Do you think you're pretty? Does it affect your life either way?

[mumofoneAloneandwell]

I've come to terms with my looks but I used to think i was UGLY - and I wasn't, I was pretty tbh

I owe thanks to the boys in my school for calling me fat and 'butters' (i'm a londoner)

20 years later and their prophecy fulfilled itself - on my weight loss journey 😭

Anyway - i'm watching Zara Larsson. Lots of kids in her audience singing 'i'm so pretty'

Do you tell your daughters theyre pretty? Does it matter to you?

I’d say I’m average. I don’t think I’m pretty and I hate my nose, if I won the lottery I’d have a nose job tomorrow but I don’t think I’m ugly as such. I never ever talk about my nose or weigh myself in front of our DC’s. My 3yo DD, we do “affirmations” every morning whilst brushing our teeth before she goes to pre school “I am brave” “I am funny” “I am clever” “I am strong” “I am beautiful” etc etc and I tell her she looks beautiful every day but we are also big on reminding her kindness and empathy towards others and animals is the most beautiful thing about somebody. DS is 8 months so wouldn’t have a clue what I’m on about but I’ll do the same with him.

Oh nice. I'm going to try and sleep now it's late here. Tomorrow is another day for boozin and smoozin 😉. I'm away for another week.

I do affirmations with my dd too! 😄

But they always start with how pretty she os 😬

My sil used to pick on my nose. She's a lot older than me and this was when I was a kid. As I aged I realised she's the one with the bulbous nose. Mine is petite in comparison.

I don't know why you think there's something wrong with yours? But it probably suits you. Perfectly symmetrical faces can be quite dull imo. You may just be focusing on it for some reason?

I love this - girl life is for living!!! 🥰

I’m not pretty or beautiful. I don’t mind now, my husband and children love me and that’s all that matters.

I do believe in the beauty advantage though. Both in life chances, earnings, choice of partners etc

No I’m not, I don’t think anyone would ever describe a 53 year old woman as “pretty” though, it’s used to describe girls and young women IMO

When I was younger? I think it’s quite subjective. I never had problems finding men who found me attractive but I don’t think I was particularly pretty

Yeah, I was pretty but my parents never actually mentioned it and it was only when others did it affirmed I was. However I always felt fat, which I wasn't but saw myself as a pretty litttle chub.

Now it's so OTT of saying it daily to DDs, it's become a norm.

Both aren't ideal, too little and too much.

Absolutely! I look back and think man I could have had those gorgeous guys if I had had more confidence in myself.

I was conventionally attractive in my twenties, and I absolutely used it to my advantage — I’d have been foolish not to.

When I became a mum in my thirties, I turned somewhat invisible. I really rather enjoyed it because I had to work on developing a personality (not easy to do when in the trenches as a first-time mum!) and also because lack of attention meant I could lock in to discover this new facet of myself (as a parent).

Now that I’m 40, I’m attractive not because I’m conventionally “pretty” but because I’ve become less self-conscious. I think my confidence is now my most attractive trait — certainly not my modesty! 🤣

Have always been told I’m beautiful.
Had put on 3 stone since having kids and I still felt “pretty” but I felt crappy in myself. Unhealthy. Achy. Self conscious.

Have now lost the weight and am 50yrs old. Still told I’m beautiful- but am focusing on healthy and strong right now!

It’s nice to be attractive but it’s really not an achievement is it? It’s just the luck of the genetic draw. There are certainly more important things.

I love my friends because they are clever, funny, interesting, fun, relaxed, thoughtful, creative, nice, kind, up for the crack, interested…. The more I like a person the more attractive they become.

I always tell my kids to focus on the character of a person. It’s more important than how they look.

oh and to those saying they feel they have missed out on great sex with hot men…. Some of the hottest men are crap at sex!

I’ve never been pretty but I’ve always been hot - when I was younger and still when I am old. I think prettiness must be lovely but you can’t miss what you’ve never had.

I was. I’m 60 now and look ok but no longer pretty. And pretty invisible too now.

Always told I had gorgeous high cheekbones but was never told I was pretty , very much the ugly dumpy ducking to my younger sister.
men seemed to be the ones saying I was hot etc but that meant nothing because they say it to everyone
when I see pics I think I am looking quite wrinkly and haggered at 51

I’ve never been called pretty. I have definitely been called hot and that’s probably a combination of breast size, raging Irish personality, not giving a shit about how I look (never have) and my devil eyes. I’m 51. I have never looked at myself and liked anything about me. But men do, still, and it sickens me now and terrified me when I was younger.
DD (severely disabled and nonverbal) has people (not weirdly or just kindly) saying how beautiful she is - and she is. And it’s weird that she’s very much like me but while I look at her and think she’s so beautiful even if she wasnt mine I see ugly when I see me. The pressures of society and individual experience colours everything.

