What are the most ridiculous things you’ve heard a grown adult say? (Lighthearted)

[MyTrivia]

‘Can dead people inherit money?’

‘If you put disposable nappies in the bin without removing the poo, they decompose’

From an English woman we met many years ago on holiday in the Algarve.We were discussing food “oh so you get pies in Scotland too?”
From a colleague “ do men have a pelvis?”

"Can I vote tomorrow instead?" I had to explain that's not how elections work...

My friend ask me if Phoenix's were extinct.

See here for the many times “opposite sex identical twins” appear in fiction.
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HalfIdenticalTwins

Friend on holiday - "Oh damn, I need another piss and I'm on. It's costing me a fortune in tampons.

Me - "Why? You don't need to remove them to have a piss."

Followed with me drawing a diagram on a beer mat in a ski chalet explaining to a 32yo why she doesn't need to change her tampon every time she has a wee.

She tried it and it worked!

Depends on the breed. I don't think my spaniels did!

Old lady sitting next to meat a funeral, as the young funeral director walked past -
"She's very pretty to be a funeral director"

Bloody hell! Was she surprised to hear she had 3 holes down there? I'm surprised a woman wouldn't know.

Slightly more unsurprising as this was from a man but my uni boyfriend was surprised to hear that sanitary pads are stuck sticky side down to the lady's pant gusset. He admitted that he thought they were stuck directly onto the private area. I showed him a clean one (when I had finished laughing) and pointed out that the sticky side is also plastic coated and wouldn't absorb anything. Plus why would you willingly stick anything adhesive into contact with your pubes. Instant Brazilian wax alert!

To be fair, if you’d met my dog you’d not be stupid to ask that question.

Conversation between DH and me about the moon, I can't remember his initial comment but my reply was
Me: The dark side of the moon gets approximately the same amount of sunlight as the side that faces Earth.
DH: So why is it called the 'dark side' then?
Me: It's an alternative meaning of 'dark' that isn't used as much nowadays, it means unseen or unknown.
DH: Oh.
Me: So, what did you think the phrase 'deepest, darkest Africa' meant?
DH: It's where the trees grow very close together.

As a follow up, I have mentioned this conversation before on Mumsnet and someone told me that I was wrong (in a quite patronising and sneery tone) and it is actually permanently dark on the dark side of the moon. I suggested she run that through Google.

mustve got confused with where oxford is. I actually remember someone who got bristol and dublin mixed up constantly.

I have a relative who only found out as an adult (when they needed their birthday certificate for something) that their birth date was the day before the one they had been celebrating all their life (think 4th but had been told was the 5th). When they were born and were young, evidence wasn't required so the birth certificate had just been filed away. Their mother was a bit dim, but that was a corker even for her.

"Aren't tigers just female lions?" (Biologically and geographically confused friend)

’I know you’re a vegetarian now so I’ve only made you a pork chop’. My grandma, who was crackers, god love her.

The pork chop one is like the 'wafer-thin ham' thing from The Royle Family. 😆

The tigers/lions thing reminds me of the time my mum informed me that she tends to think of all cats as being feline (obviously meaning female, although I'm not sure I follow the logic). When I pointed out that all cats are feline the penny still didn't drop. 😄 This was before she had Alzheimer's, too...

You could save a lot of waxing money, admittedly you might spend it all on soothing cream though.

If I had a pound for every time someone asked me if you need a passport to visit Wales from England...

I was on holiday with a friend in the Outer Hebrides:

Watching a programme about an African tribe who lived in roundhouses I remarked on the likeliness between them ands the old Celtic roundhouses: “But is anyone sure they were round?”

I'd mentioned the next land mass you’d hit going west was North America. She later pointed to the other side of a very small loch on the east side of the island and asked a local “Is that America?”

Finally, we spent a day cycling clockwise round one of the islands. I’d studied the map first and had a pretty good idea where we were all the time. At one point I mentioned we were at the SE point of the island. She said she’d believe me only because the sea was to our left. As we were going clockwise it was ALWAYS on our left hand side!

"brain lite" i will forever use this.

Years ago, after several streets had been demolished in front of Carlisle Castle to make way for the dual carriageway, my aunt was on the bus and overheard, “ooh, doesn’t the castle looks better now they’ve moved it back from the road!”

My mother had suspected a young guy we knew was gay. She saw him wearing red trousers and he'd gone to see Elton John so according to her, "That confirmed it "

Colleague listening to someone talking about their safari trip, 'you can't have seen a rhino, its extinct, rhinosauarus...'

@ruethewhirla parent accompanying a teen on a uni tour asked if they get end of term reports and how students were prevented from drug taking.

wrong Thread!

Thought of another, friends visiting, their kids asked if they could have bangers and mash..ok, can do that..while I'm peeling potatoes, the DD asked if we had proper potatoes? I asked what they meant, that potatoes came in a bag from Tesco. Our home grown potatoes weren't proper potatoes because they came out the ground. 🙈