Do you think you're pretty? Does it affect your life either way?

[mumofoneAloneandwell]

I've come to terms with my looks but I used to think i was UGLY - and I wasn't, I was pretty tbh

I owe thanks to the boys in my school for calling me fat and 'butters' (i'm a londoner)

20 years later and their prophecy fulfilled itself - on my weight loss journey 😭

Anyway - i'm watching Zara Larsson. Lots of kids in her audience singing 'i'm so pretty'

Do you tell your daughters theyre pretty? Does it matter to you?

I was told I was very pretty when I was younger and also sexy by men. Now at 54 I think I’m attractive (at least that’s what men I’ve dated and my boyfriend tells me, but he says I’m beautiful) but I’m not an instagram, fake looking type of woman.

To be honest I think i did get hate from some women when i was younger, one woman (a boss told me “we can’t all be oil paintings like you”).

Oh, as a child I wore glasses and did so up to age 12 when I was told I didn’t need them anymore. I didn’t think I was pretty as a child.

Glad I wasn't alone in this. I also had male directors being really inappropriate when I was in my mid 20's.

I don't know really. But I had a friend who had a grumpy looking face, lovely person but had a scowl and didn't fake smile to compensate. She had severe features, strong eyebrows, squared jaw and a strong voice. I honestly thought she looked a bit scary the first time I met her. We had a very frank discussion once and found we had different experiences with exactly same staff in the circumstances. People smiled at me, they didn't smile at her. They anticipated a difficult interaction with her. At work she was always taken more seriously but I found it so much easier to socialise.

@cheeseclothdressthanks for the honest post. I think this is quite common but I agree you'd be torn apart for saying it in real life. I have some beautiful cousins, like stop and stare beautiful. One was always awkward about it. She was shy and hated attention, everywhere we went together the eyes were on her. She often lacked confidence which seems surprising, people also expected her to be more outgoing. She never left her home town and lives a quiet life. I admit I resented her on occasion. Another cousin is equally stunning but ambitious and always struggled with relationships and work promotions. I imagine both found female friendships to be tricky. Both have sisters who are also very good looking but not as beautiful and it was hard for them as teens and young adults. All that said they have never told me about their struggles I'm just reading into it from what I know.

I overdo it with my dd, I know, but i can't stop as the consequences of low self esteem are severe ime

Honestly, unforgivable what some people have taken from me.

Im slim and athletic and quite pretty from a distance but up close my skin in an absolute mess ive large pores and lots texture so im just bloody ugly.
I wish there was a procedure I could get done to help with this

I could've written your post - there is always something! But i feel like, for everyone and especially men - its the effort that makes someone hot!

Being very honest, I want to shift this weight and sleep around before the menopause hits 🙄

Butters is slang for butt ugly, @70isaLimitNotaTarget was right

Picture tracksuit clad boys on the back of the bus shouting it at you - hell on earth 😭

Yes I am now. Wasn’t as a kid or teenager. A pale redhead. Definitely flourished as an adult

I was very pretty when I was younger, but now at 54 I’m happy with my face and body. I don’t mind the age spots acquired from happy times in the sun, or the lines from worrying about DS or DH etc, or even that I’m missing a boob thanks to cancer. It’s life, and I’ve been very fortunate.

I know that as I’ve grown older I’ve learned to appreciate the personality of others way before their looks. I notice and appreciate physical beauty, but it doesn’t mean the same to me now as it did when I was younger.

❤️

Nah. My nose is too big. Might have been a cute kid but puberty put a stop to that. Pretty people aren’t my natural tribe either. I’m in a team of people at work who have a rep of being “blonde and glamorous, so she must work in (my team)”…and I’m neither so goodness know what was said when I started 😆 They’re all lovely people, but I see all the effort that goes into being “pretty” and it’s a whole different world I just don’t want to bothered with.

Had couple of boyfriends call me pretty and I just smile as I know I’m not, it’s just platitudes. I’ve been described as confident, funny and someone who knows a lot of interesting things, which I prefer a lot more.