I've never been pretty. This message was reinforced as a child and into my teens, and, looking back at photos from the time, it was a fair observation. It didn't feel like a judgement, just a neutral fact. Being academically able and a hard worker would more than make up for lack of prettiness, I thought, so I didn't mind, and didn't make any great effort with my appearance. I've never learned to put on make-up. Looking back, it may have affected my early career prospects somewhat, but less so than my failure to accept the need to play workplace politics (not so clever after all, then). Later, I once I'd found my level in the workplace, I don't think it mattered. And my XH (no beauty himself) and I had gorgeous children.

I'm well past the age of prettiness now and look every day of my age, but you can't mourn the loss of what you've never had so I haven't had any angst over "losing my looks".

Pretty is such a meh, fey word. I'm glad I'm not pretty. I'm better than pretty. I don't have the baby features for pretty. I've never aspired to be pretty.. yuck.

What do you mean, op

You still pulled men despite not being conventional? ❤️

I get that i suppose, men can not be conventional looking but still be sexy - that giy from Girls

I was never beautiful, but some people thought I was quite pretty when I was younger. I'm not pretty any more and most men treat me as though I'm invisible.

On the plus side, this has made it easier for me to judge men's characters. If a young man in his 20s or 30s will chat to me as though I'm a human being rather than pretending I don't exist, then he's probably a good 'un. I'm not talking about striking up conversations with complete strangers here, just about making small talk with colleagues and other acquaintances.

No, I’m not “pretty”. I have been aware of it for as long as I can remember.

To the point where I didn’t want to be friends with pretty girls in primary school because I didn’t want to be “the ugly one”. In hindsight, that’s awful and I suspect may be due to emotional neglect I experienced as a child (emotionally absent mum).

I’ve put quite a bit of effort into my appearance over the years, and wear makeup every single day.

So I do think I actually managed to fool people into thinking I was attractive. But naturally “pretty”, no, definitely not, and I wish everyday that I was.

However around 12 years ago I gained weight and while I still tried with make up etc, I didn’t look good. And as you say, @mumofoneAloneandwelli quickly became totally invisible.

Happily, I have lost some of the weight now and look and feel a lot better. But my issue now is that I am starting to look old. And it’s just exhausting. It’s always been something. Ugly, fat, now old.

And of course I look back on photos now and realise I wasn’t half as bad as I thought back then.

its also tarnished how others see me as I think I can come across as vain whereas I am actually just very self conscious. I hate having my photo taken and have very few photos of me.

as I say, it is exhausting. I have a lot of jealousy for naturally pretty people who don’t have to second guess how they look all the time and miss out on activities as worried too much about how they’ll look and how / where / they can put on make up etc.

ps - what does “butters” mean? Is it a nickname for someone overweight?

Yes, I think I'm pretty. But I didn't used to think that until I started working, socialising, meeting people outside of my home. That's when other people used to make favourable remarks about my looks, and I started seeing it for myself. I have one Dd and I regularly tell her she looks pretty. My mum never told me I was. And yeah, I think it matters.

I am complimented constantly on how pretty I am. It’s obviously a compliment to me and I feel grateful for the way that I look, that said it can have its down points. Women hate me for no reason, men just stare and make me feel uncomfortable. People don’t take me seriously sometimes at work because they just want to hang around me not even get to know me for my intelligence and knowledge.

I have a daughter and I will always tell her how clever and smart she is before pretty. I think how you are and carry yourself also makes you more attractive! An ugly heart makes for an ugly face. And I can honestly say I have the biggest heart going and want to help anyone I can, which is the best compliment I can receive, being told I’m a lovely person.

Everyone is beautiful in their own right! After all beauty is in the eye of the beholder! Be confident ladies - buy the shoes and wear that outfit you love!

I was a nerd at school and called ugly several times but I’ve always thought I was pretty and hot. Still do. Maybe not as much as I used to be when younger but I’ve always been happy with my looks regardless of whether anyone else agreed.

I was quite a looker in my teens/twenties , I look at my old photos and I'm quite sad I didn;t appreciate what I was.
( I had long hair , size 8 )
My older sister could be really bitchy to me though and demoralised my esteem.

My daughter is a stunner , I don;t mob her up but I will say "You are lucky being so tall /slim/leggy "
She knows her genes from my Dads side are in her favour (his side was slim and aged well)
I hope she appreciates herself for herself , social media is cruel . Luckily she is savvy , clever and kind as well as being stunning and funny .

@traitorstraitors ·

I always thought "butters" was Butt Ugly but I don;t think it is ?