What is the most not ok thing someone has said to you recently?

[BeMintFatball]

Went to see my 91 year old great aunt who I have not seen in person for several years.

Within minutes of arriving aunt told me I look like I have lost weight. I have but only about half a stone not intentionally but also it’s not a drastic amount.

I said I may have lost a bit biting my tongue not to say stress will do that.

Aunt followed up with I thought you had been on the mounjaro jabs. I mean wow! The older generation really shoot from the hip.

Omg, thank you! Really did not expect that one to get shot down, I have to say!

I was showing a photo of my gorgeous daughter at her graduation to 2 colleagues and one commented how beautiful she looked. The other one then said to me "Did you use to be pretty?"

I didn’t shoot it down!
I just suggested that perhaps it was a lighthearted throwaway comment maybe even to start up a chat with you?!
either way - I guess just a different way of seeing things.

My manager suggested we should modify the staff shower block at work to deal with the Polish/Romania staff. He said “It worked last time”.

Another weight one. I had lost a couple of stone and was being complimented by a friend at a family party who was saying how well I had done - went my sister from the other side of the room shouts across ‘Yes but she can’t keep it off’ - don’t know if she humiliated herself more than she humiliated me. To be fair it’s not an inaccurate observation as I seem to have gained and lost the same 3 stone for most of my life - but the world loves a trier.

My late dear mother regularly told people I was "more decoration than function" - which was deeply unfair because whilst I was (once upon a time) pretty decorative, I've always been hugely functional too! She was also known to tell me it was a good thing I was pretty because I "wasn't a very nice person".

Unfortunately it's deeply coloured my life and my sense of worth being tied to how I look. I think everyone could stop and think before they say things to people. Seemingly innocuous comments can cut very deeply. Sorry! Not very light-hearted 🙈

My mums friend.

not even a close friend, someone she talks to once every couple of months on the phone. I’ve seen this woman maybe 5 times in my life.

she calls me on WhatsApp video and when I say hello

she began shaming/judging/telling me off to my face for my private medical and financial decisions!

what I and my partner should do with our savings, me choosing to go private instead of waiting long nhs list etc

she then began lecturing me what I should do.

she literally goes how annoyed, disappointed and unhappy she is with my decisions! and what I should do instead. Says no offence, ok

she literally was telling me off.

she goes “you better do as you are told”

I was so shocked I just said ok nice to see you too, bye. And hanged up

i was angry at my mother for telling people my private business that’s why this woman must have felt comfortable.

this woman would always be complaining and badmouthing her son and grandson, what losers they are etc but I didn’t expect it to be me, someone who barely knows her.

What was the modification?

I used to get this and it’s so bloody patronising. I have a little boy now but I was capable of feeling joy and happiness (and lots of sleep) before I had him. It’s like people think they develop special ‘joy and happiness’ powers when they birth a child 🙄

I was telling my mil about my grandmother who’s been very unwell and although now home from hospital, is very frail. ‘Oh well, she’s had a good run’
She’s 88 so of course she’s doing well overall and I’m well aware we won’t have her forever but I thought that was so thoughtless to say, she’s not bloody dead yet!

I agree, totally overstepping

Lady at the care home told me I have the fattest bottom the she has ever seen. Shes 98 and I adore her so waggled my bum and threatened to sit on her so we both ended up laughing.

Having got through chemo and a few close brushes with death, at a family party my father was moaning to anyone who would listen that I was now a fat pig and being thin had been the only thing going for me before that as I was so ugly. He couldn’t understand why so many people walked away from him once he’d said it.

He has never been thin or remotely attractive in his life!

Just remembered another last Autumn, I (48) was walking with a younger colleague (26) from building A to B as we do, and we talked about the temperature dropping and need to get out winter coats. I mentioned I had one that is too warm but there's about 2 weeks a year that I'm grateful for it, but unfortunately it's enormous and I feel I look a bit ridiculous in it. Colleague replies 'sure when you are older no one cares what you look like anyway'. I was gobsmacked, I never indicated that I am much older or talked about not caring... I very much DO care. It's what I'd expect from a 19 yr old not mid 20s. It's funny though, she saw me through different eyes than I believed.

This can't possibly mean what I think it's refering to????

Oh I love this! @wendywoopywoo222

Brilliant!

But she clearly hasn’t met me 😜

I was speaking to someone in his 70s who said in was important to "keep breathing" at his age, with a chuckle.

He knew my dad had recently died unexpectedly from respiratory failure.

Dm to me: "You've kept the weight off, are you eating enough?" I am bmi 22, healthy weight. She especially goes there if I catch a virus; I have kids in school ffs!
Dm has been overweight most of life, I wouldn't dream of saying, "Are you eating too much?" Apparently she worries about me because I am "so thin" even going as far as asking dh if I'm eating.

I was celebrating the end of my 6th chemo session when a friend told me it was a waste of time as cancer always returns .

One of my friends said 'you don't seem like a Socialist' to me. What does a Socialist seem like? I was offended, I've been left wing since I was 12 and have drifted further left the older I've got. 😅

I've lost 3 stone since mid 2024, mostly through diet and very hard work with exercise, spinning classes etc. I've given up all cheese and chocolate as I ate SO much cheese before. I can't even have a bit or I'll spiral out of control so I had to go cold turkey. I also took Orlistat to give me a kick start but it is mostly my own work.

Even though I wasn't massive before, the weight loss has been noticeable as so much has come off my face. When I first lost the weight, a guy I know through dog walking rushed up to me (he's about 68) "oh my gosh, oh my GOSH! HOW have you done it? HOW?" All of which is fine but when I said mostly through giving up cheese, he just kept saying stuff like "well you must have LOVED cheese before, then!" and laughing his head off. Insinuating I was huge before.

I wouldn't ordinarily mind but my God he went on and on for weeks, telling everyone else we knew through dog walks. "She's given up cheese you know! That's how she's done it! She must have lived on the stuff!"

His wife looked really embarrassed when he started up again when I ran into the both of them a few days later.

Makes me wonder how huge I looked before!

It was.

I used to be 3 stones heavier than I am now. I am tall so I don't think I looked very overweight. A "friend" whom I worked with is the same height as me but very slim. She constantly made comments about people being "big". If she could mention my being bigger than her, she would. I decided to join a slimming club and gradually lost 3 stones and people at work were complimenting me, saying I looked well. "Friend" didn't say a word. One day I mentioned that I'd lost 3 stones and she snappily said You can't tell.
It occurred to be that she didn't like me being slim!

My mothers friend with no filter.. looking through some family photos at mums house.. says to me ‘ I’ve always been so bemused that you have always been able to pull real lookers .. I mean both your ex husband and current are really fit. I’ve always been quite amazed because let’s face it - you are no oil painting’ .. for once I was able to reply without hesitation and say ‘perhaps that is because I don’t seem to attract shallow people who judge books by their cover . ‘ This actually shut her up for the first time I have ever known it .. she usually just took the words out of people’s mouths with her ‘expert opinions’