I don't know about pretty. I get told that I have a lovely smile. I know that when I smile it lights up my face. Otherwise, my body is mine.
Growing up and no longer being compared to my sister helps.

There are lots of options, though they can be expensive. Look into Tixel.

Sadly it means “but her face”. Appalling term.

As the saying goes opinions are like arseholes. Everybody has one.
Thanks for showing me yours.

Yes, and it hasn’t always been the nicest thing. As a child I’d get a lot of “oh she’s so pretty”, people used to stop my dad in the street to tell him, and as I got older it turned into things like “you’d be dangerous if you had a brain”, and “thank god you’re pretty”, it gave me a massive complex that that was my only defining characteristic, despite being a top student. I’m now in a senior leadership position and get terrible imposter syndrome because I don’t think that I deserve to be there because I don’t have the mental capacity required, it’s sad when it hits me in senior leadership meetings and I have to overcome my fear of speaking up because of the worry that people will think I don’t know what I’m talking about, even though deep down I know I do have substance.

One of the only comments that I remember genuinely being really flattered by was a few years ago when I was in Greggs ordering a bacon bap with extra bacon (lol), and the young girl serving me after hearing my order stared at me for a couple of seconds and said, “oh my god you’re so beautiful”. It still makes me smile as it was one of the only times that a stranger has made a comment that I’ve actually appreciated!

It’s all just a load of bollocks, my little girl would be beautiful if she had three eyes and a green face, I learn more and more as I get older that the only thing that makes a person beautiful is a kind heart and soul and that’s what I’ll make sure my little girl knows as she grows up. If anyone harps on about her looks she’ll hear me tell them that is not a patch on her kindness, intelligence and ability.

A nice thing about being almost invisible these days is that young men no longer shout at me from car windows. I very rarely understood a word they were shouting as their voices were carried away by the wind, but I would hear a roar that would make me jump, especially when I was cycling.

My face has some individual components of prettiness so I can look alright in a still picture but as so as I talk I look weird.

This is a good point actually. I’ve been told I’m dangerous because I’m attractive AND have a brain. Some men seem to believe a woman can only be either or, never both and because I am both, it’s seen as a threat in some way. One former colleague actually said “you don’t often find intellectual women as sexy as you”- glad he left.

I find with women as well, it’s usually the older ones who like me but the ones closer in age or younger steer clear of me as if I’m some sort of threat when I’m really really not. If they gave me a chance, they’d find I’m just a regular person.

There’s a lot of comments on this thread if this ilk, indications about attractive not being. I’ve people, poor personalities, not clever etc,

it’s just bitter comments, I get that, but it’s a shameful trope that needs to stop snd it’d made worse when it’s other women perpetuating it.

I meant to respond to this

Red hair is one of my fave fashion looks! Definitely a positive feature, although i imagine it was tough at school

So.

I am 53. I never thought I was pretty. I used to ask my mother when I was a little girl if she thought I was pretty and she would say 'you are interesting and that's better' or 'You have an interesting face'. I'm not sure if that was some sort of thing at the time, but it made me feel fucking ugly. Not least because when I was 17 she told me if I did well in my exams she would treat me to a nose job. Until she said that I did not know there was anything wrong with my nose.

I was criticised for my weight (still am). I was told I 'shouldn't wear that'. I was told 'Don't run, your are embarrasing yourself'. The upshot was that I honestly believed no-one would ever love me and I developed a range of eating disorders and self harm behaviours. I slept with anyone who asked because I thought sex meant love and I was desperate for love.

So, not being pretty affected my life.

I've often wondered what it's like to be pretty or beautiful. DH thinks I am beautiful, so that's good. I think about my looks every day. I avoid mirrors and shop windows. I buy clothes online because no fucking way am I going in a changing room. I would say that not feeling pretty has had huge effects on my sense of self and my sense of worth.

I hate the way I look when I talk but cant explain why 😄