her.

I’m early 40s now though and starting to lose my looks, which is making me realise I’ve put a lot of value on them throughout my life and let them dictate how I feel about myself and my value in the eyes of others. I think if you’re someone who has done that throughout your life, losing your looks can be especially tough to come to terms with, because it’s been part of your identity for so long, so it feels like you’re losing part of your identity. It must be even tougher for very beautiful women who never needed to bother with having much of a personality because they were so good-looking (I’m not one of those thankfully!)

I used to be very pretty. I was treated badly by older men from my very early teens.

I wasn't taken seriously. I had a doctor tell me "Pretty girls don't get depressed" when I told him I was suicidal. (I had recently escaped from my trafficker, which he knew.)

Now I'm fat I'm not taken seriously now either!

But how do you know you were treated badly and overlooked because of the way you looked? Have you got any examples? I’m genuinely curious, because I think it’s more body language, how much you do or don’t smile, mannerisms, confidence and how someone comes across, that dictates how they are treated (and obviously personality, but assuming these situations are where the other person doesn’t know you)

I agree with a PP that pretty isn't a word I would use to describe a woman of my age, but I am attractive. I will be honest and say I enjoy it. I was an ugly duckling and only came into my own after leaving school and the novelty of enjoying what I see in the mirror has never worn off. I will be sad when I lose my looks and at 50 I probably do not have long left. BUT there is definitely truth in the saying that as you age you get the face you deserve. I love life and enjoy people and hopefully that will continue to shine through.

Random strangers calling me 'ugly' and other similar things, when walking down the street minding my own business - they can have no clue about my levels of confidence.

Situations such as, at work, being in discussion with male 'Big Boss' and being completely ignored - as if I wasn't there - zero eye contact, in favour of pretty women.

Not getting served in pubs, shops etc. in favour of pretty women.

Never getting 'chatted up' when I was young, while all my friends were.

I don't mean to be rude, but I have heard all the stuff about personality, confidence etc. a thousand times, also the Roald Dahl guff about being beautiful inside, and it frankly annoys me when attractive or even average-looking women blithely deny the experiences of unattractive women.

I don't fit the stereotype of under-confident and I don't lack smiles either - I'm always the person beaming away in photographs (I've never minded being photographed, I accept my looks, it's others who don't).

But, now I'm middle aged it no longer matters, everyone is sagging and bagging around me, even if they think botox etc. is helping (spoiler - it doesn't, it just tells the world you mind about ageing) - I am part of the blessedly amorphous mass of middle-aged women and it's great.